Dating Site Dilemma

[XRIMO]

I've been looking and joining several dating sites hoping that I might find someone to talk to... however I am always way to shy to ever contact anyone and talk to them. I think I am afraid of rejection, but I also know that nothing will happen if I don't at least try.
Anyway, I have read some profiles of guys that I think sound really interesting and stimulating... but I just cannot bring myself to click the 'send message button' and try to think of an introduction... sigh.
Unfortunately, the only guys I seem to attract are 20 years older than me, I've had to reject a few who have sent me messages for sex.
I feel a bit lost in the digital dating world...
any tips or advice?

[Shadow]

I do as a matter of fact, since all the boyfriends I've ever been out with I've met through the internet ...

I would suggest you look to start meeting people online just to chat to - don't think "what if ..." or "I really wish ..." - just see if they'd like to have a natter with you and see how (if at all) things develop from there.

You're a very interesting young man - I've only had occasion to correspond with you on the boards once or twice to date, but your keen interest in the Classics and Greek Mythology has made my little ears prick up ... so I wouldn't mind nattering with you just as a mate - perhaps I could buck up your confidence a bit - you never know !!

I think it's just one of those things that you'll get more blasé about the more you do it ... when you don't feel there's anything major riding on the outcome ? Then you'll become more relaxed and that will, in turn, enable you to give off more of a "come talk to me" kinda vibe than a "please come talk to me" kinda vibe ... mile:.

If you want to talk to me, just add me to your MSN list - [email protected].

There you go - wasn't hard was it :biggrin:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

xx

[GayComputerDude]

I'll definitely agree on Shadow's "blase" comment - the more you do it - the easier - and the less you'll worry about being rejected because you'll start to realize if you're being rejected, something probably wasn't right about it to begin with.

Now curious .. it's in a way no different than meeting someone anywhere else ....

and I suppose many of us prefer the online thing because it's easier - you're in your comfort zone at home instead of out there

so my question is how many of you have only had relationships with someone online as opposed to meeting them in person?

all of mine have been from meeting in person

[Shadow]

... whereas ALL mine have come through meeting first online, then in person.

mile:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[GayComputerDude]

hahahah

point taken Shadow!

hahahaha

I don't really think it matters where you meet "first"

but not so thrilled with these "pay to date" online sites

it's all you see in the US

[spotysocks]

Hey Xrimo

I am no good with the internet thing myself. I dont like it but as others said here is easy and quick. When you are not shy as myself that is.

Contacting people on the internet and keep them interested in you for the good reasons or the reasons you want is a skill. I find there is some sort of code and most people apply it according how it suits them. You ll get the ones who play it funny, intelligent, ever so kind, moody or a combination with an extra attitude which doesnt always reflects reality- it can be their alter ego not them. Said that ... its not nice to put people in categories wherever you meet them from and not everyone is like that and i believe gayspeak makes a difference in that.

what tips i can give ... from my own experience i d say when you message people say something casual but not impersonal. Start from a 'hello' then you say in a few words what you liked from their profile; keep it on them dont mention on the first message something similar that happened to you ect. Or you can choose being reasonably random but pleasant. Let people talk. Keep it simple and moderately think before you write so it give a relaxed vibe. After you break the ice talk as you talk to a friend , have a laugh and if you guys start flirting be yourself and go with it dont be embarrassed. In that case remember its not committing any of you to anything unless you want to.

Being rejected is barely pleasant however dont think about it too much. Keep in mind that everyone will be rejected by someone at some point. Is not always a bad thing, everyone has a type, both in appearance and personality and rejection can also prevent you from things or situations you didnt know and you didnt want at the first place.
When you cant see it that way at least try to learn from it. Doing something is a progress already from not taking an action at all .

Never doubt yourself , you are worthy of knowing and if someone doesnt see it that way its literally their problem.

[GayComputerDude]

I agree pretty much with everything you say spotysocks

but ... it's not really all so different than meeting someone in person

a bar or club can be much scarier because you have nowhere to hide

[spotysocks]

I agree pretty much with everything you say spotysocks

but ... it's not really all so different than meeting someone in person

a bar or club can be much scarier because you have nowhere to hide

Thanks dude. Indeed internet dating is a mirror or an 'extension' and complementary to the face to face dating. The difference imo is in the first hour with a bit of intuition you can figure out what the other person is likely to be like which at least saves time . However just to say.. when i said i dont like the internet dating didnt mean i am adverse to it. If nothing else through internet one can meet and talk to people that wouldnt have the chance otherwise.

[Shadow]

GayComputerDude, I'm a bit puzzled by the term "pay to date" sites, as I've never come across any of those (at least I don't think I have), so I was wondering if you could explain what one is for me please ...

Are they sites where you have to pay to become a member, and the database or interface guarantees to match you up with somebody ?

Or are they broader - à la gaydar et al, where you can either join as a free member, or you can pay and get a better grade of account to work with ...

... or am I totally missing the point of what they are ?? :redface:.

Cheers mile:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[lynx]

I really don't know any exact advices 100% helping in such situations. I will just try to describe my almost seven years experience of using date sites.
First of all, such sites is a general way to find somebody for any relationships as in the city are only three gay-clubs and I do not like no one of them - guys there are too sluttish and best I have heard from them - "I like your ass! would you?.." So, I began trying to find somebody reading heaps of profiles. I liked only few of them but they have had no answered to my messages. I tried to make some off-line datings but guys I met were out of my taste. Sometimes I was ))
So, making long story shorter, I realized that my profile was not informative enough - I posted a lot of photos there, made a blog, posted mini-storyes and even poems there )) And this went off!!! some guys, just few guys from hundreds visited my profile, started to leave really messages for me. I started meeting with them...
The other thing was mentioned before: guys much older than you... Yes, of course I have had a lot of such persons, but I have just realized softly to them that I do not like such age-difference and they alwas accepted... it is not prob.
For me personnaly it was much harder to make an appointment than make an on-site dating)))