Login

06-15-2011, 05:55 AM

I am 17 years old and still in the closet. I have a friend whose the same age who I find extremely attractive. Not only physically attractive but I think about how badly I just want to be with him. I just have no idea if he could be gay or not. I am in the closet so I act straight. Me and him text all the time way more than i text other guy friends. we "pretend" to be gay and act like we used to date and that we broke up and always talk about how were gonna have sex and stuff and we literally do this all the time. Him and I hang out alone together all the time and people always say its like were dating. I feel like i have a connection to him we think so much alike and i just want him so badly. He always like hits me on the arm or pokes me which i do to him to just because I want to touch him so badly. Last night me and him went alone to a park and swung and looked at clouds for a long time its like were dating. I have never felt this way towards anybody before and it will kill me if theres no chance there which I know their may not be. I have had dreams about him and he told me he had a dream about me and him going on vacation just us to and I heard when you dream of somebody it means they are thinking about you so idk. I just want to know if he is gay or not and I can't stand this anymore. Please somebody tell me if it seems like he could be gay or am i just over analyzing everything because I like him so much and want him to be gay? Sorry it was so long

06-15-2011, 06:55 AM

It could just be wishful thinking on your part, believe me its quite common. But you could come out and see how he reacts. You could sit there and actually seriously ask him hey we always talk about this how about we get serious or something like that. Or just stay the way you are now I don't know. thats my advice and not the greatest I'll admit :/

06-15-2011, 06:58 AM

That sounds really gay for me lol
If you want to know then the only way is to tell him. When you are open and honest. People will be open and honest to you also.

06-15-2011, 10:11 AM

Its gotta be scary thinking about what might go wrong if you come out to him and he reacts badly. Some straight guys to "play gay" for fun - it doesn't mean its an indicator that he is gay. It might be an indicator that he is more comfortable with the idea of gays though.

Only you really know what the relationship is like. If you guys have trust and closeness, then coming out to him shouldn't be a big deal. If you come out to him, then you are confiding something very personal in him, and if he is really a friend, he will respect that. If he is gay, thats probably when he will come out to you too (happened to me, but thats another story for another time).

Otherwise, theres probably no other way to really know. Has the guy got/had a girlfriend? Is he into girls? Does he act 'gay'? These are some of the other things that might tip you off...

Sorry I cant be more helpful, but its hard to make calls like this without a better knowledge of the personalities. Good luck!

06-15-2011, 01:44 PM

I met a cute guy at work recently. Everything was going great until he mentioned his girlfriend. FML

lol, but seriously I didn't pick up any vibes from him with my gaydar, so it was more like, enjoy a lunch with a cute guy more than anything

06-15-2011, 02:53 PM

You might be getting a little ahead of yourself there... Take it slow. If he is gay, it will come out eventually.

06-15-2011, 03:32 PM

mile:This is a cool way to find out some more information about your friend.

Make up a name of a fake person that doesn't exist (let's say Kenny) and tell your friend this Kenny guy from school came out to you and told you he was gay for real and that Kenny has a friend he's attracted to but doesn't know how to ask him out. Then see how your friend responds to the fake story. Ask your friend how he feels about Kenny. Is your friend just "okay" with Kenny? Or does he put Kenny down? Or does he ask for more information about Kenny? Does your friend offer "advice" on how Kenny can approach his friend for a date?

If your friend gets all defensive and asks you WHY you are telling him about Kenny then chances are that your friend might be in the closet too or is straight but homophobic. And if he doesn't want to come out yet don't take it personal if he gets defensive. Don't try to push him to come out to you. He might not be ready yet if he's still not accepting of his own feelings yet. People have to come out to themselves first before they can come out to someone else.

How your friend responds to your story about Kenny will tell you a lot about where your friend stands with you.

I hope this helps.

06-15-2011, 07:41 PM

KnightShade's idea sounds cool, realy, but I think it may lead to some unwanted disagreements between you two.

What would happen if he wasn't gay? You gotta be prepared man, okay? :] And he'd still be your best bud.

BUt then, wow, what you two have is so COOL and it pretty much sounds real gay. But you can never be sure, one's mind can run wild and fool him all the time. Why don't you come out to him? Like, tell him you were thinking you might be at least Bi or something. See how he reacts...

So if he is totally okay with it but his actions stay the same, he doesn't back off OR start being more affectionate and stuff, then maybe you should reconsider this whole thing...and you could ether tell him that you like him or just give up. But I'd say that if you get to the point that he is okay with you being gay and his attitude doesn't change a bit, you should just tell him about your feelings and be prepared for him not to share those feelings. I think the most important thing is to stay strong and not ruin your friendship, yet be honest with him. :]