This guy I live with who Im not in a relationship with is driving me crazy

[Miller91]

I moved in with this guy in November and I wish I would not have. The only reason I really did was because I needed to come out and living with my parents that just wouldnt work... they dont agree with it. I knew he had an attraction to me and I thought that moving in would be a bad idea but I really at that point had no choice. it was stay with my parets who are very relegious or move in with this guy. So I did. I guess he thought I was going to be his boyfriend....atleast thats what a couple of my friends had told me. Well when I moved in I made it about me. Not him. Dont get me wrong I tried to include him in my activities but when I would he would end up getting really drunk and destroying some of my things. Crawling in my bed in the middle of the night....without my consent. He doesnt have a job. his sugga daddy pays the rent which is close to $1,000 a month. He sleeps all day... and complains of the door being shut to hard when I leave for work in the morning. He Wont look for work...he still cant get over a guy he dated 7 years ago...hell start cleaning...either when I m away or when im up in my room.... and I swear its to make me looke like i did nothing....since the rent is pretty much paid by his sugga daddy....I think hes using what I give him towards rent for alcohol and what not.....pleace help me....im moving out in a couple of months....and I dont know how to break it to him.

[rakmatis]

He kinda seems like the type to get violent over a thing like that... it might be best to ninja vanish on him, dont tell him till the last minute, safety first you know... but if you do tell him, make sure youre ready for whatever he may do...

[Kiri]

I think you should tell him while you're packed and ready to go and you should tell a couple of people where you are.

[Kiri]

Or you should try telling him somewhere public.

[jbrowder24]

Maybe ninja style is the way to go if you do fear he'd damage/steal/etc stuff. Start packing up some non-essentials first. see if you have a friend that will let you store stuff or even check into a rental unit. If he's there a lot, you may have to quitely sneak a few boxes out to the trunk of your vehicle while he's sleeping or something (try to avoid the door slams as he apparently doesn't sleep through them).

This is assuming you didn't sign some sort of lease. Or, if you can afford it, give him one last month's rent just to ease any tension about not giving him notice. If you can't afford that and think he can handle it, then you just need to buck up and tell him - but avoid when he's drunk. Just politely state your situation... don't make it about not liking it there, just say you either want to live on your own or your good friend asked you to move in, whatever the case might be, but you're very grateful that he helped you out in your time of need.

[Miller91]

Maybe ninja style is the way to go if you do fear he'd damage/steal/etc stuff. Start packing up some non-essentials first. see if you have a friend that will let you store stuff or even check into a rental unit. If he's there a lot, you may have to quitely sneak a few boxes out to the trunk of your vehicle while he's sleeping or something (try to avoid the door slams as he apparently doesn't sleep through them).

This is assuming you didn't sign some sort of lease. Or, if you can afford it, give him one last month's rent just to ease any tension about not giving him notice. If you can't afford that and think he can handle it, then you just need to buck up and tell him - but avoid when he's drunk. Just politely state your situation... don't make it about not liking it there, just say you either want to live on your own or your good friend asked you to move in, whatever the case might be, but you're very grateful that he helped you out in your time of need.

Really good I advice jbrowder! the other day I woke up to find my bowl of lettuce all over the floor in the kitchen that I had packed for the week, also there was popcorn all over the floor. Again, he had been drinking the night b4. I did start packing some stuff to make the move smoother. And maybe Ill talk to my mom about putting some stuff over there. or maybe I could talk to my new roomates and put stuff in there now rather than wait till the move in date. yeah i learned the other day not to talk to him about when hes drunk.

[Miller91]

He kinda seems like the type to get violent over a thing like that... it might be best to ninja vanish on him, dont tell him till the last minute, safety first you know... but if you do tell him, make sure youre ready for whatever he may do...

He is kinda like that. When I first moved in I was cooking and went out to smoke and the cat got out. I have never owned a cat. Havent lived with a cat in a million years. But i felt i did the right thing by calling him immediatly and telling him. Even though I didint want to. I call him and he was cool at first bu then he got nasty and said if I dont find the cat he would kill me. I was like if you so much as lay a hand on me im callin' the police.

[zeon]

