One of my biggest dreams just got shattered to pieces. I'm absolutely heartbroken and devastated.
My all time favorite band is Slipknot. I adore them in every possible way, honest. I've been dreaming of seeing them for like 4 years now, but I never thought it would happen because we're such a small country...But then Rammstein came to the Sonisphere festival and I got my hopes up. And,voila, this years Slipknot was coming to Bulgaria on Sonisphere.
I was on top of the world. I had such big plans of how Im gonna be in the very first 'row' in the fan pit and of how Id just headbang till I die and I was just going to get my ticket in a couple of days.
Today the official Slipknot website issued that the band is cancelling their concert here. None of the official guys that invited them here like Balkan Entertainment knows anything or says anything. The whole Sonisphere festival is going to be cancelled now. And no one knows anything about it. They haven't said a word so far.
...I just...I am so sad I don't even know what to say....I feel like a massive chunk of me got ripped away...this is Slipknot's last tour....
I just...
Sorry to hear that. I know just how devastating that can be. No compensation but two weeks ago I saw a drummer perform live. Not that remarkable, but I went to The Marquee Club in London to see him and the rest of the band he was in perform in 1972, which just happened to be the night the singer decided to blow out the gig and do something else instead. The band broke up shortly after that time and the drummer became a lawyer.
I never imagined then that, all these years later, I'd be seeing that drummer performing and playing a couple of songs he would have played that night or that I'd be able to buy him and his wife a drink and have a long chat. I guess that's possible with fewer than fifty people in the audience!
All my big dreams are such that I know they'd take a lot of time to come true and it'd be a lot of work. I thought the same of seeing Slipknot, I never really believed something so good could come true so soon...and then, whoa, they ARE coming...excitement beyond comprehension, I was so absolutely happy, I kept imagining the way Id stand there in the fan pit and just...its like, for once I actually let myself think only positively about this without ever thinking something could go wrong like I always do....
I just..every once in a while something real bad would happen and Id feel absolutely down and all, and my thiughts that there is no point in anything will come back...and Id think about becoming a school shooter and jumping off a rock in Grand Canyon and it would be the only thing that'd seem worthy living for and dying for. And then my friend comes along, my counselor comes along, they say a buncha inspiring words about how you should never give up and in a couple of days Id feel sorta better and would say to myself "Okay, maybe there is point in living, maybe I should go on and work hard for what I want..." which is false and fake hope. And you know, then something good would start happening, Id start believing that this time it might just work out I am so cautious not to make any mistakes, not to get my hopes too high up...and then, boom, everything is shattered to pieces and I go back to the beginning of the cycle. Every single time.
Why should I go on with this? Just once I want to see that something small, so small tthat I really want would come ttrue. JUst once. And then I will believe.
Today I was walking around like a zombie, I slept through most of my classes and retorted to teachers in a mean way and I didnt care about it at all. And people noticed of course, but when they ask whats wrong and I dont want to tell them cause I'd start to cry. And after one try they give up. Some didn't . And I appreciate it, really. BUt most did. Especially the ones I thought would support me the most, they didn't even try.
'He put his life to an end, they might remember him then
He crossed the line and there's no turning back, told the world how he felt with the sound of a gag
There's gotta be more to life than this
There's gotta be more to everything I thought exists'
and I would really really like there to be somebody whom I can ask
'Will you, will you love me, tomorrow...'
cause I feel so lonely. But I cant do anything about it. Like absolutely nothing.
Shattered
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
