This might sound stupid but you could try talking to him. He's the one with AIDS. I'm sure he will understand your concerns. You could just spend some time getting to know him. Many of your concerns may well be answered without you even having to ask akward questions. Good luck.
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Well we have talked alot about it, and I'm quite knowledgeable about the matter, I have done my research.
We haven't been sexually intimate yet, and I know if we are safe the chances of contracting anything is next to zero, but still its that its "not zero" that is scaring me, I told him this fact the other day , and now he became very distant and unsure about me, I know he is also afraid because he has been rejected countless times before and doesn't want to get hurt again.
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I've been in the same situation. Honestly, I wouldn't do it. I know that sounds unfair, but to do otherwise wouldn't be fair to you either.
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I probably would have agreed with jeffrey not that long ago, perhaps not publicly but I would have. I think a large part of it had to do with seeing an HIV positive uncle lose his partner in the 90s, and though my uncle has lived a long time with HIV, I know it's been rough at times. However, there are more and more announcements all the time on the positive side of things, and I've realized that a part of me was letting my fear guide me into ignorance. It's true that there could be some small risk, but you say you've done your research on how you can cut that down a great deal, and it's easier than ever to live a normal life with the advances that have been made.
What would be worse to you - contracting HIV, or never getting to see where this goes in person? Depending on your feelings for him, the potential you think might be there... perhaps you should let that be your guide. At the very least, you should be honest about your uncertainty but say you want to be friends - but follow-through. Hang out and make it an easy-going time.
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It matters whether or not he is on anti-retroviral therapy, this will decrease your risk. It also matters whether or not you bottom, which presents slightly greater risk.
I can't speak from personal experience, but what I would recommend if you choose to begin an intimate relationship: get tested twice a year, always use condoms, remember that oral and rimming present risks, and maybe consider whether or not you are willing to have a sexual relationship with someone that doesn't involve anal.
Personally, I'm not a very big person and would side with Jeffrey if it was my life.
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