my boyfriend is talking with his ex boyfriend

[username1982]

hi guys
i really need your advice
my boyfriend is now friend with his ex and this really bother me
cauze he told me that there star having sex since they were 14 all the way to 20 or 21 years old
weve been together for 6 years now and he just start talking to him like 5 days ago
emails, text messages, facebook and phone calls
i told him that i dont like that and he say that he is one of his best friends
so
should i be worry ?
also he no w delete all the messages and emails and chat logs

[Miller91]

hi guys
i really need your advice
my boyfriend is now friend with his ex and this really bother me
cauze he told me that there star having sex since they were 14 all the way to 20 or 21 years old
weve been together for 6 years now and he just start talking to him like 5 days ago
emails, text messages, facebook and phone calls
i told him that i dont like that and he say that he is one of his best friends
so
should i be worry ?
also he no w delete all the messages and emails and chat logs

I wouldnt worry about it. I know thats easier said than done. But maybe this is a good thing. Dont worry so much about how often or how long they had sex. thats not really imporatant. What matters is how solid the relationship is between the two of you. the more you dont make it an issue. the more hell respect you. If its been 6 years I dont really see too much happening...dont worry show him how much of a man you are by taking a deep breath and not worrying.

[jbrowder24]

Hello to a fellow Iowan.

In general, I'd say it's definitely possible for people to just be friends after a break-up and to not worry unless it becomes too much (i.e. spending so much time with the friend/ex that you're neglected) or unless he gives you reason. Unfortunately the chat stuff being deleted is a little suspicious in my opinion... but is he doing it just because he's afraid you'd read too much into harmless talking of the past, or because of something more?

That said if you make it a big issue, you might drive a wedge between you guys so you do want to tread carefully. I am wondering a couple things. One, why did this just start up? Did the ex just move back in town or something? Second, how are things going between you two?

I don't think it matters how long they were together. Sure first loves can be special but they hold nothing on who ends up being a soul mate, and sometimes as we mature we have a better sense of who is right for us. You guys have been together for six years so something must be going good - right? I hope so.

Anyway... just try your best to be respectful of his desires. You can be honest that it makes you uncomfortable, but don't treat him as if he's doing something wrong. And maybe plan a special date night to remind him of why he's with you and not him, just in case

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Don't worry man! Give him some space and trust him! If things start getting way too suspicious, like if he is getting distant or anything, then worry. :}

[toomuch45]

just be patient and he will come to you i know it

hold on to your love dont lose it

[DarkDaisuke]

Dont worry too much. Unless he ends up coming home late a lot and you know hes been with him, then worry :/ Theres an extent to how long one hangs out with friends if they have a significant other. Not saying you cant hang out but like say for two weeks he hasnt been home at all barely yeah...

[romannose]

You're looking at things the wrong way round. You have no control over another person, or know what they're thinking-only yourself. You have explained your position, now you accept or move on. Maybe heartless, cruel; but it's reality.

[Vigilias]

Am I the only one to sound a note of caution here?

You've been in a relationship with a guy for six years and all of a sudden he's talking to his ex!

Personally, I feel that trust is very important in a relationship and if you can't trust the person you're with, it's time to bail!

[azulai]

Maybe they lost touch and are just reconnecting as friends?

Maybe he is now deleting the messages because you expressed that they bother you, so he's trying to avoid getting you upset? He may not realize that he made things worse for you, because now it has an air of secrecy.

I would recommend that you just have a very calm and honest conversation with him (again) and ask him to help you deal with your fears and concerns. I just feel that's a very important aspect of being a bf. Your fears are real; they are upsetting you. Don't be accusatory or argumentative, but ask him to help you feel confident about the two of you again.

I hope this all works out for you!

[Miller91]

Hello to a fellow Iowan.

In general, I'd say it's definitely possible for people to just be friends after a break-up and to not worry unless it becomes too much (i.e. spending so much time with the friend/ex that you're neglected) or unless he gives you reason. Unfortunately the chat stuff being deleted is a little suspicious in my opinion... but is he doing it just because he's afraid you'd read too much into harmless talking of the past, or because of something more?

That said if you make it a big issue, you might drive a wedge between you guys so you do want to tread carefully. I am wondering a couple things. One, why did this just start up? Did the ex just move back in town or something? Second, how are things going between you two?

I don't think it matters how long they were together. Sure first loves can be special but they hold nothing on who ends up being a soul mate, and sometimes as we mature we have a better sense of who is right for us. You guys have been together for six years so something must be going good - right? I hope so.

Anyway... just try your best to be respectful of his desires. You can be honest that it makes you uncomfortable, but don't treat him as if he's doing something wrong. And maybe plan a special date night to remind him of why he's with you and not him, just in case

I totally agree with you on this one. The date night thing is a really good idea and will make him remember why he is with you.