What is wrong with being a kid?

[geno]

When I was a small kid, I dreamt of being an adult. Now I am 16, just a few stops behind being an adult, but I still look at me as if I am a kid. But there is a huge problem that kills me slowly. The problem is that almost all of my classmates and peers keep drinking, smoking cigarettes, and many people who I thought of as good students, turned out to smoke weed. And you would say “Well they are 16, they can do almost whatever they want”. But they have been doing it for the past 2-3 years, and I don’t think that this is what kids/young teens are supposed to be doing. On the exactly opposite side, I don’t do any of these (I actually once tried drinking beer, but I got drunk on the first glass and I haven’t tried drinking ever since). I have dreamed of having friends who don’t smoke, and who I can call at 9 p.m. and they would not be in a pub, drunk. I feel somewhat strange and absolute here. I know many of you would defend those kids/teens, but how would you feel if you had a child and it was to come home drunk at age like 13 or 14?

(Also you know how kids change between the ages of 14 and 16-17?) There is this boy that I met 2 years ago and I just love (but I haven’t told him), to me he was like mine smaller brother who you adore. But if you look at him now, he is much more like a 25 year old man, but just smaller. The funky smile and joy is gone and now he goes to some stupid clubs, smokes weed, and gets drunk occasionally. I thought that I would never change like him and be one and the same kid who loves spending his summer vacations in the mountains with his family or in some small village with his grandparents. But I was just writing to a guy on one chat site, and in the background I was playing an old episode of Top Gear (Series 15, episode 6 (the one with the classic British cars)) and I realized that almost exactly an year ago, the episode was brand new and I just kept watching it over and over again. And I realized that for that year I have gone from being a kid to meeting guys online and exchanging 18+ photos, and that just makes me VERY, VERY sad.

Can you help me get over those 2 problems, which are ruining my summer and are really a huge burden for me?

[OrphanPip]

You don't have to drink and smoke weed to be an adult. I drink rarely and I never smoke weed. However, I'll admit people like me aren't in the majority, but we aren't that rare either.

Of course, we all have to grow up, but being an adult doesn't mean you have to do certain things, it just means you've got to own the responsibility for what you do.

[Ceruleaan]

I'm sorry to hear you're in a rough spot.

I understand what you're saying about these kids being too young for the stuff they are getting into, but unfortunately today's world is one where you can do almost whatever you want; even if you shouldn't be. That being said I'm glad to here you're mature enough to know that their lifestyle choices aren't ones that you have to follow.

However, just because what they choose to do for fun does not interest you does not mean you should judge them. I have several friends who smoke, drink and smoke other things as well; at the same time they have balanced lives in that they don't let these activities define who they are. In a way you are defining yourself through your friends/acquaintances activities as defining what you are not.

Anyway, to get a bit more pragmatic, and hopefully help with your problem I would advise the following:

1) why don't you try leading by example. why not organize a trip to bring your friends on (ie. camping/bowling whatever you can find common ground with). Perhaps they simply need another outlet to have fun.

2) if you can't get through to them and genuinely don't enjoy chilling with them anymore because of what they choose to do for fun, then the harsh truth is you have grown apart and need to move on. That isn't to say you have to cut them out of your life, just don't be afraid to join new clubs or take up some new hobbies in order to make some new more like-minded friends.

Hope this helps a little,
Ceru
HUGZz

[jbrowder24]

We all grow up at our own pace. I was a late bloomer in many ways, and it was not until college that I tried a lot of things (not all by choice, I wasn't very popular in my high school and lived in a rural area). There is definitely something about growing up that can be saddening as it happens though, realizing the innocence is gone and wondering if you've made the right choices. With time, that confusion goes away, but the nostalgia never does. I mean, I still am a kid at times - I watched episodes of Young Justice and iCarly today - but only in heart.

I do think some youth do things way too early, and it seems to increasingly be the case. But we can't control the paths people choose to take. And I know I disappointed some friends with the decisions I made in college... but they were my choices to make. The truth is, in college, I hung out with all sorts of different people - I drank with a group of cheerleaders, smoked with a group of soccer players, had innocent game nights with a group of Christians. But the people that remained my friends were the ones that were true friends, regardless of any group, that didn't judge. Some did stuff (though perhaps now as we've grown further); some remained more on the innocent side; but they were friendships based on real connections - not based on being in a group.

