isnt being gay kinda lonely

[drocko17]

I bring this thread from the very depths.

but for the younger fags just coming out, its very scary lonely and like urm, "walking into the unkown"

as its also very hard to find a really attractive guy who isnt an asshole

yeah, actually that's what i feel rite now... i'm feeling that coming out of the closet seems as if you were suddenly forced to dare into a strange new way of life; what my parents told me (their first impression), is that it was going to be quite difficult and i ws going to suffer (¬.¬, lovely), you know, it feels as if i jumped into dark space, when i finish school in four months and i go to uni i'll have to struggle for my life more than any other mate, it seems as if all this deal of closet and admitting homosexuality is an extra obstacle in life... i see other guys at school that have a job, have their girlfriends, they've earned an important level of life-autonomy, they are squeezing and enjoying their treenage days; and it seems horribly unfair that on the other side there's a guy desperately trying to feel comfortably surrounded and still 'taking out the cloak', makes me sad to feel as if i'm in the pit watching life go by, lacking of a shoulder to cry; as if it was sort of punishment of being gay... dunno, as if we were forced to a harder steeplechase.

Also the fact that my friends can just go out and pull basically anywhere? But then I have the whole is he gay, I cant try if he isnt how do I find out etc.

Exactly, i agree, that's why carrying a gay life is lonely, approximately 10% of people are homosexual, so it's 90% more difficult for us to find the right person, 'love of our life'.

[Shadow]

I agree that life can be lonely, and gay life can be lonely (sometimes very lonely), depending on where you are, who you're with, what kind of support network you have in place (by which I mean whether you're out to your friends and/or family, whether they're all 100% supportive of you, etc., etc.).

If you're closeted then yes, there are times when it can feel extremely oppressive just trying to get by, as people will oftentimes cut you dead in your tracks with a careless word or a thoughtless gesture ... and that does little to bolster your confidence - confidence you need if you're wanting to come out ...

... but life, to me, is a coin - it has two sides - ups and downs, rough and smooth ... and although this is going to sound really kinda screwed up (please do hear me out), whilst I would never advocate any of you having to go through the bad times, I believe an appreciation of the bad times can help you to better appreciate the good times ... the really REALLY important things in life - the things money can't buy, and which mean more to you than anything in the world ...

... a kiss, a cuddle, a hug, a meaningful stare deep into your eyes, somebody looking at you and telling you they love you, or care about you, these things mean so much more to us than most, because we have (in many cases) been unable to have them as we have so desperately wanted them, for the longest of times.

So whilst I do totally agree with you, in that there are a number of downsides to being gay (like the difficulties in getting married, having kids, settling down, avoiding the stigma, bla bla bla), there are also a lot of plusses as well ... for example, as I have already said, you have got, from having HAD to endure so many negatives in your lives, a finer appreciation of the good times than you might have had, had you taken them for granted.

... but I will, of course, understand if that comes as small consolation.



!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[drocko17]

o thankz!

i gradually went overpassing those sad stages, as i'm defining my gay identity, making conclusions, climbing slowly up the stairs... still i dunno what surprise 'future' has for me... :S

[Shadow]

The future is going to be wonderful mile: x.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

And many of you are talking absolutes....

As if being straight emmediately gives you the perfect ten wife...the perfect children, the perfect vacations....some smooth road through life that being gay stops in it's tracks.

Do you have any idea how many guys out there NEVER get laid? Why do you think the porn section of any video store is the largest genre? How about having three kids and NO husband? Or three kids and some job that really only supports one? How being straight and falling for some girl who doesn't love you back? Or from another town or country.....

The reality is being gay does add a bit more of a complication, but only really if you let it. You could be straight and obese, or Jewish and fall in love with a Catholic....or fall in love and divorced in 4 years (the straight average now) and dealing with an outraged ex taking all your money and not letting you see your kids.....Or how about some aranged marriage when you really love some girl around the corner?

Life can be lonely. It doesn't really matter if you are gay or straight. The problem is many gay men attribute their loneliness with comming out....then realise that there is a lot more to life than just your sexuality...then it's a sircular blame game.

You have to work at life. There is no free pass. If you're too poor you want to be richer or too fat to be thinner or gay it would be easier being straight.....

Everyones gots problems they think are far more difficult than anyone elses. It's just life. Make the best of it. I wouldn't trade being gay for anything in the world.

[spotysocks]

Michael that is a good reality check.

[Shadow]

*Shadow applauds Michael*

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

Tanks babe!

Any idea how many of my straight friends whinge about how it must be so great being gay? None of the stupid hastles and game playing that they constantly deal with with their girlfriends....or how much money they have to give out for the slight chance they might get laid! ;-)

There's a reason so many straight guys say "god I wish my best mate had tits!" Being gay I get my lover, my best friend and an always willing and ready partner all rolled up in one. Life couldn't be sweeter!

Grass is always greener....

[Shadow]

I must admit I was driving out to lunch today with Ian (who you, Michael, will no doubt remember - Peter's brother ?), and he was bemoaning the fact that it's SO hard for him to find the type of girl he wants to go out with ... somebody he described as "wanting to be with me, but sophisticated enough to be comfortable having sex with other people on the side, and who wouldn't mind me doing the same", but he said he could NEVER see a straight girl going for that ...

... I just smiled and thought "LOADS of gay relationships are like that dude - perhaps we DO have it easier in some ways !!"

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[swim73088]

its strange for me because i am still in the closet but really am not looking for just a shag like so many people my age (19) are. i have alot of close mates whom i love very much but my family is very far away from me (they live in the US and I live in the UK) so i am really looking for a relationship with someone i can truly talk to and feel like they are listening and understand where i am coming from. i fall asleep thinking...damn it would be nice to have someone lying next to me (not in a sexual way), but more in the sense of having companionship.

i assume most, if not all, of my mates are straight and it emotionally kills me when they talk about who they have pulled and who they fancy. I just want to scream "I don't give a crap about that!" if i told them i fancy "insert male name" they would think i am joking or being cheeky and this is horribly lonely.

one of my mates who i really fancy and think could potentially be gay has had a girlfriend for three years but has sent me some strange and very mixed signals (not getting into it). whenever i see him speaking to a girl or when he talks about his past sexual experiences I swear to god my heart sinks and i feel horribly sad and lonely. i just shut down and everyone thinks i have these massive mood swings for no reason. i become distant and obviously can't tell them why i feel this way without outing myself. to be honest i don't know how they would react if i told them the truth (not about being gay but about how one of our best mates makes me feel). my housemate even sat me down and asked me what was wrong. i just couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth.