oh god wat do i do

[dasbas]

umm, im in a bad place in life.
to start my grandfather who i lived with cause my parents were druggies died my grandmother tore up his will so i didnt nor did my brother get what was to be passed down but thats not wats got me by the neck. im gay 20 in the closet to all but one friend,a virgin ECT. i was kicked out as soon as my grandpa died wtf? never got a reason. i had to move to oklahoma with very close friends closer than family saw myself going nowhere there so i moved to live in arkansas with my brother who lives on base hes a airforce member hes married to whom i consider a bipolar monster, im in a dead end part time job im thinking of joining the national guard i passed the asvab with a high score i can handle boot camp after what ive been through, but if i join i will go to afghanistan for a year straight i dont have a diploma or a ged and i cant get one and have a job at the same time my step father and brother want me to come live with them in longbeach ca after i drove halfway across the country and wasted tons of money to get here but i dont think i could get established out there its impossible to find a job there i miss my family and friends more than anything my spirit is dying i dont know what to do all i want is a boyfrind for company and a place to live where i can record some music. what the hell do i do and where do i start. i have no friends here and am pretty damned depressed and lonely.:frown:




------------------------------------------------

look in the mirror
see what you saw
take the saw cut
the mirror in half
two halves make
a whole jump
through the hole.

,anon

[Beaux]

umm, im in a bad place in life.
to start my grandfather who i lived with cause my parents were druggies died my grandmother tore up his will so i didnt nor did my brother get what was to be passed down but thats not wats got me by the neck. im gay 20 in the closet to all but one friend,a virgin ECT. i was kicked out as soon as my grandpa died wtf? never got a reason. i had to move to oklahoma with very close friends closer than family saw myself going nowhere there so i moved to live in arkansas with my brother who lives on base hes a airforce member hes married to whom i consider a bipolar monster, im in a dead end part time job im thinking of joining the national guard i passed the asvab with a high score i can handle boot camp after what ive been through, but if i join i will go to afghanistan for a year straight i dont have a diploma or a ged and i cant get one and have a job at the same time my step father and brother want me to come live with them in longbeach ca after i drove halfway across the country and wasted tons of money to get here but i dont think i could get established out there its impossible to find a job there i miss my family and friends more than anything my spirit is dying i dont know what to do all i want is a boyfrind for company and a place to live where i can record some music. what the hell do i do and where do i start. i have no friends here and am pretty damned depressed and lonely.:frown:




------------------------------------------------

look in the mirror
see what you saw
take the saw cut
the mirror in half
two halves make
a whole jump
through the hole.

,anon

They are called "straight women". Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I have lost all my grandparents as well and know that it leaves an empty space inside of you. You are really going through some seriously rough times right now and I feel for you. I lived in CA for almost 3 years and have to say, even with Awesome people, wonderful weather and tolerant general feel, it IS difficult to balance the books when you live there. I dont know all of your situation or the gravity of some situations versus how others weigh on you, but (were it myself) I would go the CA route.
Here's why:

First and foremost, thats where it sounds like your most accepted and wanted.

If you feel the military is truely the place you should be then I am all for it, but it doesnt seem that your even vaguely intrested in joining, and thats something you should really be committed to doing if you join (I am speaking form years of experience dating military men).

And here is where my oldschool-queer training comes in: If your even moderately attractive, not socially inept, and btw the ages of 17 and 24 (25 if ya push it) the gay community WILL take you in, you will have lots of friends and build your self a life. (what you do with it, who you associate with, and what kind of trouble you may get into really depends on you)

Finally, I left home a when I was a little younger than you are now. I SERIOUSLY considered running off to New Orleans and just living totally out. But, I was scared, I lacked confidence. Now that was ME. I am not saying that you have the same problems. However, if I had known then, what I know now about how easy it is to move away on my own, I would have started walking out of town as soon as I mastered that crawling thing.
What I mean is, be brave young man. The feeling of accomplishment you get when you build yourself a life of your own, independent of others whims, is well worth it.

