Balance of Probabilities

[Shadow]

Okay, I'm intending for this thread to be used as a helpful example for those of you that have not yet come out as to what it was like for those of us that have come out when we chose to do so.

It is my hope that you will be encouraged by the stories people share on this thread, and that, whilst I do not intend for it to artificially accelerate the process of your coming out, as there are a large number of considerations you really ought to give thought to before coming out, I would like for you to find it heart-warming.

Therefore I've called it "balance of probabilities" as, in my experience, many more people have positive coming outs than negative ones ...

I started coming out when I was 21. I'd known I was gay since I was 6, but having grown up in an entirely straight world (or so it seemed), I had gotten used to my mates chucking the gay word around as a negative for WELL over a decade before deciding to come clean, and come out.

When they found out (although nobody at all was shocked, although most people didn't seem to have considered it - they just thought I was shy and reserved and a bit of a geek really I guess), every single one of them was nothing but loving, supportive, and cool about the whole thing.

It was the biggest anti-climax of my entire life, and I can only hope that you find it to be as big a relief, and as deflating an experience as I did, as I think that's the way it probably ought to be. After all, "so what" is how people SHOULD respond, non ??

My mates have questions about it (some of them are REALLY amazing and too precious to repeat), but yep, NONE of them have a problem with it. In fact it's changed their views on homosexuality CONSIDERABLY ... try cracking an anti-gay joke in front of one of them now and they'll bite your head off, and I'm not a politically-minded individual, so I take that as high praise indeed bless 'em.

Anybody else want to contribute to my thread hiar ??

Never forget that you're not alone by the way - regardless of whether we're out or not, at some point we were all closeted ...

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

xXxXx

[swim73088]

most of my mates I know would not have a problem with it though there are a few that are very immature and would not know how to react. i'll give it at least another year and see where it goes from there.

[GayComputerDude]

you hit it on the head Shadow

no real problems ... things changed a bit but no real problems

and the really really really straight friends (guys) .. ya - they protect gays now

it's funny

[portugal_the_man]

I only came out to my sister, and that was only because I took about 20 Kava Kava pills, and I was feeling 'woozy'. She accepted it and even wrote me a letter telling me that she loved me. It was a very good feeling, and I should've taken that momentum and come out completely. My family is 'very' Christian, so that type of thing is a no no. I already know how they would react because my sister-in-law's brother had a sex change operation, and my family did nothing but joke about it and make fun of him (these are Christians!).

I thought my sister would 'help' me in my journey, but she has mental problems of her own, so she's no use there. We used to talk about guys we thought were hot, etc; but she's a shut-in so I can hardly take her to a gay club so I don't have to go it alone. Oh well.

The only time I feel like I have enough courage to say something to something is when I'm drunk (not often) or when I'm taking percocet or vicodin (only when I've had them prescribed because of surgery or something).

It sucks to have to hide it. It sucks real bad. You feel alone almost all the time because you're never YOU, you're always playing the part. I don't want the role anymore though.

[Shadow]

Babe that sucks :frown:,

However you're definitely in the right place (as I'm sure you know - you've been here longer than me) - the lads that use this site seem like a really nice and genuine bunch of guys, and so you've got a great framework for supporting yourself through any lows you might experience in your present situation, and any future ones you might encounter (although obviously I for one would hope they were as small in number as possible mile.

Christians can be awful people sometimes - over here we have those fish symbols on the back of cars that basically shout out to the world that you're a Christian ? They are almost ALWAYS the most aggressive drivers ...

... turn the other cheek ?? Shyeah RIGHT !!

It sucks to have to hide it. It sucks real bad. You feel alone almost all the time because you're never YOU, you're always playing the part. I don't want the role anymore though.

You know, if ever you want to talk or what have you, you can always punch my e-mail address into MSN if you use it ... [email protected].



!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

Hey Portugal,

In the end you have to decide how YOU want to live your life. You're 26 already. You might end up being surprised at your family. Homo's "out there" and homo's close to home are very often different things. It's easy to mock or make fun of people who you don't love or care about, it's a whole different story when they are your children.

But even if that IS the case. At 26 you have to decide what is your life and what is that of your family. You talk of being lonely and sad.....and for what? So your parents can keep believing you are someone you are not? Are you willing to stay sad and loney to keep this facade going for their benefit? They've had their time, lived their lives...ARE living their lives as they see fit. You deserve no less.

If you want to be happy you are eventually going to have to make the move and do it for yourself. You might even be surprised that they react differently then you expected....or at least will get to that point over time. They might freak out at first, but it's hard to push your child away over the long haul.

Either way though, you deserve to be happy for you, and this will only happen when you decide to follow your heart and allow yourself to be who you really are. Hopefully your family will eventually understand this as well, but if not it's still your life. You're no longer a child who has to follow or depend on his parents but a man who should be leading his own life. One who wants his family but doesn't depend on them for his own happiness.

[drocko17]

it's really hard for ryan guys, i only told him the only thing he needs is to motivate himself, find things to encourage him to leave the 'bubble', with motivation and courage he'll do it

[Shadow]

Don't get me wrong, it was never my intention to put pressure on anybody to come out - that's the last thing I'd ever do ...

I'm sure that, once Portugal_the_man (whom I take it is Ryan - I've not spoken with him personally mile has decided to take the plunge, he'll do so with courage and strength of character ...

I just wanted him to know that we'll always be here for him :biggrin:.

Cheers mon ami,

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!