so messed up

[pals2011]

hi everyone, just need some help/advice......

im 25 and i've just recently come out to my family, it took me 10 years to do that, in all them times i haven't been able to do anything with my life as i've been so scared, i've been living in fear far too long and now i just wanna pick up the courage and go out, i'm finding it all hard as i got no friends either, i've been feeling so depressed since tuesday and i just wanna now get up and explore the whole gay scene. but as im struggling to come to terms with it, i again have to stop my-self, i also fear going into gay bars just in case i bump into someone i konw, i know everyone knows my true identity, but i always had to say im not gay, as i was to scared to admit it, i dont know what its like to be gay, i dont know what people are like now a days with gay people, i dont seem to be getting the right support, my sister keeps saying take 1 day at a time, accept who i am, and start to love my-self. but how on earth do i do that, as i've never been able to love my-self, i know im gonna get teased by my brother, but im used to that as its been done most of my life. i just wanna live my life, and wanna be able to be proud of who i am,

be nice to hear from someone who has been through the whole process and be able to offer some help/advice/guidance, many thanks for taking the time to read this post.

[452]

While I'm not the "club gay" or the in-your-face-HEY!-LOOK!-I-like-penis kind either (and let's not pretend those don't exist, they do. It's almost like it's some sort of sporting event for them...), I am out and have been for some time. And to be honest, even if your family isn't accepting, even if you lose a friend or two, after the initial 'newness' of being out is over, it's really nothing special. I mean, I have never been a person to hide who I am and as soon as I got the first inkling I was into... A different agenda, I was not one to be shy. Never have been, really. Cautious, but never at my own expense. Your sister is right, that you should go one day at a time, but (and this is one of the things that tends to irritate me about some of the gay scene) you're just gay. It's something you've already lived with and will always live with. I always say it's like hair color. So you 'dyed your hair' when you were young and have been doing it so long, you almost don't even remember what your natural hair color is. But at some point in time (and I know this from experience) dying your hair gets to be really annoying and you FINALLY let your natural hair color come in. Sure, the people are going to be shocked at first, as they've never seen your true colors, but they'll adjust. The shock wears off and it goes back to who you are, not what you're wearing, not who you're sleeping with. Just who you are. I find it ridiculous that so many people let their sexuality rule their life. It's not even anything special in my book. I feel like I'm just rattling on and I've lost the point I was trying to make. I hope it's in there somewhere. XD I'll sum it up. You are who you are, embrace it, live life. Don't let it rule you, just be you.

[pals2011]

thanks for your post 452. i am so greatful.

[Kev]

Well done! It takes balls to do what you did and you should be proud of yourself. The best any of us can be is true to ourselves and the best any of our family and friends can do is accept who we are. Coming out doesn't change who we are from one moment to the next, we are still the same guy we were before the closet door opened. Be brave and let them all realize this, which they will if they appreciate you. You are not alone!

[Story]

quick question, what was your family's reaction to the news?

[pals2011]

well my family were fine with it. they already knew they said. they just waited for me to admit it, I know now what I am, just gotta get to grips with it and start to enjoy the life what I've missed out on, and thanks to the lady gaga song born this way its made me understand that were all born different and unique and it does.nt matter what we are as I'm tryin to understand now. we are all humans with feelings, emotions and love, so I'm gonna now try and come to terms with it as I know I can't change who I am, either people accept me or they don't, only human after all

[jbrowder24]

Your sister has some good advice, and if you can't figure out how to love yourself right now, at least figure out how to like yourself or spend time doing what you like. You don't have to go out to gay bars per se if that's not your scene, but it would be good to reach out somewhere - there, online, a support group - to meet others and see if you can find some people that have things in common. To be honest the majority of my friends are still straight, in part because of where I live and in part because that's just who I've ended up getting along best around here (though I have met a lot of cool friends online over the years that live further away).

And if everyone knows your true identity, just give it a little time for it to become comfortable and realize your identity is the same - the things you've liked, the experiences you've had, none of that's changed. You're still you, and you just need a little time to reconcile that with your sexuality. Most likely though if you bump into someone you know in a gay bar, and no longer are in the closet at all... well most people you see in one will be gay themselves or at least gay-friendly. It's not like you'll be walking into a small town bar in a conservative town (which I unfortunately have been in far more than gay bars lol). But as I said above too, plenty other ways to try meeting people. Larger cities will have even more to offer from sports to choirs, but even me in a small town has been able to come to terms with myself. I wasn't comfortable right away, but I did get there and you will too