Fraternity... Uh oh.

[collinrunner]

So long story short, I am bisexual but in love with my boyfriend and we've been together a year now and have been in hiding the whole time. I am a sophomore in college and I am on the executive board of my fraternity. Last month, word got out that I'm gay and now everyone knows/knows through rumors. As a leader of my fraternity, I have no idea what to do.

I have had a few people come to me with support, but I know there are people that will say "fraternities are for straight guys only, GTFO." Sadly. The other issue I've thought about is social issues... where sororities won't want to hang out with us because there's a gay kid. The other issue... people wanting me to step down from my position because the exec board is supposed to be the "face" of the fraternity. I'm just all mixed up now...

In short, I don't know how to approach the situation in an appropriate way so I can essentially gain acceptance of who I am to my brothers. All advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance everyone!!

[dasbas]

tell them if they dont want to be pledges again and get thier hands glued to thier asses then shut up

[posterpicture]

You have to be tough. Stick out for yourself. As an exec, you must have some leadership skills so I think you know how to do that.
I am a member of one of the most important organization on my campus also and I am out to the whole organization My organization supposes to represent the whole school and my school is homophobe ( we just hit the national news for that ).
But what I did is I gather people who I know will provide me support for who I am instead of which orientation I have.
After getting enough people you know that will support you then use "diversity", good cause", "love", "no hate" and all of these fancy words to give a decent speech to gain more support. Use tragic events like suicidal kids to create "rally around the flag" effect. Be loud and proud. Tell whoever goes against you to FO.
If they already spread out that you are gay then by hiding, you are automatically eliminate yourself from the game.

Side note: sororities are fu*** vain and ignorant. I would never want to associate with them lol.

[jbrowder24]

Sorry to read all this. My advice is never as good right before bed, but I am a bit curious if sororities would really not want to socialize with a frat because one member happens to be gay? Especially since younger people and girls especially tend to be more accepting of gays these days? Though I'm sure you're right about a few comments, there's a part of me that hopes some of your fears are just that - fears - and that the situation perhaps isn't going to be as bad as you think. I certainly hope it all goes easy for you.

I went to a small college that didn't have frats so perhaps someone that did experience frats can give some better advice, but I am curious if your fraternity has some sort of charter or something, and what that might say or not say about members of sexual orientation? That you've had some people already come up to you is definitely good, and I'm hopeful you can keep your standing and position... but it'd be good to know what officially is said in case anyone does challenge it.

I'm not sure what's the best way to address your frat brothers in terms of coming out, but I think it's important to just keep being you - show them that you're still the same guy they partied with earlier in the year, just happen to have a boyfriend

[OrphanPip]

I don't even understand the American frat thing anyway, can't you join something that isn't a glorified system of reinforcing archaic structures of hierarchical social privilege.

[SrChulo]

Just exude confidence, and they shall follow.

A sorority not hanging out with your frat because there's a gay kid is highly unlikely. Same with those other situations. Just be confident.... they already look up to you anyway.

[zeon]

Hello there,
Them knowing your sexuality could work to your advantage.. So your the head of the thing so you have upmost control...

Id say if i was you

Yeah I am gay and you.... You are going to respect me as your top boss and your going to respect me for my honesty rather than anything else... You state that its for hetrosexual people... Would you mind pulling up the terms and conditions which stated this or find some sourceful evidence to back up your ridiculous claims... I will however pre-warn you that should these be prooven correct you could be jepodising the entire collapse of this organistion.. Your narrow minds would be responsible for more than your actions could justify... I now hold the ball in your court... You choose your path do you move onwards and upwards Or... Does this have to go to stage two where I as your boss await your evidence on this matter???

Kindest regards

zeon

p.s if he provides you evidence get back in touch and hey we can go to stage two

[marshlander]

I'm sure this is a serious problem, but I find the whole fraternity thing mystifying and more than a tad bizarre. I'm glad my college years weren't blighted by anything so ... masonic?!

[collinrunner]

Thank you guys, a lot. I hope that my fears are just fears and will disappear when I confront people about it or vice versa. I don't know whether or not I should do one of the following:

A. Let it run its own course in people's rumors and minds and never talk about it
B. Confront it head on and tell everyone at the same time very bluntly
C. Do it individually so it's not a generic response kind of thing

Ugh....

[posterpicture]

I would go with B.
A leader takes thing head on. There is risk but it 's worth it.