now always thinks i am a lier

[Anonymous]

I know this guy, we had an online relationship/friendship, before i went to see him, i made up a story that another guy liked me, the reason i did it was to see if he get jealous, which he did and he told me to get rid of him, he kept asking about the guy online and i went with the story that i made up, when i went to see him, i told him that no such guy ever existed.

Right after i told him, he got mad and our friendship slowly went down the drain, after weeks of him not talking to me online, its only been 2 days since we are back as friends, but as i tell him what i am doing and seeing/friends here, he keeps bringing up the idea of my lie, which is in a way him telling me that i am making up these stories again.

I told him that i would never lie to him again and that was one time only and i know better, but somehow he is using and will use this against me, I think part of it to make me suffer, since he is good at that and playing games, and the other part could be that he does not trust a word i say anymore.

I apologized many times, i am tired of saying that i am sorry or trying to justify that people i am friends with here are real people.

What should i do, when he brings up the past again. Apparently he was hurt by my lie, but that was my mistake, i am sure he lied to me many times but i did not bother to investigate or cared to know.

Please let me know what to do, I do not want to start apologizing and saying that i will never lie to you, this will make him doubt me more thinking i lied again and i feel guilty. Am I right?

[Kiri]

I think that both of your feelings are justifiable and that he might need some more time to realize for himself that you're not lying. Especially since your friendship may be fragile.

[azulai]

You've broken trust and it takes time to rebuild, so be patient if you
think the friendship is worthwhile.

Personally, once someone has broken trust with me, manipulated me,
tried to play my sympathies, or abused my friendship/loyalty, it's
close to impossible to get back to where we once were. So, you may
never regain what you once had.

The fact that you say, he has also manipulated and played mind games, tells
me you BOTH need to grow up. If you want a healthy and mature
relationship/friendship there has to be trust and respect.

At this point, I don't think there is anything else you can do, as you have
apologized, but to let time put distance between the incident and memory.

If he keeps bringing it up, ignore it and don't take the bait to apologize, re-explain or feel guilty. You say you've learned your lesson, so live it and move on.

[jbrowder24]

What makes you think he's lied to you multiple times? Are you wanting to be friends or hoping to rekindle something despite his obvious jealousy issues (if you hadn't even met yet)? You were wrong to lie but his reactions were too much in my opinion, so I would tread carefully in restarting something. And yes trust can take time to rebuild, so if you do want it, try not to take him venting his hurt too personally, but don't let it drag on too long either because if it does, it may be a sign of bigger issues.

[seanhex]

thanks good feedback, he manipulates people, uses them then kicks them to a curve. No one is good for him, he is suspicious of everyone, not just me, I think he is bi-polar. I am so stupid for wanting his friendship back.

He has such a big group of people that keep admiring him, I should be the opposite and stop giving him attention and make myself unavailable, did that in the past and it drew him closer to me, now as soon as i call,email or contact he hides or gives me the attitude that i am like one of his worshipers.

Just sick, sorry that is how I feel. Today i told him i am having lunch with a friend, he skyped me saying just like your lie. It is a long distance friendship not worth worrying about, and big age difference too.

[seanhex]

even today , the 2nd day we skyped, he told me to get rid of this girl that likes me, he even said type what you have to write her and i will fix it up for you before you send it. (this after i saying that I am not interested in getting to know her). Still his feelings of jelousey exists, indifferent of me seeing a guy friend of a girl, not sure why, i can't even log on skype now , i have two lunch meetings with friends coming up and if i say to him i am going to lunch with my friends he will either think i am pulling another lie on him or i am trying to get him jealous. It seems i have to stay off skype. when i go out and have fun he then punishes me by ignoring my emails or txt.

Nice guy, all games, sucks.

[jbrowder24]

I had a friend like that. Took a while to see his true colors... how much he gossiped and such. He was such a great guy that everyone would end up talking with because he was personable... but the few of this that got close enough to see his true colors... well at least one other guy and I both realized his friendship wasn't worth it. Sure the parties etc were fun.... but being around someone like that, that you can't trust, it just can suck the energy out of you. My social life is probably a little less active (not dead, still have friends, just not that group anymore), but the stress is a lot less too!

[seanhex]

yes stress, i like him but when he was ignoring me it was painful, my ego said to have him back just so that things can go back to normal, but now i realize that he is still hurting me and playing games.
Maybe i should have never asked him to come back, even if i did not he would have, I still believe he really likes me, but i some how feel drained and exhausted, even being away from him, i can not be myself thinking what question or game he throws at me next, always glorifying himself and making me look bad.

[azulai]

thanks good feedback, he manipulates people, uses them then kicks them to a curve. No one is good for him, he is suspicious of everyone, not just me, I think he is bi-polar. I am so stupid for wanting his friendship back.

He has such a big group of people that keep admiring him, I should be the opposite and stop giving him attention and make myself unavailable, did that in the past and it drew him closer to me, now as soon as i call,email or contact he hides or gives me the attitude that i am like one of his worshipers.

Just sick, sorry that is how I feel. Today i told him i am having lunch with a friend, he skyped me saying just like your lie. It is a long distance friendship not worth worrying about, and big age difference too.

Hey, Sean.
I really think you need to go with your gut on this one. I think you have good instinct. ^^^^

This guy sounds like a controller/manipulator to me. If you feel comfortable telling, what is the age difference between you two?

yes stress, i like him but when he was ignoring me it was painful, my ego said to have him back just so that things can go back to normal, but now i realize that he is still hurting me and playing games.
Maybe i should have never asked him to come back, even if i did not he would have, I still believe he really likes me, but i some how feel drained and exhausted, even being away from him, i can not be myself thinking what question or game he throws at me next, always glorifying himself and making me look bad.

You need to soul search and be brutally honest with yourself on why YOU keep coming back to this guy and why YOU keep letting him treat you this way. That is the only way you are going to free yourself from his hold on you.

Just because he likes you, it doesn't mean you owe him any thing. I think it's more of an obsession on his part and he's manipulating you to get the response he wants.

Unhealthy, manipulative attention is not worth it. When you get into a healthy, fun relationship you are going to kick yourself for wasting time on this dude. Go out with those people who are your friends and treat you respectfully, and have some fun. There are so many nice SANE guys out there, don't give this guy any more of your time.

[seanhex]

thank you, time to make decisions, i am pretty sure i will get rid of him and block him once again. I know that will devastate him once again, since this will be the second time i would be doing this. But i need to think for me and worry for my own sanity.