Shadow's Card Game Theory

[Shadow]

For want of a better term, that's what I'm calling it at the present time ...

BASICALLY this is how it goes ... this is how I used to view coming out when I was closeted, and would sit there thinking "Why should I come out ? Do I really NEED to come out ??".

To explain why I came up with this idea (and avoid being branded a NUTTER), I have always been a huge fan of visual examples, so I tend to imagine things so that I can manipulate them in my mind and see where they might go ...

That being said, I used to view the aspects of your character as cards, dealt to you before you were born. These cards were yours to play in the game of life, so they would include things like your gender, your sexuality, your natural abilities (whether you're naturally sporty, a linguist, scientifically-minded, etc., etc.), how well-endowed you are, the location of your birth, your creed, your social-standing, and so on.

Using that model I was able to get my head to a point where I didn't place any blame on myself for any aspect of how I viewed myself as having been made up ... so my sexuality was, to me, no more within my control than the colour of my eyes or my hair or the amount of hair on my legs or anything like that ...

From there I was able to say to myself "Ok so ... if this IS like a game of cards, then I have got (presumably) to play my hand before I can have more cards dealt to me".

THAT is where the coming out brick wall gets struck ... if you're able to look at the situation and say to yourself "if I play that card (the coming out card) then I'll be dealt another from the deck, and can move on", then you might (as I did) find the logical rationale behind coming out ...

... obviously that just sits along the HUGE amount of good coming advice that's already present, but for any of you that are, like me, visually-minded, you might find it helpful ... I hope so at any rate ...

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[wouldlikemuscle]

^^ Perhaps it's because I'm tired, and will be going to bed pretty soon (after my daily dose of Cottage Cheese anyway)... but that sorta confused me... I kinda get where you were going with it, but then didn't.

I'll have another read tomorrow... see if it sits clearer in my mind

[Shadow]

I've re-read it, and I can see where you might have looked at it and gone "wtf !?!?!".

Basically the point I was trying to make using cards as a visual example is that you have control over what moves you make, and what cards you play in life, and once you've played your hand out, you are dealt more cards from the deck.

Coming out is an obstacle to your progress as a natural, healthy, normal human being, and it IS something that YOU have control over (not you personally - "one"), whereas in my experience certainly, many people feel that they are unable to come out.

You're always able to come out if you want to - there are just occasions when it might be better not to, for a number of reasons ...

... so as a way of viewing it, I'd intended for it to mean that you're in control of your own destiny, and that whilst you may think that coming out is the end of the journey, it's really only just the beginning ... mile:.

Hope that makes a bit more sense babe x.

mile:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[wouldlikemuscle]

Ahh its clearer now... and cheers for the follow up explanation.

Playing the coming out card certainly opened up more opportunities for me... haven't made best use of those opportunities yet, but its only a matter of time... guess you could say I'm pondering which card to play next.

[Shadow]

Indeed !! :biggrin:, but that's not necessarily a BAD thing - there are only so many cards to be dealt, so you wouldn't wanna race through them all and have nowt left at the end .

.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[XRIMO]

This is all true, but if you want to use the card game theory, then there is also playing the right card at the right time aspect. You don't want to play all your cards before you are ready. You want to hold back and see the possibilities playing certain cards at certain times.
I know that I am holding back a few cards at least until I'm ready to play them at the right time, because in some ways, I don't feel ready for a new hand just yet...

[Shadow]

Another, very good point - there is a time and a place for all things mile:.

I'm glad you're all able to get down with what I was trying to convey :biggrin:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[XRIMO]

Another, very good point - there is a time and a place for all things mile:.

I'm glad you're all able to get down with what I was trying to convey :biggrin:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

Well I am a bit of a card player and I know a couple things about strategy:biggrin: . Sometimes you need to bluff and other times your hand is best in the world... but it all requires that you know how to play your cards in the right way...

[Shadow]

Indeed ... and sometimes you can do that ... what do they call it again ... it's when ... ah yeah - collusion (sp?), where you and another player team up to win the game by manipulating the rules ...

The more I use it, the more I like this analogy !!

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

Except.....

There's always the "safe" player who would rather fold and break even than take the chance of winning. Although I like the idea, you have to be the right kind of person willing to play that hand. If you are not, you give yoyurself the perfect excuse not to play that hand.

Next game, next hand, next game, next hand....... You might never be a winner, but also never a loser.......Just one of those sad souls who sit for hour after hour playing the nickle slots.

Perhaps we can take the anology but fit it to a game where you have to play.