I personally feel things were better in college than they were in high school though. I think in high school so many people are trying to fit in, you don't get to know the "real" person sometimes - and if you do, then consider yourself lucky to have a friend like that. After all that, people don't try so hard, and it's easier to meet people who don't go out and do things just because it's "popular."

I really have no idea if I'm helping or not, but I do remember having similar feelings. I wish I could tell you I had something that helped me get over those feelings, but looking back, I think the real answer was time. Just know you're not alone, and whatever age you are, it's okay to not smoke or drink; it's okay to watch cartoons; etc. But it's okay to grow up too because you aren't really losing anything ... because what you gain more than makes up for it.

[Lonely]

i didnt read the previous comments so i will just say what i think...
being an adult is not about smoking and drinking... there is alot more to that...
every stage of ur life has its own charm... being a kid was fun... spending time with ur family
like u said for example...

but being an adult is not that bad either... u just dont see it the good way...
u can enjoy being an adult in many ways...
u just take ur time adapting to those changes... sit back and enjoy

[geno]

I just wanted to thank all of you for the support and understanding! I know it is normal for teens to change during those ages, but this change scares me and makes me very sad. I know that this is a very short message, but I am sort of speechless and I don't have anything more to say, sorry.

[matty7]

i think i have more respect for a teenager who doesn't follow the crowd and hasn't given in to peer presure so bravo to you - if they want to drink and smoke that is the path that they have chosen - it is their choice even though you can see them change before your own eyes, you can ecourage them to change if you want but it dont loose your friends over it -you dont have to do those things too - dont let others habbits ruin your summer mate, if you indulge your hobbies and passions they will leed you to other freinds with a similar out look to drink and smoking too i hope - good luck

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Geno...like I've said so many times before, why do you even care? It's true, they drink and smoke, but they are decent people (somone before me said it too, I think)! It's their way of letting it all out, you know...If you find something that YOU do immoral or below your level, then stop doing it. It's that simple, although not that easy.
Have I ever told you about this, when I wanted to try weed? I was resolute that I was gonan try it, just for the sake of trying, but when I contacted a friend of mine who could supply me with weed, I suddenly felt really...like, dirty and low, you know? Weed is for losers, for people who are trying to escape from their problems.

It's all up to you.

~Ry

[Gpbi]

I was somehow in your own situation when i was 14 i took the discision to quit from all my friend for one whole year, i didnt went out, didnt drink smoke or whatsoever... Some of my frieds realize that it was stupid to leave me for that so they stick on me even more and i met some amazing people who was out of all this and now im really glad that i have such a good friends.

I dont really give you this advise cause its really hard but my point is that you should try tou find better friends or try to explain to your friends what it really makes you feel bad about being on a pub so they may understand you and start having more fun

[silverlight2xx6]

The issue which u mentioned is the common one for all of us ^^ Let's me share some of my view with you ^^. First of all, being mature, growing older is always the desire of every children. Why? Because it will give them the chance to stay up late for watching their favorite movies instead of going to bed at 9pm. It's a chance for experience something new without hearing our parents saying that "you r too young for do that blah blah wait for several yrs blah blah " etc those things make a child's curiousity grow bigger and bigger day by day and there r no strange when we all want grow up faster ^^.
However, they r not the only meaning for growing up. Growing up means that u being mature inside out, both your mind and your body. Growing up means u hv more things to concern about yourself and everyone else, being responsible. ^^ You can get the freedom to do everything but there r responsibilities tagged along too ^^ Some people try to do some awful things such as going nightclubs so frequently, smoking like crazy or drinking alcohol or beer etc to show that they r mature, they r "cool". But in my oppinions, those things show no meaning but make u become ridiculous >"<

With me and some of my friends, being an adult means take responsible to yourself and your actions. ^^ But in this busy and stressful life, I sometimes want to become a kid, doing some childish things such as licking my favourite icecream, build a tent with my thick blanket etc to laugh at myself and refresh my mind ^^.

I think I'm in the grey line btw being an adult and a child ^^ That's great unless u know the approriate time to choose the right character. ^^

Hope u hv a good time ^^mile: