Who You Are. . .

[YipeeKiYay]

[SIZE="2"][COLOR="Red"]In my introduction thread, (I think it was, or asking where all the females are at...) anyways, somebody mentioned that perhaps I should do a dialog of myself if I don't find it too personal to do, which may help me on my journey of discovery. So here it is...I hope it doesn't bore you too much :tongue:

For now, I'll state my name as Yipee, rather than being nameless. I discovered this site whilst googling to find a gay orientated chat site, where I could help myself perhaps discover who I actually am on the inside, as the outside I'm a 5ft 4" blond with short hair and hazel/green eyes...The inside is a different story which I imagine others have been in the similar position of confused.com!!

I am 24 years old, I've always been a tom boy - I have two older brothers (36 and 33), I am the only girl which my parents had (all three of us have the same parents). Parents are now divorced, that happened when I was around 16 years old and taking my GCSE's. Mum's remarried. I have lived with my Dad since my Mum left, and up until February this year (2011) it was just Dad and I living together, although he had a girlfriend, they never lived together, but 18 months or so ago, he started seeing his girlfriend again from when he was 15/16, and now my Dad and I have moved 150 miles back to Wiltshire to be closer to our family (brothers etc) and we now since Feb live with his girlfriend and her youngest daughter - there are two more. I get on great with my brothers, always been really close to them despite not living with them since I was 8 years old, as Parents and I moved to Devon, and brothers stayed in wiltshire, being that much older than me, they were allowed to. I also great on really well with my step sisters . . . Always wanted a sister...then I got 3!!

I enjoy music and films, and playing football. George Michael and Kenny Chesney are my favorite artists. Jason statham, Keria Knightley, Clint eastwood, bruce willis and Will Smith are my fav actors/tress'. I love action films and cowboy/western films. Not into love stories so much... I love SVU and CSI!
I have two tattoos, George Michael's Faith album symbols on my left forarm, and a gecko on my right ankle ish area. I have my right helix (top of ear) pierced...that kinda hurt aha!

I have always dated boys/men. But the last few weeks or so I have been feeling that I am not bothered by men, i think I look at men because all my friends are straight and that's what your "supposed" to look at, you know? I went on plenty of fish and went on a couple dates with this guy, he was very good looking, and on paper we had same interests etc, but I felt nothing not attracted to him, but could see he was a looker, you know? and all my work mates said he was gorgeous etc. Sexually I've slept with 3 men, and I haven't enjoyed it at all. just done pretty much nothing for me. I don't think I've a very sexual person, or I've just been with the wrong sex lol...surely i havent just had 3 really rubbish men in bed have i?! LOL.
But, now I have found myself noticing women. At work there's a young woman (couple yrs younger than myself who is a lesbian, and I am attracted to her) she has an awesome sense of humor and personality, just makes us all laugh on her dept and on the dept i work in, just such a lovely girl, and i think is very pretty, but not in the way girlie girls will say 'oh she's pretty dont you think?'

How I dress, jeans, tshirt and hoodie. I don't do dresses or skirts or much make up. I dont feel comfortable or myself wearing girlie clothes or make up more than a little eye liner or light eyeshadow. I like boyfriend fit jeans, or standard straight fit jeans, tshirts and tops which dont cling to me and my small chest. I like being comfortable and no matter how much my mum has tried to get me girlie clothes it just doesn't work, i might like it, but i cant wear it cus its not who I am. Same as my dad wants me to grow my hair, i cant i dont think, because long hair straighten etc isn't me, when my hair was long it was a nightmare and always in a pony tail and i hated it so much.

I don't really have any proper friends other than ppl who are in my dept at work, but 98% of them are younger than me and are quite immature and touchy about certain things like homosexuality and stuff. Plus I don't really work in a place where things are kept secret its like the Jeremy bloody kyle show in that place!! and when I'm off work they are working and visa verso. Even though Ive lived here a year now in wilts. I just don't do clubbing or drinking so haven't met any new friends, but I have just started playing football again in a women team, so I hope I can make a friend or two there. (I think quite a few of them are gay)

I prefer to say gay, because the word lesbian just doesn't sound nice, - cant explain it, just gay is a nicer softer term I think in my little world lol.

I don't really know what else to write....

I hope I get to finding myself...and I'm not really worried to be honest, as its defo not at the stage of telling people....cus then i'll be worried. But I'm just content and wanting to know who i am if that makes sense?


Love, Peace, Health and Happiness....AS always,

Yipee [/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Gabbyboy]

thanks Yipee, great life story you got there. i love George Michael too, but only one song "freedom 90" yeah thats one of my favorite. reading your post you dont have any girlfriend yet? you should try clubbing, just give t a shot you may someone there.

