07-27-2011, 10:30 AM
As you can imagine, the last time i posted on here, i have some pretty vivid dreams. Well like the last dream i wrote about, dreaming of heaven, these two were quite the opposite. They were the worst nightmares i've had since i can remember.
I want to make something very clear though. IM telling you something hardly anyone but my counselor knows, and when i say counselor, that dont mean im crazy in any way.
From about when i was twelve to when i was almost 15, mom would usually pick me up from school, make dinner, then afterwards would just drink herself away on her wine. And she would overdo it so much that she would no longer be my mother, she would be someone else entirely. There are times when i came close to just taking her wine and pouring it down the drain.
Then on one night, i had two horrible nightmares. The first was of me lying in my bed, mom was drunk again, then i hear her yelling and slamming doors, she gets really mean when she's drunk. I remember having this feeling of hatred. I grabbed the knife on my nightstand, and im being honest i was probably gonna do something i would regret doing i my dream. But instead, when my dog comes into my room, and at the point where i just about had enough of everything, i killed my dog instead.
Then there was another dream, on this same night later on, where i was in a dark room. As my vision was adjusting i remember i was in a restroom, ad i could not find a light switch. then i start hearing voices, and i came to realize in a few minutes that it was my moms voice, growing louder and louder. I could tell she was drunk again, by the way her words were. Then i started hearing doors slamming, and her voice was now up to screaming... i remember trying to run away, from the screaming, the doors slamming, things breaking...... only to be right back where i started. then the walls started closing in on me, and i felt i couldn't breath. This is when i started waking up, but the most memorable thing about that nightmare, was that it felt as if i was actually being strangled to death, or that something extremely heavy was being pressed on my chest. I actually couldn't breath, i wanted to scream but i couldnt. Instead i cried, not much but a little.
When i talked to dad about them the next day, he explained to me, the first dream i had meant that i would rather kill my dog than my mom. And the second dream meant that with the way my mom was, it would symbolize her suffocating me, with her drinking and how she gets when she's drunk.
And by the way, i want to make this clear, my mom is not abusive. this is simply a glimpse into how my life was then. She's mean when drunk, but caring and kind when sober.
And again, am not crazy... just stressin that point
I want to make something very clear though. IM telling you something hardly anyone but my counselor knows, and when i say counselor, that dont mean im crazy in any way.
From about when i was twelve to when i was almost 15, mom would usually pick me up from school, make dinner, then afterwards would just drink herself away on her wine. And she would overdo it so much that she would no longer be my mother, she would be someone else entirely. There are times when i came close to just taking her wine and pouring it down the drain.
Then on one night, i had two horrible nightmares. The first was of me lying in my bed, mom was drunk again, then i hear her yelling and slamming doors, she gets really mean when she's drunk. I remember having this feeling of hatred. I grabbed the knife on my nightstand, and im being honest i was probably gonna do something i would regret doing i my dream. But instead, when my dog comes into my room, and at the point where i just about had enough of everything, i killed my dog instead.
Then there was another dream, on this same night later on, where i was in a dark room. As my vision was adjusting i remember i was in a restroom, ad i could not find a light switch. then i start hearing voices, and i came to realize in a few minutes that it was my moms voice, growing louder and louder. I could tell she was drunk again, by the way her words were. Then i started hearing doors slamming, and her voice was now up to screaming... i remember trying to run away, from the screaming, the doors slamming, things breaking...... only to be right back where i started. then the walls started closing in on me, and i felt i couldn't breath. This is when i started waking up, but the most memorable thing about that nightmare, was that it felt as if i was actually being strangled to death, or that something extremely heavy was being pressed on my chest. I actually couldn't breath, i wanted to scream but i couldnt. Instead i cried, not much but a little.
When i talked to dad about them the next day, he explained to me, the first dream i had meant that i would rather kill my dog than my mom. And the second dream meant that with the way my mom was, it would symbolize her suffocating me, with her drinking and how she gets when she's drunk.
And by the way, i want to make this clear, my mom is not abusive. this is simply a glimpse into how my life was then. She's mean when drunk, but caring and kind when sober.
And again, am not crazy... just stressin that point
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With that being said, I think you should stop worrying as much about what other people think. In most of America (I see you're from Texas... I'm so sorry), mental health is, for the most part, a very taboo/sensitive subject. However, mental health should be seen in the same light as physical health - if everyone had a personal trainer (or counselor), maybe we (Americans) would be a little healthier all around. 