What did your parents teach you about sex and how did they handle your sexuality?
My parents always taught me that sex was private, but not secret or dirty. They gave me the talk at around 10 or 11 and basically told me how stuff worked. When I was in 8th grade they talked to me about STDs and pregnancy. Their "pet peeves" were sex outside some sort of long term relationship and unprotected sex. They essentially believed that sex was a very dangerous activity and that there was a lot of physical and mental damage waiting for those who had sex too young, with the wrong person, etc. I remember being warned (before they knew that I didn't like women), that if I ever got some girl pregnant I would help raise the child. When they found out that I was gay they were convinced that I'd die of AIDS. They did feel comforted that I was more interested in long term stuff, but they're not huge fans of it still.
They told me about masturbation when I was around 11. They basically said that masturbation is expected at that age, but should be limited to once a day in bed before going to sleep and porn was a NO-NO.
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Jesus, your parents seem a little overbearing.
My parents never said shit all about anything sex related to me growing up. When they found out I was gay, my mother all of a sudden decided to pitch her spiel. Of course, they always think you're going to get AIDS. :p
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Apart from occasional (very occasional) passing references my parents rarely said anything about sex and when they did it was in the kind of context where they seemed to assume I would know what they were talking about.
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My mother never went into any details, partly because she didn't like to talk about sex, and partly because I didn't want to listen to her speech, as I already knew how stuff worked by the age of 13. MY father on the other hand, was even worse about those talks. He has never ever came to me to talk about those stuff. The only talk that was somehow related to that, was that if I were ever to have unprotected sex with a girl, and she was to be pregnant, he would not help me financially, which is very stupid, as he keeps telling me that I am strange for not having a girlfriend. By the way, last school year the teacher who was teaching us a health class, that was suppose to be teach us about drugs, alcohol, sleep problems, and sex, said that all father went to talk with their sons, about wet dreams, and I couldn't help asking myself, does this mean that my father is a bad father or what? Anyway, I went off topic, sorry.
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Never said anything to me, and every time I ask I got told off xx
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Way back when I was a child (pre-school) my dad had prepared himself for the day that I asked the dreaded question: Where did I come from?
And when the day came that I asked the question he sat me down with a book he'd already bought that explained in a way that a child would under stand. He read through the book with me and at the end he was sweating (I never figured out why - probably because it is not a topic he's comfortable with). He then wanted to make sure that I had no unanswered questions and to make sure I understood. He asked me there was anything I wanted to ask. So I asked my question: Can I have an orange, please?
When I was a teenager he told me masturbation was normal, porn was normal (and was okay with my friends bringing soft-porn over) but he did say something that stuck with me a long time. I know it wasn't meant to be damaging, but it was. He told me that fantasising about men was a phase and it passes. It took me 20 years to figure out it wasn't a phase.
My family's lack of openness about sex and sexuality has been very damaging to me. I know it wasn't intentional but I wish they had been more open and honest about things. I only found out last year that I have a second gay uncle (He did the dutiful son thing after being kicked out of his parents house when he was outed. He got married, got divorced, then lived in solitude since before I was born). As for the gay uncle I already knew about - It was never talked about. It was always pushed under the carpet. He didn't have a boyfriend it was always his "friend". There was no openness until his long term "friend" died while I was at university. Then there was a brief period and then it all closed down again.
When I came out just past my 35th birthday my sister scolded me for not speaking to my gay uncle when I was a teenager when I first realised I had these feelings. That made me feel so guilty that I didn't come out to him for a further three months... the one person who knew what I was going through and most able to help me through it.
All for the lack of some openness.
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My parents did really seem all that different about me being gay............but they never really spoke about sex.........
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Scene One:
Sitting in the car, on the way to see a relative.
Mother: You know if you have any questions about anything, you can ask me, right?
Me: Yes.
Silence
Scene Two:
Sitting in the truck, coming back from a Christmas party.
Me: I need to talk to you about something.
Mother: Okay..
Me: I don't like girls.
Seemingly eternal silence.
Mother: I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Are you trying to say you like boys?
Me: Yes.
A slightly less longer silence.
Mother: Well, I don't know what to say. We've never had this problem in our family. We've had problems with people liking blacks, but never this.
More silence.
Mother: Well, you know what the Bible says about it.
Awkward silence for two weeks.
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Parents Views on Sex