[toomuch45]

welcome yippie i felt the same way about when your at work you have to say that you like men because of straight people around you because i do the same thing at my job and it sucks. i barely have any friends either from where i live since you feel that way
nice introduction explaining who you are and yea i think the word gay is better than lesbian

enjoy your staymile:

[azulai]

Hey, Yipee!
I'm glad you started your thread. It's been nice seeing you around.
You seem like a really sweet person.

Wow, you really like George Michael! mile: I'm not really familiar with his music (I've heard of him) but I think it's great that you like him so much. I'm more into rock, metal, and classical. I'm just starting to get into blues/jazz.

Like you, I don't go clubbing. I'm more into fitness, nature and music. One of my sisters is an incredible soccer player. I think it's great that you joined a team. I think it's much better to have an interest where there is a chance you might meet gay people so that you have something in common.

I agree with you that the word gay is softer. I really liked the way you phrased that. I had a lot of trouble saying the word gay when I was accepting myself. It was like I knew but looking in the mirror was very difficult and well, almost frightening. You seem almost serene about your journey. I think that's pretty wonderful.

There's another thread on here about the word queer. I don't think I could ever refer to myself as queer. I was having trouble trying to figure out why the word bugs me so much and I think what you said about the term lesbian, is what bothers me about the term queer. It seems harsh and doesn't sound as nice as gay.

So, do you find yourself checking out your teammates? LOL. That was kind of a big signal for me. Hairy legs did crazy things to me!

[Zune]

Greetings!

I'd like to say that it's possible to have very unsatisfying sex very many times with very many people. It just depends on how you feel about them.

I've had amazing sex with one person who I was really in love with, but then I went on to someone else who I didn't really care that much about and the sex was boring, awkward, and disgusting.

[jbrowder24]

Welcome to the site! Those expectations of who we "should" date definitely delays the realization process for some of us; good luck getting everything figured out.

[YipeeKiYay]

[SIZE="2"][COLOR="Red"]I want to thank you all for replying to my thread here. It actually means quite a lot to me, to be able to voice (in a way) the things which are in my head, and get a response which isn't going to make me feel like I should shut up haha.

I really liked my last proper boyfriend, but I think I was in love with the idea of having a friend and being able to do things with someone, as although we only dated for 19 days, we never just sat still at home, we went to pubs for quite drinks, and went away over night, and to parks and places. So I think the whole idea of a friend was the love factor for me on that. I am happy on my own though, I think because I've come to realize that maybe actually I am not a boyfriend type of person . . .

I sort of talked to one person at work, in a very subtle kind of way, and we're going to go out to a gay club one weekend. I hope I can trust her, because if it gets around the store where I work, I know she's the only who knows I'm questioning myself! . . .

I forgot to say in my little dialog of moi, that I am very passionate about photography, but my crappy fully flex job doesn't allow me to get out much with the camera, and the lack of dry weather on my days off doesn't help either!

My love of George Michael and his music started when I was 17, just before my 17th birthday, I found him a little late in his career lol! Then I found out my all time fav xmas song was by wham! which he was in! So my love of music then grew, and I now listen to anything from Michael Buble, R.E.M, Nickleback, Kid Rock Eminem right up to i don't know Jessie j and lady gaga, and Hugh Lauries album haha and SeaSick Steve and Johnny Cash Anything which sounds good to me I listen to!
Love, Peace, Health and Happiness....AS Always,

Yipee [/COLOR][/SIZE]

[ZackT]

I like the word lesbian because of the images it provokes in my head...

Well, as far as your attraction to men/women goes, I think if you just don't feel anything towards guys, then maybe you should start seriously considering dating a couple girls and seeing how that feels. It is hard to say where your true feelings lie. After all, maybe you really did get unlucky and have 3 lackluster guys in a row. It could they didn't know how to properly get you off, after all, most girls don't climax from penetration. If that's the majority of what those 3 guys did, then I mean...it probably didn't feel bad, but it didn't get you off either.

But you may seriously have very little attraction towards men and maybe women is where it's at for you. Maybe talk to your gay friend at work if you are comfortable enough with it, see how she reacts. Maybe she's got a girlfriend already, but if she doesn't, maybe she could help you. If that's a little too close to home though, then you could always just go to another dating website and set up a simple date with a woman. Maybe that's an option worth exploring.

[YipeeKiYay]

The whole sex thing doesn't really appeal to me with guys, nor women at the moment. But I do want to date a couple women and see how it goes, as I think only then will i know my true feelings. I think there's alot more to relationships than sex, and most men do just see sex, and I also think that there is a lot more to life than hanging around in the shadows - you only get one life and all.