get to boyfrind

[joseph]

hello. ican you help me.if you have a frind and yyou wont to make them your boyfrind how do you.i have a frind i see him at the disco an taht . aswel i been to a party were him is. i said to him do you wont to come to my house him said yes.but i was cscarred to ask abot boyfrindl.im his frind.how can i maek it to boyfrind im scarred beacase it embersing and see him at the disco a that if him says no. thank you

[joseph]

dose it make sense

[princealbertofb]

Yes it makes sense.
Hello, Joseph, I don't know if we can help but we can try.
The question is how can you make a friend turn into a boyfriend?
We are talking about a friend that you see at the disco and sometimes at parties.
You asked him to come to your house and he accepted, which was a good start. But you were scared about asking him to be your boyfriend, is that it?
It is difficult and awkward to ask people things like that straight away, especially if you don't know what their sexual orientation is and if you don't know them very well. It is embarrassing and sometimes frustrating too. What you already know for sure is that this man is not your boyfriend, so if he refuses to be your boyfriend it shouldn't matter because nothing has changed in the situation. Before you ask, he isn't your boyfriend, after you ask he isn't your boyfriend either.

So why is it scary to ask? I think it is scary to ask because you and this man have a good feeling at the moment, as friends and you would like to keep it that way. You would like to keep him as a friend, at least.

Are you afraid, Joseph, that if he discovers you have love feelings for him, he will be scared and run away? Are you afraid that he won't like it and will stop being your friend?

Maybe you could ask him if he likes girl? Then if he likes boys and girls?
Maybe you can explain that all sorts of people love different people. There are those who prefer girls, those who prefer boys and those who can't choose. See how he reacts when you have said this general idea. For the moment you haven't told him anything personal about you.

If his answers make you feel safe, you can tell him that you prefer boys for a romantic relationship, generally, and that you are looking for somebody special. That way you have said who you prefer but are not forcing him to prefer boys.

If he prefers boys too, then it might be easier to ask him to be your boyfriend. If he prefers girls, it's no good asking. However, it is not because someone is gay that they necessarily want to be your boyfriend. I have many gay friends but I've never wanted them to be more than just friends. I hope you understand what I'm suggesting, Joseph.

Remember that if your friend refuses to be your boyfriend (if you get to ask him), it doesn't mean he can't remain your friend. You can ask him if you can still be just friends.

Take good care of yourself and of your friend.

[azulai]

Hi, Joseph. I think it is important to take things slow. Do you know if he is gay or not? I think that should be your first step so that you don't get your hopes up too much in case he is not gay.

Maybe if you are watching a TV show or something together you could say you think a certain guy is cute, and see what your friend's response is?

Good luck! mile:

[princealbertofb]

That's a useful hint, Azulai, at least it's quite discreet.

[BYoNexus]

Good advice above Id add some advice of my own, but Ive got no real experience witht hese things (yet)

[joseph]

iif i found out do i say .do you wont to be my boyfrind. or just go an kiss him.or diffrint

[princealbertofb]

Before you ask him to be your boyfriend or before you kiss him, you make quite sure that he is comfortable with you. Maybe, if you see he's not against the idea of gay love, you could start by just holding his hand? If he started to kiss you, wouldn't you be surprised?

[azulai]

I wouldn't rush kisses! :biggrin:
If you find out he is gay, still take things slow. Romance him.
Ask him to go for a walk, point out things along the way that you like.
Maybe gently bump shoulders, laugh. Get an ice cream and talk. Get to know him.
Give him a chance to flirt with you, too.
First move, like Prince said, hold hands. (ETA: see PA's post below)
Don't rush what could be some special moments.

[princealbertofb]

Thanks, Jake, for complementing my suggestions with the useful ones you made....

Note to Joseph, (and anyone for whom dating is a new experience):

Taking things slowly is something you can also do with a friend, a simple friend: buy him a gift, get an ice cream together, share a film at the cinema or a simple walk in the park, write him a special card (it's not very different of what you have done for Marshlander and me or for Frank)...

All those are good suggestions. When the time is right, you will find you can hold his hand, you can do this privately first, or if you are both happy with it, in public.

Remember that in public, you may get some strange looks or some nasty comments, so privately is probably better for holding hands and kissing. I think hugging, for not too long, is acceptable in public, and hugging for long times is great in private. mile:

Oh, I hope this works out for you, Joseph. Let us know if you found these suggestions useful.