Dinner With Ex?

[Beaux]

Hiya Guys!
Ok. I got a call today I really didnt expect. My exlover from almost 11 yrs ago called. We were togeather for right at 5 years and we split with a LOT of hard feelings because he came home with the Clap (he didnt give it to me, I would probably be sitting in prision now if he had). He had cheated (and been caught) a couple of times before and it was the last straw for me; I left him.
He ended up staying with the guy that gave him the veneral disease and their 11th year anniversary would have been July 4th (yes they counted their anniversary from the time they slept with each other - while I was still in the picture).
Well, it turns out that earlier this year the guy had a heart attack and died. My Ex actually said that he called because he needed someone to talk to, but while we spoke he inquired as to wether I was single. He asked me to have dinner with him later this month. I told him that I would have to check my calander (which is true, as I am on the road atm and need to look at my schedural at home before I would be able to confirm anything one way or another).
I feel at a bit of a loss as to wether I should accept his invitation or not. Lots of mixed feelings here.
I was hoping that some of you guys might have some thoughts on the whole thing. I am still sounding it out for myself and any input would be apprectiated.
Thanks in advance,
Beaux

[rakmatis]

Going to lunch doesn't mean you guys are together. Much as he hurt you his partner didrecently die. Im not saying you have to be there for him but maybe he has changed? I would not ever get back with him if I were you though.

[Beaux]

Going to lunch doesn't mean you guys are together. Much as he hurt you his partner didrecently die. Im not saying you have to be there for him but maybe he has changed? I would not ever get back with him if I were you though.

I think the fact that his partner died has a lot to do with my considering having dinner with him. I do think that there is still some kinda closure between us that is lacking. I am considering it.

[rakmatis]

Honestly the fact that his partner died is the only reason I wouldo it myself. While smudge is right that he did some messed up things, maybe you're the only person he is comforts le talking to. Just make sure he knows you aren't going to get with him.

[East]

I think you should go Beaux and get the closure. The nicest thing you can do for yourself is to forgive him and that isn't for him.....it is for you, He doesnt' even need to know about it. Even though the actions are extremely personal..remember what he did had nothing to do with you personally..it was all about who he was or is.


Do you think he is going to try to manipulate you at all? if so...that might change things a bit but still forgive him for your own sake if you haven't already.

[Beaux]

I think you should go Beaux and get the closure. The nicest thing you can do for yourself is to forgive him and that isn't for him.....it is for you, He doesnt' even need to know about it. Even though the actions are extremely personal..remember what he did had nothing to do with you personally..it was all about who he was or is.


Do you think he is going to try to manipulate you at all? if so...that might change things a bit but still forgive him for your own sake if you haven't already.

Honestly? Idk what to expect. I do feel like I am at a point in my own development that I am capable of forgiving him (LONG time in the making, that) and I would like to see him after all these years. Do I still have romantic feelings for him? No, I dont believe that I do, I am not even the same person I was then. Do I think that he has romantic notions of his own? I honestly dont know. When he asked me "So, how are things in the romance department? Are you seeing anyone?" Idk if it was intended as small talk or if he was feeling out the situation. I just dont know.

[azulai]

My first inclination would be to recommend that you go only if you need the closure.

He is probably lonely, grieving and reliving history. Chances are though that you may end up fighting off a clinging vine. The fact that he asked if you are single, is a bit of a red flag to me. Sometimes people are lazy and would rather pick up a loose-end than search for a new one. I would think within a time frame of 11 years, he made other friends, even friends together with his partner, that he could seek more grief-comfort with.

IDK, maybe he's seeing life as finite and wants to apologize? Maybe it's something he needs to do?

If any other idea pops into my head, I'll add it. I've missed seeing you around, Beaux. I hope you are otherwise well.

[Beaux]

My first inclination would be to recommend that you go only if you need the closure.

He is probably lonely, grieving and reliving history. Chances are though that you may end up fighting off a clinging vine. The fact that he asked if you are single, is a bit of a red flag to me. Sometimes people are lazy and would rather pick up a loose-end than search for a new one. I would think within a time frame of 11 years, he made other friends, even friends together with his partner, that he could seek more grief-comfort with.

IDK, maybe he's seeing life as finite and wants to apologize? Maybe it's something he needs to do?

If any other idea pops into my head, I'll add it. I've missed seeing you around, Beaux. I hope you are otherwise well.

Ty Azulai! I havent been around much lately, its true, but I have missed you guys as well.

Tbh, I HAVE kept track of him a little over the years, via mutual friends, but only a very little. Lets call my X "Dan" and his VD Trick/Husband "Joe".
From what I gather "Joe" was something of a handful for "Dan". He suffered from serious addiction problems. "Dan" was always a very career orientated person and it suprised me some of the stories that I heard over the years about problems that they had (drug and alcohol related). I am actually suprised that no one had let me know that "Joe" had died but I stopped asking after "Dan" years ago. Apparently they later moved to a new city to try and put all of this behind them and hadnt really made many friends when "Joe" died. Relationships with older friends, I can only sumize, deteriorated during the drug abuse episodes.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Yeah, absolutely, go see the guy. :} I think he just really needs someone to talk to. Even if he does try to get in your pants, you can gently get out of it. You said yourself that you'd like to see him again. Give him a chance, you never know what could come out of it all. :]]

[worknlife]

Personally if I were to go see him it would be for lunch. It is easier to dismiss someone at lunch and very easy to get caught up with someone at dinner. 9 out of 10 I would probably not go. I only talk to one of my ex’s and sometimes that gets chancy. Their are people that are trained in talking with people that have gone through situations like that. I would tell him to go and talk to one of them.