I know I'm dumb and silly, but...

[redips]

Okay. I know this is going to sound very dumb, silly, and naive. But I can't get this off my mind. So here's my story:

A few days ago I travelled out of town. I felt somewhat lonely, being in a new city all by myself with nothing to do at night, so I "hooked up" with a guy. I don't do this very often (really), because for me, physical sex without any emotional connection doesn't satisfy me very much.

So that night, he came over. We chatted for a while, and then eventually did what we planned on doing. I'll spare you the details; let's just say that it was the best sex that I've ever had. But much more than that, I felt an irresistible chemistry with him, which I rarely find. I cannot make out with someone unless I feel a strong chemistry with that person; and with him, I found that, and more.

We made out passionately, more so than I have done even with my ex-boyfriends. We made out before, and after... We lied in bed and kissed afterward, very affectionately, exchanged sweet compliments; and I just felt like holding him and not letting him go.

Alas, he had to go that night since he had to work very early the next day. But I do believe that both of us wanted all that affection and passionate making out to continue. Before he left, he offered me his phone number, and I gave him mine. We promised to talk again.

Okay, sure, you guessed it. I'm feeling attached to him, and I don't know what to do. I know this is silly and stupid, because I barely know anything about him. But at the same time, I feel such a strong chemistry with him, and I feel like I have this strong gut feeling about who he is.

So, please, everyone, tell me.

Should I call him?

Should I send him an email casually asking him how he's doing?

Is it really that stupid and unreasonable to even imagine dating someone who you've casually hooked up with?

I'm afraid I know the right answer to all of these questions. But someone, please, tell me what you think, even if it is to say I'm stupid, ignorant, and foolish.

Alas, feelings of love and affection are irresistible and irrational. What can I do?

[fjp999]

Why do you think he gave you his phone number?

He wants you to call. Maybe he fell for you too. It isnt out of the realm of possibility.

good luck,
frank

[Dan1089]

Ja,I second that.If he didn't like you,surely he wouldn't have given you his number!Just pick up the phone & call him.Even if maybe he turns out to be a jerk,you would have tried and you wouldn't be thinking "what if?".Best of luck matey.

[Shadow]

I agree, but I'd urge caution on just how forthright you are about wanting to see him again ... don't lie or deny yourself the way you feel, but don't open up to him like a tidal wave of pent-up emotion as that will simply drown him and sweep him away ...

... I quite like that analogy actually mile:.

Instead, make contact - call him up (as the boys have already said, he did give you his number, and we have to assume it was for a reason), and suggest you hook up again - whether it's for more of the same or just for a chat, that's not really so important ... what IS important for YOU is that you gauge the lie of the land on this one, and you're not going to be able to do that without getting in touch with this guy again.

If it turns out that he wants to move forward into something more structured and/or formally recognisable, then fair play !! If not, then cut loose and move on ... keep this simple and you will reduce the risk of your getting hurt ...

... but the surest way I can see for you TO get hurt is to put TOO much pressure on him TOO soon ...

Take your time, but yes - get back in touch .

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[spotysocks]

Yeah, i agree with shadow.

Take this caution and call him, call him! If he doesnt call first i mean

Another thing you should think about is how the distance (geographical) can affect any kind of relationship you ll establish. For the time being enjoy the fact you found someone to feel so strong about and go with the flow. Good luck!

[cleopatrajason]

omg! get in there if you feel that strongly, you will only regret it if you let him go. tell him your intersted and that you like him and see what happens. i met my current bf through casual sex, we didnt expect to be togetther for six months and still going strong! we swapped numbers and he called me the next day. we are still very much in love and the sex.........simply devine! lol.

[redips]

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts! I really had never expected that anyone would be supportive of my feelings. When I posted, I had totally expected everyone to shoot me down, tell me to give it up, and forget about him in time; and I was prepared to do so. I just wanted confirmation from others that I'm being silly and those feelings would eventually fade away.

But all of your supportive comments have turned me around. I think I'll get in touch with him after all, even if he doesn't.

Of course, as spotysocks pointed out, the two-body problem really complicates things. We are now literally on opposite sides of the continent, five hours away by plane. So I can't exactly call him out for a coffee or a drink. But let me tell you this: my feelings for him are strong enough that if he were local, I would never imagine giving him up; I would've already called him.

So now I'm still as confused as ever. I don't know what I want to come out of all this. After all, I ain't gonna quit my job and move over there (yes, that really would be silly). But what I do want? Do I want to get to know him better by talking to him over the phone? See each other every few months? I really don't know. The only thing I know is that I really can't get him off my mind right now.

Geez, I feel like a high school girl in a sitcom TV show... lame.

[spotysocks]

So now I'm still as confused as ever. I don't know what I want to come out of all this. After all, I ain't gonna quit my job and move over there (yes, that really would be silly). But what I do want? Do I want to get to know him better by talking to him over the phone? See each other every few months? I really don't know. The only thing I know is that I really can't get him off my mind right now.

Geez, I feel like a high school girl in a sitcom TV show... lame.

There is nothing wrong with that!

Here is what i think you can make of this situation.
Given the distance i am not sure how keen both of you are to keep a long distance relationship. It cant be a relationship where people see each other whenever they want and perhaps you will chose to meet other people in the between.
A relationship where you are exclusively date each other over the distance and get tired at some point.
Friendship with a twist and pressure away i think will work better. Talking on the phone in the internet like two people who had a night and want to keep in touch and get to know each other sounds good. Then visiting each other when is possible could work. Actually this is the kind of relationship i ve got with my very close friends who live abroad but without being intimate, there are times i miss them so much so it's not going to be all easy.

The way i see it take one step at a time. First the phone calls then the traveling and see how far it can go.

[Michael]

yikes!

Ok, all sounded good until we learned that "out of town" meant all the way across the country. Nor have added exaclty how old you are...not really important but maybe enough for us to think long term.

Anyway.... what I would do is still call. No pressure, just let him know you got home all right, had a great time together and was thinking about him. Do some chitt chatting and let him know if he is ever in the area (or maybe wants a quick vacation) that he should think of you.

See what vibe you get from the call and how you feel about things after that. Like you said, you have no intention of moving at the momment, but stranger things have happend. I never thought that within a 6 week period my life would have been stood on it's head and I'd spend the next 20 years in Germany..... but I did and we're still going strong.

Nothing sacred (or not) about meeting someone for a one nighter. I've met couples who met in saunas, in clubs, as call boys..... When love hits it doesn't matter where you were or how, only that you met.

This might be nothing....it might be something....but you'll never know until you investigate further.

I'm crossing my fingers for you!

[Shadow]

Exactly ... all I can add is that it actually does seem to add weight to his wanting to keep in touch with you - he obviously knew he was going to be leaving and going a LONG way away in a short space of time, so if he didn't want to get in touch with you again, all he would have had to have done would have been to have left, knowing he may well not see you again.

To me, his gesture now reads as though it really did mean something to him (although I for one would not be happy saying whether it was purely a physical thing, or a combination of that and something more heart-oriented) ...

... so yeah - I'm sticking with the guys and my original thoughts - call him !! It might not be that you get to see each other in the next week or what have you, but it definitely sounds like he would like to stay in touch, so use that as your starting point, and see how feasible it is to work from there ...

Keep us posted !!

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!