Rape, Molestation fantasies

[East]

Language, East!!!! I think it would be best for all that you two patch it up... You're NOT disagreeing.

I edited my post PA...thanks for calling me on it.

[princealbertofb]

Trust me. Your views on that subject are considerably different when it happens to your own child and I did not blame the original poster for what my child went through I just felt it was incredibly immature and irresponsible thing to fantasize about. And perhaps you can explain to my child that it's okay to have these fantasies and tell him how he can have his childhood back....

In Dreamer's case, he would be the victim of, not the perpetrator of the rape. I think we all understand who would be 'hurt'.

I too thought it was an immature thing to fantasize about, except that I didn't end up saying it, because something held me back. I realise that a fantasy is akin to a dream and may never come true, also that the fantasy may be (as in dreams) the expression of something else, something hidden.

East is right in saying that rape is about control and power, not really about sex. Here the fantasy might be interpreted as one containing a 'sick' sexual pleasuring content. But something is at work, down deep inside our minds. What we may perceive as not healthy in terms of reality can be conjured up in the mind as a scenario (worst case, or best case) and it doesn't mean it'll happen.

Similarly, I've also heard (or read) that it is not uncommon for straight men to have gay sex fantasies, but until these fantasies become implemented in reality, there's no reason to believe that these men are actually gay. They are probably only sampling some options in their minds. If they ever act upon their fantasies, then their orientation becomes much more plausibly a personal trait.

On a lighter note, I fantasize about becoming really rich some day (not), but I know it won't happen in my lifetime.

[East]

Similarly, I've also heard (or read) that it is not uncommon for straight men to have gay sex fantasies, but until these fantasies become implemented in reality, there's no reason to believe that these men are actually gay. They are probably only sampling some options in their minds. If they ever act upon their fantasies, then their orientation becomes much more plausibly a personal trait.

This is a perfect example of why other people's fantasies should not be subject to shame...if these men who had these fantasies maybe had the fortitude to understand them and not worry about being shamed because of them there would be alot less dead gay men...alot less fag bashing...alot less homophobia.

I just thought about something...I am not really sure how much anyone understands what a destructive force shame can be...you don't hear many people talking about it anymore. One of the best things I ever did for myself was to commit to John Bradshaws course on Healing the Shame that Binds You...he had a series on PBS and had workshops/books/tapes...brilliant man...if anyone ever wants to understand the damage shame can do or has a difficult situation...I got real permanent life changing results from this guy...many years ago. I integrated it so long ago that I almost forgot about it. I would recommend this to richard, his son and anyone else who might need help overcoming a difficult situation.

http://www.johnbradshaw.com/healingthesh...cture.aspx

[OrphanPip]

my 20 year old son was raped and molested as a 6 year old boy. How the hell can you even think of fantasing about this? My son still suffers from those scars. It hurts him so much to even talk about it. He has difficulty trusting any man. The only man he fully trusts is me, his dad. Trust me. Being molested IS the worst thing to ever happen to you. Shame on you, man for even thinking that somehow this is appealing and a turn on. You need to educate yourself and grow the hell up.

To be fair to the OP, they seem to be using molested in its generic sense of being fondled without consent, rather than in the connotation of child molestation.

I.e. them having a fantasy of them as an adult being molested by another adult has absolutely nothing to do with children.

[richardwrites]

simple as that, right? you aren't a dad. it's crystal clear that you aren't a dad. A dad's whole world is his child and matthew is my ENTIRE world. I have never loved anyone else as much as I love my child. He's my child. He is all I care about. and you are not a dad because you continue to argue about how the OP's first message is somehow ok and that it actually somehow equals the being raped fantasy. Really? you honestly think a child being molested unwillingly is healthy fantasy?

you are not a dad. A dad would protect his child at all costs. a dad would protect ANY child at all costs. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at the OP's utterly sick fantasy. But what I am angry at you is how you defend him. You think women's rights group support the rape fantasy which has often led to reality for some men. Some men fantasize about raping a woman so much the make it a reality and then a woman out there is scarred for life.


Matthew will never have a normal childhood. his childhood is gone. he's 20 years old now. he's never gonna know the freedom and security of playing with his friends at the park. He's never gonna know the blessing of asking his junior high crush to the first dance of the seventh grade.

He's never gonna know the security of sleeping safely at night at age 16.

Through intense therapy Matthew will hopefully one day be a normal, healthy adult but right now he's fractured. He does not know life without heartbreak and pain. He knows I unconditionally love him but he doesn't feel it. Being molested took that away.

I can hug him, tell him I love him, show him I love him but a wall still exists between him and me and its a wall of self-preservation.

And that's what I deal with everyday with my child.

[ZackT]

Did you ever think that maybe you're overreacting to this post? It's pretty personal for you, given what your son has gone through. This whole post was never directed in any way towards your son, or any other rape victims. It was not meant to condone actual rape, child molestation, or anything else traumatizing of that nature.

But that's how you've vilified it in your mind. You see the OP as being some kind of degenerate pervert for having a fantasy like that, and you ended up using it as fuel to fire off an anti-gay post in a gay forum.

You judge him because he has a fantasy of being dominated, you judge the lifestyle, stereotyping a gay man or woman in to never having children. You want empathy for your son's horrible experience, you want them to feel shame for even approving of the fantasy (or having it in the first place), but you present yourself so forcefully and aggressively that you end up blindly attacking us with all the tact of a zealot.

It's a lot harder to feel empathy for someone when they demand it through insults.

And I thought you weren't going to reply anymore? We're all a bunch of self-centered childless guys with sad and empty meaningless lives right? Why should you have to prove anything to us?

[princealbertofb]

In the words of the Original Poster.... he acknoledges that it a weird fantasy. I think even he realises that it's not completely inoccuous and a serious taboo, something that shouldnt be transgressed.

[East]

Richard...i wish you had kept your word about not responding because I cut my actual response short in the spirit that it was going to end there and because someone that I respect alot asked me to back off....I am having to maintain an enormous amount of self control here....

You are dead wrong in your assessment of me personally and gay men in general. I will end it there. I could say something really cruel to you right now concerning fatherhood and a few other things but I am not going to sink to the level that you did. I will not respond again because I know I will not be able to maintain civility if I do. Good luck to you and your son.

Oh yeah...I am not going to let you get away with this one...

Really? you honestly think a child being molested unwillingly is healthy fantasy?

I NEVER SAID THAT OR IMPLIED IT...This is an adult talking about an adult fantasy of being dominated...you made that jump yourself...DO NOT put words in my mouth and then ask me to defend a position I never took.

[richardwrites]

clearly I meant to write UNHEALTHY idiot or are you actually that stupid????

[richardwrites]

your an idiot and there's no point in talking to you. You are not a dad. Nor will you ever be. listen I can go on for the rest of my life arguing this with you because that is how passionate I am about PROTECTING my child. You wanna keep dancing, I got all the time in the world. My dance card is empty buddy.. I am ready to keep going. and I change my opinion. you are just as messed up as the original poster