New Guy, Just kind of depressed...

[jbrowder24]

You play it as a joke, you play it for real. You really need to just take a leap.

But if you first need to prepare yourself for rejection, as you might "lose it", what can we do to help there? I'd start by saying it's not all about 'us.' Yes, love can make us feel as we've never felt before, and after a break-up we feel it might never come again. But it can, and it does. More than that though, how selfish of us to want love, when there is so much love to give. Go volunteer and add some meaning to your life. Become a big brother or read to kids, or help out in a nursing home.

Should the worse come to happen, and I hope it doesn't, just allow yourself to feel. It's okay to spend a week bawling in bed. Sometimes we need that. But we pick ourselves up and we keep trying. What if you think he's your love, but your true love is really out there waiting? You'll never know if you don't keep on trying. I'm not going to lie: It does hurt. But it also heals, and makes us stronger.

Take a chance, then be strong no matter the answer.

[angus18]

Hi there, I feel that I have a REALLY similar situation to you. Because of some recent events, I'm totally confused and feeling absolutely low at the moment and don't really know where to turn.

If you'd like to talk about it sometime I think that would be great. I'd like to share my story with you if you'd like to hear me out. I wasn't able to contact you privately though because of the post count required for instant messaging. If you'd like to chat though, maybe email would be good. Let me know and take care
-Angus

[marshlander]

When I first came out I met a man and felt similarly to the way you are describing.

I was totally obsessed and it scared the hell out of him ... me too, come to that.

First loves are brilliant, but obsession can take over one's life. I'm sure you must have something else going on in your life at the moment? Could you divert yourself away from the more obsessive part of your personality? If you can't achieve this t'll end in tears, and perhaps much sooner than you would like.

Best wishes.

[Gabbyboy]

everyone is giving so much good advice so i wont give anymore haha

i would say though that i had the SAME experience when i was teenage boy and he's straight we kissed, touch each other etc. and there will be times that he is far away because of family travels, similar to your Josh. what got me over it is that i just got TIRED!!! tired of following him around, i felt that i should do something more about my life and find out what i can do without him.

good luck - if i were you just enjoy the moment while your still with him.

[usc823]

It's getting worse for me when I am not with him. When I AM with him I feel like we are closer than ever. Like we smile and laugh with each other a lot. I mean he will always make faces at me and smile, or when we say something to each other we look in the others eyes and grin. He sometimes is kinda shy and will look in my eyes and smile, and then look away quickly with the smile still on his face. When I was at their house eating lunch, he brought me a glass and poured me a drink with a huge smile on his face. When he is on the computer he is always calling me over to show me something he found. Before we went to bed we had a huge hug. And when we were playing a video game and I beat him I said, "I guess you don't like me too much right now" and he was like, "no, I love you". He is just sooooo sweet and I love him so much.

Now when I am not with him I feel worse. For some reason, the more he seems to like me the more I doubt. I mean when we are together you can just feel that we are into each other. But when I am at home, sitting in my room for hours doing nothing but thinking about him I doubt, and think that I am over analyzing his actions. I am a little more convinced now that his relationship with my sister is platonic. He doesn't really talk about her that much and when he does it seems to be in a friendly manner. This is getting so out of hand that it is impacting my health. I am a very emotionally unbalanced person, and I have a lot of stress in my life. One of the major things is this guy. Today I had to go to the doctor because of some chest pains, which tired out to be a enflamed muscle due to over stress. IDK, I NEED him. I have no aspirations for life except to build a cabin on top of a mountain where we can be together forever without anyone looking down on us...

[Gabbyboy]

slow down there cowboy! you dont need him, think about it. you were born without him so that means you can eat, breathe, work or sleep without him.

[usc823]

slow down there cowboy! you dont need him, think about it. you were born without him so that means you can eat, breathe, work or sleep without him.

Physically yes, mentally... no
I need to be reading a book for school right now but instead I am thinking about him. I cannot focus on anything. We had another one of those quick conversations earlier, this one was better than usual b/c when I told him that I hadn't been feeling good he said that he was sorry and hoped that I was feeling better. But, as usual, he just disconnected after a period of silence. I mean, sometimes when we are having a discussion he will tell me bye, and the other night he even included a smiley. Usually though he will get off after not talking for a while

[Gabbyboy]

thats why you got to learn to live without him, because they may come a time where he wont like to hang out with you anymore im sorry if im so negative but i really wish it will work out between you two.

[usc823]

Yea, I know what you mean. My biggest dilemma at this point is that I have made my life all about him for so long I cannot fathom what it would be like if he rejected me. I mean, the possibility scares me because I thin about the rest of my life and see how empty it is. He is one of the only things that brings me joy. And out of anything that matters to me, he is on the top of the list. I am getting mixed signals though. In some cases I feel like he likes me, and in some cases I feel like he likes my sister. Maybe he is bi and likes both of us, idk. I mean he is really nice to her, and talks to her some, but usually only about school stuff. They don't really have anything in common, so when they talk its pretty much about school. I was kinda worried today when I found out that my sister was going to be helping his mom with something at my school, and I knew he would be there. I get uneasy whenever they are together and I cannot see what is going on. I was there too for a little while helping, and while I was there he seemed to pay more attention to me. As usual he was pretty close to me at all times, and when we were walking somewhere he would walk really close. He would always try and get my attention to tell me something if I was looking away. This may be because my sister was not with us the whole time. She was helping his mom with something while us guys were doing some lifting. But when we went an took a break where they were he didn't stay and help there like he could have, he went with us to do other stuff. The one time he even payed attention to her when I was there was when they went to find their lockers. Ours are on different sides of the building and hers is near his. He went with her to find it and they met one of their friends and walked around for a little while. But as soon as I found him he was back to sticking with me. After I left I don't know what happened. They did go to lunch (him, his mom, my sister, and his brother) so I am kind of worried. But idk, I love him so much I cannot dream of losing him, or the part of him I feel like I have now.

[Dimdim]

You're only 17 and you will meet many more guys in the future. In 2yrs time you'll be going to college who knows maybe you will meet someone there. Try not to focus yourself too much on one person there are many others out there that could be the one and the obvious person might not actually be the one you want.