Hello Miller,
Moving in with someone so u can be yourself can be a famnatstic experience however based on the evidence you have given its not fantastic... If this guy is expecting you to be his "boyfriend" then that is highly wrong, your not a possession nor is he however you stated his having difficulties getting over a relationship about a boy seven years ago.. I think he should seek some help or consider joinging gayspeak to open his mind and let it all out.. As its heard from friends it is only third party NOT factual evidence irrespective of how much you trust them..
You stated he destroyed some of your things... Has he replaced these??? If not his a complete bastard and by the sounds of it babes it is the begginning of domestic violence... Regardless of drunk or not drunk you never destroy other peoples items as things are not free... Does he drink to excessive??? With regards to crawling into your bed does he just drift off to sleep or has he taken advantage?? Please dont answer it if you wish not to. However you may wish to remind him that beds are sacred places and if he isnt invited please respect it. You are in your right to tell him this and dont let him feel he is over-powering you...
If his sugar daddy can afford the rent then maybe if you have his number you can call him to let him know the rent is $1,000 a month and all your require him to pay is 50% as your wanting to pay the other 50%. If his sleeping all day this has got to stop... It is NOT acceptable for you to walk around on egg shells.. When i lived in rented houseshare with five other gay lads they wanted to sleep all day but i got the hoover out and turned the HIFI up... If you can stay up all bloody night you can cope with the day.. If he doesnt want to look for work then he might as well be left on his own.. His taking advantage of your kind nature and knows he doesnt have to work and your rent can go directly for him...
I think if his intenting to stay there be honest with him.... When you read this say to him... I am moving out in a couple of months and giving my notice now... If he says why??? You then use this oppetunity to relay to him the reasons for it and the supportive evidence which you have stated on here... You dont want to get trapped in a home which is making you uncomfortable.. I was 18 when my ex landlord beat me because i wouldnt have sex with him or supply his alcohol and even broke my hand and kicked me out.... I wouldnt recommend living with someone who drinks excessively because it only leads to bad situations within life which is what has happenned on this occassion...

My thoughts are with you

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon xc

[Miller91]

Hello Miller,
Moving in with someone so u can be yourself can be a famnatstic experience however based on the evidence you have given its not fantastic... If this guy is expecting you to be his "boyfriend" then that is highly wrong, your not a possession nor is he however you stated his having difficulties getting over a relationship about a boy seven years ago.. I think he should seek some help or consider joinging gayspeak to open his mind and let it all out.. As its heard from friends it is only third party NOT factual evidence irrespective of how much you trust them..
You stated he destroyed some of your things... Has he replaced these??? If not his a complete bastard and by the sounds of it babes it is the begginning of domestic violence... Regardless of drunk or not drunk you never destroy other peoples items as things are not free... Does he drink to excessive??? With regards to crawling into your bed does he just drift off to sleep or has he taken advantage?? Please dont answer it if you wish not to. However you may wish to remind him that beds are sacred places and if he isnt invited please respect it. You are in your right to tell him this and dont let him feel he is over-powering you...
If his sugar daddy can afford the rent then maybe if you have his number you can call him to let him know the rent is $1,000 a month and all your require him to pay is 50% as your wanting to pay the other 50%. If his sleeping all day this has got to stop... It is NOT acceptable for you to walk around on egg shells.. When i lived in rented houseshare with five other gay lads they wanted to sleep all day but i got the hoover out and turned the HIFI up... If you can stay up all bloody night you can cope with the day.. If he doesnt want to look for work then he might as well be left on his own.. His taking advantage of your kind nature and knows he doesnt have to work and your rent can go directly for him...
I think if his intenting to stay there be honest with him.... When you read this say to him... I am moving out in a couple of months and giving my notice now... If he says why??? You then use this oppetunity to relay to him the reasons for it and the supportive evidence which you have stated on here... You dont want to get trapped in a home which is making you uncomfortable.. I was 18 when my ex landlord beat me because i wouldnt have sex with him or supply his alcohol and even broke my hand and kicked me out.... I wouldnt recommend living with someone who drinks excessively because it only leads to bad situations within life which is what has happenned on this occassion...

My thoughts are with you

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon xc

Yeah he made up for most of the stuff that he destroyed. I too thought this was the beggining of domestic violence...it sounded crazy but when I accidently let his cat out and he said he would kill me that frightened me. Plus, I was afraid he would come home drunk that night. Not that I dont think I could defend myself but that thought of having to really turned me off. Yes, he drinks to excessive and it and messy drunk. he already disrepected me several times and it was while he was drunk. I really didnt know how to respond at that point so I jsut ignored it and went to my room. As far as him coming into my room I pretty much did what you said. I woke up startled and told him he could not sleep here. I was very happy with myself. Thanks for writing it is NOT acceptable for me to walk around on egg shells, yeah tthis morning he fell asleep from a drunkin night and as I was getting breakfast ready for myself I almost did it all at a low level of noies then I got mad at myself for even trying it. I told myself this is crazy. I go to bed like a good boy wake up at a decent hour. And Ieeeeeeeeeeeeee. gotta be quiet? So I just snached the frying pan out of the cabinet and finished at a nosie level I was happy with. that along with the laundry too. I used to wait till he got up but im like I wanna be somebody that im proud of this late crap aint gunna work.

Your landlord beat you? OMG you had to have been so disappointed. OMG just because he wouldnt have sex with you. How ugly.

Thanks for your help and concern!

[posterpicture]

Shit like this happens when people use each other for their own personal gains. I don't want to judge but do you see a karma here?
He uses his sugar daddy then you use him.
My only advice is to stand on your own feet.