I don't want to be what you want me to be, MOM

[SlipknotRlZZ]

It's a tough position, sometimes talking to parents is the way to go. However, you're only 15 and there's no real way out if things go badly for you. You also have normal teenage problems, parental pressure doesn't change no matter what you are. Sucks, you'll get through it though, there's a whole lot of living for you to do.

Well, yesterday my position that I can't talk to them was confirmed and all hope is gone ,so...there is really no way out of anything. I just have to sit here and... Thank you for your support! <3

Just try to enjoy your childhood while you still have one. Spend more time with your friends. Stop dwelling about the present because soon enough you'll be free to do whatever you want. You can't live alone at 15, an you shouldn't be able to. Youre a kid. Just keep things cool with your parents if you can... They love you, they just dont know what's going on. In a way it's not fair to blame them if you haven't told them what's on your mind. I'm not saying right now is the time to spill the beans, but try to understand what they think... Then give them time to understand u when u eventually tell them.

Take some time to chill out alone at the beach. Or meet some people. Hell, I wish I could have gone to the beach for TWO weeks during the summer.

Yeah? I wish I could go into the moutains for two weeks. Alone. Or just anywhere. Alone.
I agree that I should try to enjoy everything nice about what I have now. I know I should just block out the way they act and stuff. I think I will be able to at some pont. You know, there's this song, "Numb" by Linkin Park, amazing song, just now realized I can reate it to my life so much. So I guess I will be numb at some point, comfortably numb.
Actually, I tried implying something, I've done it before, and every time I do, I am getting totally yelled at and it's like they can't even begin to comprehend that maybe someone would ever want to change their sex or that maybe I need to be alone.
Thank you for your support! <3

Can't agree more with SrChulo.
Well, I have seen kids struggling much more than you do in their childhood. I don't say that yours is wonderful but it 's defiantly not as bad as you thought.
Just enjoy it while it lasts. As someone who is living all by myself and can only see family one in every 2 years, I honestly miss my childhood and family dinner even though I had like tons of arguments with my parents every week.
I am turning 20 in the next 2 months. Strangely, when I was your age, I wished I could be an adult to do whatever I want. Now, I just want to be back to 15 so I don't have to worry about money, career, relationship, ...
All I wish now is to take have 2 weeks break from normal life and if I have that 2 weeks, I will spend all of them for my family.

Side note: my family is super conservative, my mom did go through my stuff, found some gay porn. Yay.

Actually, it's worse than I thought. I thought that maybe I could start slowly altering myself, you know, and stuff. BUt as I mentioned above, yesterday I learned that all hope is gone. I have to play the role they want me to play. My father said "You wear male clothes, you took off your earings and stuff, do you eant to be a man or something?" and he said it like he was exaggerating and I was like "What if I do want to be a man?" and he stares at me and his mouth dropped open.... and that's when I realized that this is a lost battle and stuff. I just fixed things by saying it's not about me, that Im talking in general and he said that this was against our human nature.
I don't want to be an adult, I don't want to break away from my childhood, I just want to finish school with all its bullshit in peace. I want to be left alone. T ohave time for myself and the things I like.
I know many people have it worse than me, is that a reason for me not to fight?
Thank you for your support! <3

Will reply more tomorrow!

[posterpicture]

Actually, it's worse than I thought. I thought that maybe I could start slowly altering myself, you know, and stuff. BUt as I mentioned above, yesterday I learned that all hope is gone. I have to play the role they want me to play. My father said "You wear male clothes, you took off your earings and stuff, do you eant to be a man or something?" and he said it like he was exaggerating and I was like "What if I do want to be a man?" and he stares at me and his mouth dropped open.... and that's when I realized that this is a lost battle and stuff. I just fixed things by saying it's not about me, that Im talking in general and he said that this was against our human nature.
I don't want to be an adult, I don't want to break away from my childhood, I just want to finish school with all its bullshit in peace. I want to be left alone. T ohave time for myself and the things I like.
I know many people have it worse than me, is that a reason for me not to fight?
Thank you for your support! <3

Will reply more tomorrow!

I read a book about coming out and my favorite part was:
" If coming out means you will get kicked out of your house, loose your job, get executed... then don't come out".
If you know your parents are not ready to accept who you are then you don't have to come out to them to make your life more miserable.
That doesn't mean you are a coward, it is just mean that you are smart person and know how to make wise decision. Also, the moment you accept your difference is already the moment you make yourself everything but a coward.

I know you are hurt by your parents reaction to your sexual orientation but I am sure your parents feel hurt about that as well.

[marshlander]

... I know many people have it worse than me, is that a reason for me not to fight? ...

Of course not. You have to do what you have to do. However, many people have discovered that guerilla warfare often yields more efficient results and at considerably less personal cost.