Relationship advice (sex)

[draco]

Hi Guys i need some advice about me and my fiance.

I'm 21 and he's 25 we've been together 18 months now, but our sex life is dwindling.

When we first met I had a very high sex drive and couldnt get enough of him to the point I think i annoyed him at times, but now I dont really get horny for him, I know this sounds shallow but since we have started going out hes put on weight and it turns me off when I can see his belly and I find myself wanting to have sex with him less and less. We talked about it and I said I didnt find him as attractive as I first did when we started going out becuase he had put on weight (he asked the question I didnt just come out and say it).

We wank each other off everynow and again but we've had nothing more than that in ages. I try to snog him everynow and again to spice things up, but he never snogs me randomly unless were wanking each other off. I find myself also watching porn to make the excitment back in my sex life, and I know its awful but sometimes I pretend its another guy wanking me off and not him

I love him deeply, I cant imagine any other guy who could make me as happy as he does, he is everything I could ever want, and I get upset when i think about leaving him, but Im worried that as he isnt doing anything about his weight that I will continue to fancy him less to the point where I stop loving him?

I dont know what to do, please advise
xxxx

[KnightShade]

This touches me deeply.

I suppose the "relationship buster" is different for different people. And I know you must be hurting because he is not everything you hoped for. And before you think about walking out the door, ask yourself some hard questions:

Answer these questions in your heart......

If I leave him will I be able to find love ever again? Am I sure that if I leave that it REALLY is what I want? Can he lose weight if I ask him to? Can I help him lose the weight? Am I willing to give up all that I have for something that may never be? Can I love him just the way he is?

Am I really honest enough to realize that NO ONE stays the same because we all grow old eventually? If I leave him will I regret it all the days of my life? Can I handle being alone for the rest of my life if I can't find another love? How much time have I already invested in this relationship and am I willing to throw all that away because he has a flaw? Do I have any flaws? Will I always look perfect for the rest of my life?

I wish I had all the answers for you, but I don't.....I can't live your life for you. But I have learned the answers to these questions the hard way. I have lost a love just because I could not allow my lover to have one flaw. Now I am paying for it. And I may pay for it for the rest of my life.

Life marches on with or without love. Are you sure you can live without it? Many people can. Some, like me, HAVE TO! And in the end it's all up to you. What will YOU do in the name of love?

Remember the marriage vows? Do you promise to stand by him until death do you part? Forsaking all others?

It's up to you now. I know you know what's right for you. Let your heart decide what's best.

All my best.

Good Luck,mile:

KnightShade

[fenris]

For my opinion sex is not important enough to end a partnership if you really love your partner and I can tell you in advance that the next partnership has another problem... maybe not sex... but maybe a uncaring / not loving partner.

I have had a partner - before I met my man - who was a rocket in the bedroom but a dud shot in every days life ... and thats more problematic then a dud shot in bed and a rocket in every days life... but MY opinion...

[fredv3b]

Did he enjoy sex at the beginning? Why does he seem not to be interested now? Why doesn't he kiss you? Have you actually talked to him about these issues? How does he feel?

[Everhard]

What the hell is snogging? >_>;

[Kronis]

What Im about to say is rather unconventional. You more likely wouldnt think to do it.

So first you talk with him about having sex. Tell him you would like a romantic night to try and start some fire. Get him to agree to just let what happens happen.
Now Heres the wierd thing.
Everyone has a song. Everyone has that song they want to have sex with. Its a song or a movie or SOMETHING that puts this image in their head of their ultimate sex. For instance Me being a rather dark kind of sexuality have always seen things like Space monkey by Placebo or The Undertaker (renholder mix) by Pucifier to be my kind of sex music. It makes me think of that place where my mind goes where I would just lose myself and simply rock someones world.
You should find that thing that effects you that way and use it. Play that special song or wear that special outfit. You might be thinking. "well thats great for ONE TIME" but If you show your man that sex is still interesting he will make more effort for it. He will probly try harder to lose the weight if hes like any other guy. I mean hell If he gets that crazy out of this world sex im talking about and he realizes there would be more If he dropped a few pounds then Beleive me he would work on it. Once you both have that thing again even just one time, It will change alot of negatives about the relationship

[SlipknotRlZZ]

So he doesn't seem to want to change something about himself to work things out with your sexual life? Cause maybe that's the problem...Try talking to him again, hey. Ask him whether he wants you two to have sex and stuff, talk to him about everything. I am sure you can work it out.

[Kiri]

What the hell is snogging? >_>;

Kissing. :tongue:

[Ceruleaan]

For my opinion sex is not important enough to end a partnership

Hmmm.., I'm afraid I disagree on that point. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that its not true for everyone. For some, the sexual side of the relationship is certainly enough to end the relationship if its inadequate.

That been said, I do have some questions, and maybe some practical advice for the poster:
- First of all, do you yourself have the kind of body you like? Do you exercise regularly and eat healthy. If not, maybe you could lead by example.
- It sounds like you're really into this guy, so maybe this presents an opportunity for some healthy lifestyle changes. If you don't already, I suggest you guys start going to the gym together, or begin some kind of exercise regime. This way you can encourage him to e a little healthier, and you can encourage and help him along the way
- Lastly, perhaps you could begin cooking a little more? Keeping control of his diet could really change things for the better, not just in terms of losing unhealthy weight, but also in terms of restoring his libido.

Anyway, hope this helps in some way,
best of luck