Okay, i honestly feel ridiculous for posting this because probably everyone else had done it but whatever.. ill post anyway.
So, hey guys! If i havent talked to you before, im 18, enjoying life and chasing my dreams BUT STILL CLOSETED. So that you guys get the full story, ill rewind a bit.
4 months ago, i was at the top of the world. In love, in a relationship (with the person i was in love with, of course haha), i was ready to give him my virginity AND i was ready to come out to everyone. I had it all planned out and i was very confident because i had my bf to support me through it all. BUT... just after i came out to my parents, he broke up with me. I lost all the strength and confidence i needed to come out on that day. Oh, and i didnt loose my virginity, thankfully.
Fast forward to today: Im single, my ex asked me to come back to him but he turned out to be an asshole so i said no, im still closeted to almost everyone and i dont think my parents believed me when i came out to them. I really wanna come out of the closet but now that theres no one there to support me through it all, i feel really scared. Scared that, in coming out, i may loose a lot, if not all, of the people i care about. I try to be very conspicuous about my sexuality without saying it out loud. I tell tons of gay jokes, i check out hot guys when i see them and the way i fix myself up isnt really expected from a straight guy (i dont dress feminine in any way but im more concerned about my looks than most straight guys are). I try to make people suspect that im gay without telling them.
Is it wrong that i feel that i need to be in love and in a relationship with someone to have the strength and confidence to come out? I dont have any gay friends and after my first relationship, i sometimes feel like im never going to find another person again. Every guy i meet that catches my attention just so happen to live so far away. I wish i could say i am strong enough to come out and deal with the consequences alone but i dont think i can  This sucks
what do you guys think??
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If you've made it pretty obvious that you're gay, you may find that some of your friends once you tell them simply respond, "Yeah we kind of figured." And life goes on as normal. Everyone has different situations but you've already seen that, even if they didn't react as expected, as least the parents didn't flip out, and you sound like you haven't tried putting on an act with dating girls, using gay put-downs, etc.
If you're wanting support though... any friends you really trust? Sometimes one good friend accepting us helps give us the courage to tell the other friends.
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 mile:
First important thing is that you don´t set yourself under pressure this " I have to tell it NOW" is completely wrong.. the time and the moment counts, so don´t rush.
Try it out with a friend you trust... wait for the reaction and then go further. It can be that you lost some "friends"... but.. if they don´t want you as the guy you are, you don´t really need them. And don´t tell it to everyone... other people don´t tell you that they are straight so why you should tell them that you are gay ?
Don´t make the mistake to make a open anouncement to many of your friends at the same time, that can be a mistake because they don´t know how to react and after a while you don´t have a overview how many people know.. and how many people have chattered about you...
Honestly it seems a bit hard for the first come out ... but it isn´t mostly as bad as it sounds :-)
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jbrowder24 Wrote:If you've made it pretty obvious that you're gay, you may find that some of your friends once you tell them simply respond, "Yeah we kind of figured." And life goes on as normal. Everyone has different situations but you've already seen that, even if they didn't react as expected, as least the parents didn't flip out, and you sound like you haven't tried putting on an act with dating girls, using gay put-downs, etc.
If you're wanting support though... any friends you really trust? Sometimes one good friend accepting us helps give us the courage to tell the other friends.
Thats exactly the reaction im trying to get. Im also secretly just wishing that, when they introduce me to people or when they talk about me, theyd straight out say 'he's gay' haha. Its actually telling them thats the problem. I tried to just blurt it out in a random conversation and ended up choking 
And i think my parents suspected it already from me. When i told them i was bi (after i poured out a ton of tears) my dad told me "well, we already thought of it as a possibility because you're... bla bla bla" and that comforted me a lot. I dont think my mom believed me though because a few weeks later she said "sometimes i pray that youll be a real man with a real girl". That kinda burned.
fenris Wrote:mile:
First important thing is that you don´t set yourself under pressure this " I have to tell it NOW" is completely wrong.. the time and the moment counts, so don´t rush.
Try it out with a friend you trust... wait for the reaction and then go further. It can be that you lost some "friends"... but.. if they don´t want you as the guy you are, you don´t really need them. And don´t tell it to everyone... other people don´t tell you that they are straight so why you should tell them that you are gay ?
Don´t make the mistake to make a open anouncement to many of your friends at the same time, that can be a mistake because they don´t know how to react and after a while you don´t have a overview how many people know.. and how many people have chattered about you...
Honestly it seems a bit hard for the first come out ... but it isn´t mostly as bad as it sounds :-)
Im not rushing at all. I just feel that its stopping me from meeting the next 'right guy'. Im actually planning out coming out right after i (hopefully) achieve my dreams, which (hopefully) will be by the end of this year. I wouldnt mind coming out to everyone and being talked behind my back, honestly. But i would want to tell my true friends in a more personal manner rather than just posting a fb status or something, just to show them that i care.
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I had wanted to come out with someone holding my hand, but after so many years I knew it wouldn't happen and I had to find my own strength to do it. Funny thing, after I came out to my parents and family... it was a huge weight gone, but I felt listless afterward. I expected things to change, I had hoped I would change. Instead, things just went on and I was left feeling a bit underwhelmed by the whole thing...
I don't really have any advice other than to trust the people around you. If you have a loving family and friends, then you really don't have anything to fear. I know thats easy to say, but putting it into practice is much more difficult. I wouldn't expect to wait until you have found a boyfriend to come out, since its really up to you. The support would be nice, but if you ultimately have to make it on your own.
I wish you the best for however to decide to do it and the reactions you receive.
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Flyboy,
Who is it you want to come out to? You have already told your parents, who is you would like to tell next? Is there anyone you would rather not know at the moment? If there isn't you could let a gossip do all the hard work for you.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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fredv3b Wrote:Flyboy,
Who is it you want to come out to? You have already told your parents, who is you would like to tell next? Is there anyone you would rather not know at the moment? If there isn't you could let a gossip do all the hard work for you.
My friends. I guess i dont want the rest of my family to find out. But how do i get rumors going?
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In my family just not having a gf works lol!!!
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sweetlad2010 Wrote:In my family just not having a gf works lol!!!
Haha! I wish it were like that for me!!! In my family, they think every girl i talk to is a girlfriend haha!
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Well one of my mates thinks something is up because I've started to dress smart all the time lol!!
Another mate thinks I'm gay but as I drink Real Ales he dosent really care, he even went camping with me in a small two men tent, he said to me at the time he dosnt care as long as I dont try kissing him lol!
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