Peace,
Beaux

[dasbas]

thank u and yeah im not seriouse about much anything in life, and yeah straight women OMFG!
i only want to join the guard because when i get back from training i could get a job that i would enjoy so much more and much easier than getting a crap job with no diploma ect. i do have 1 out friend in cali who i could hang around and meet a few ppl im tinkin really hard as of this point anyways thak you. anyone else with advice it would be very appreciated

[fenris]

I think in such a situation it is very important that you don´t rush with your decisions. Give yourself the time to concider your decisions... if it helps make a pro and contra list to show yourself the possibilities what you can do, what you want and what your only want to do because it seems in time a "only easy-decision"....

[DarkDaisuke]

I'm so sorry to hear that Wow life fucking sucks at times Things will get better though I'm sure

[Wintereis]

Sorry, sounds like a hard situation to be in. I didn't know that the N.G. recruited people without a GED or Diploma. If I were you, that would be the first thing I did.

[jbrowder24]

I'm a little unsure why you can't get a GED or degree while working a job... lots of people work and take classes at the same time, be it an online option, night courses, whatever. Though yes sometimes it's difficult still to find jobs unfortunately But I don't think you should rule stuff out. As for National Guard, do you have to join a unit that will definitely be going to Afghanistan? I don't know how these things work, I just know that there are at least a few units in the U.S. who do other stuff (like work at GITMO). Also, what about any other service options such as Navy? (unsure if those need degree or not).

In general though Beaux is right. You love music? Work hard at making contacts, pitching in, etc. I know you can't exactly go and DJ or mix without the right equipment, but maybe you can find paying gigs helping people, even if it's not a full time job it'll help.

[Jfierce]

Just a quick thought...if you really want to be in music biz Cali is a good place to be.

[marshlander]

I am very sorry to hear of your recent bereavement; may I extend my condolences. Having buried my father on Monday and now having to face finding somewhere else to live I have a little understanding of being at a crossroads. I also earn what sometimes jokingly passes for my living from making music.

At twenty you are probably quite capable of striking out on your own and, if the alternative is to be with people you don't get on with, might be a better way for you. Unless you have a fairy godmother you are unlikely to find someone who will support you financially so that you can record music all day, so a job of some sort is going to be a necessity. I don't know about the qualifications you mentioned, so I'll outline what someone in the UK might be able to consider. Maybe there is something similar for you, wherever you end up.

Dead end jobs have their uses, particularly if they are part-time. You go in, do your hours then leave it all behind. Other jobs expect you to put in long hours as you attempt to climb some sort of career ladder. If music is your passion a part-time job might help provide some income to enable you to eat and pay some bills, while you build up a music portfolio and make time for practising your chops, writing/composing, production ... whatever happens to be your thing. If you are in a career job you are often too tired to give energy to your music and you don't have the flexibility to allow time for taking advantage of any unexpected musical opportunity.

Like me, most of my musical friends cannot earn a living from a single project and we have a number of things on the go at any one time. In my case, I have made a bit of a specialism of leading composition projects in education and community settings, some of my friends have established a list of pupils who want to learn an instrument, others have some sort of music/arts project management work and we take the work we want to do as often as we can when it comes our way. I perform with and compose for a few bands and deputise when someone is unavailable in others. If I had more talent and more focus I may have made more of a success in one field, but I just about scrape by and enjoy what I do.

Were you in the UK I would suggest you consider applying to take one of the many music courses available in colleges or the more reputable privately managed institutions and take some part time work to help cover your needs. I don't know how near you are to such places as http://losangeles.sae.edu/en-us/home/ or if there is somewhere like http://www.icmp.co.uk/ near you, but by attending a bona fide institution (as opposed to one of the many fly-by-night operations) you will obtain expert tuition, career guidance and, most importantly, make contacts.

[toomuch45]

im very sorry to hear that about your grandfather luckily its good that your living with your brother
with the exception of your brothers wife uugh lol:eek:

but do you know A program called job corps they can actually help you get a ged or a high school diploma look it up online it helped me a lot
i got my high school diploma from there
i hope that will help you out