My boyfriend won't bottom!

[bariuke]

you need to make him want to take it. Do this by making love not just sex. Massage him, lick him down there. If I could teach what I'm trying to say I'd make $

I saw you trolling other threads. If you have nothing useful to say, maybe you should leave before you get yourself banned.

[kitschcamp]

You may be in a relationship, but it is his body. If he can't or won't share it with you in the way you want it has to be his decision. Obviously if there are consequences he will have to accept them. Sorry you are finding this difficult, but your description sounds like pressure. I can only imagine how he is experiencing it.

Have to agree. Pressuring him won't make it any easier for him, because even if he does agree he'll be so stressed about it, that he'll tense up and find it painful, only reinforcing the negative image he has of it already.

Don't make it an issue. Take your time. Play. See what happens. One day it may surprise you. Trust me. And give him a chance to fully relax and trust you 100%.

[jonrx26]

Thanks everyone for the comments and help.

I’m starting to realise I must have been silly thinking my bf would change his preferences because of me despite all the love and everything else we have.

Some of the comments above suggest I should try to get him interested with foreplay – I’ve tried this many times including rimming him which I’m not a fan of but I’ll do it anyway because I know he likes it. The problem starts with penetration, even as little as a fingertip freaks him out. The only time I’ve been inside him (no more than an inch though) was after a club night when he was probably high. That was several months ago and nothing like that has happened again. To be honest I’m not very turned on by the idea that my bf has to take drugs to have sex with me.

I guess I should just admit to myself that he’s an exclusive top and accept him as he is. A relationship should be about loving your partner for what they are right? Wanting your bf to be different can’t surely be part of a happy relationship?

Being sexually compatible with my bf is important to me. Sex drive is one of the primary instincts and I don’t think it’s healthy to supress it – especially since all I want is just plain vanilla sex (the gay version of it obviously) with no fetishes or anything else like that involved. I’ve enjoyed my many flings in the past but having sex with someone you know really well and love to bits is AMAZING and tops everything! I really can’t bear the idea of not being able to do it again. Also as I’m quite an emotional guy I wouldn’t see being in an open relationship or having threesomes as a solution. I would consider having a threesome at some point in the relationship but only as an addition to normal sex life not as a substitute for something my bf can’t provide for me.

I’m really gutted it’s come to this. I love the guy to bits and I know he wants me too but I just can’t go on being so deprived. It’s the same as I could never be with someone I’m not physically attracted to or have no emotional connection with. Two out of three is good but not a match for me. FML

[Brian45011]

Thanks everyone for the comments and help.

I’m starting to realise I must have been silly thinking my bf would change his preferences because of me despite all the love and everything else we have.

Some of the comments above suggest I should try to get him interested with foreplay – I’ve tried this many times including rimming him which I’m not a fan of but I’ll do it anyway because I know he likes it. The problem starts with penetration, even as little as a fingertip freaks him out. The only time I’ve been inside him (no more than an inch though) was after a club night when he was probably high. That was several months ago and nothing like that has happened again. To be honest I’m not very turned on by the idea that my bf has to take drugs to have sex with me.

I guess I should just admit to myself that he’s an exclusive top and accept him as he is. A relationship should be about loving your partner for what they are right? Wanting your bf to be different can’t surely be part of a happy relationship?

Being sexually compatible with my bf is important to me. Sex drive is one of the primary instincts and I don’t think it’s healthy to supress it – especially since all I want is just plain vanilla sex (the gay version of it obviously) with no fetishes or anything else like that involved. I’ve enjoyed my many flings in the past but having sex with someone you know really well and love to bits is AMAZING and tops everything! I really can’t bear the idea of not being able to do it again. Also as I’m quite an emotional guy I wouldn’t see being in an open relationship or having threesomes as a solution. I would consider having a threesome at some point in the relationship but only as an addition to normal sex life not as a substitute for something my bf can’t provide for me.

I’m really gutted it’s come to this. I love the guy to bits and I know he wants me too but I just can’t go on being so deprived. It’s the same as I could never be with someone I’m not physically attracted to or have no emotional connection with. Two out of three is good but not a match for me. FML

Wow! I'm sorry to hear your decision on your relationship, but if your boyfriend needs drugs other than prescription to have sex with you then. I think you are arriving at a good decision. Best of luck to you, I hope everything works out, one way or the other.

[OsirisGuy23]

Along with the basic fear of AIDS/HIV, and the pain of bottoming (it can hurt, I tried it, and I felt NOTHING but pain....lol) There could be the fear of feeling emasculated; that's is often a personal reason why I don't bottom....letting someone "inside" of you is personal, and can make a guy feel "weak" or not "strong"....I don't like that, and I reserve that for someone truly deserving and appreciative of it. I suggest getting closer emotionally before you ask him to try bottoming again; a guy who has been trained to be masculine all his life (even if effeminate) will react adversely to this; it's to be expected, but with patience and time, he may come around.

This is an issue that has to be worked out between the two of you and it involves really working things out personally/psychologically before trying this....as stated before there is a risk/fear of contracting an STD with this....I say use condoms, and just work on deepening your understanding towards one another. It'll work out provided you both have the patience, and love to try together! mile:

[Uke]

Well, I personally am 100% passive and the receiving one (well duh, hence the nickname "Uke"). For me, if my partner someday would demand me to be the aggressive one, I simply wouldn't want to do it at all, no matter how much I'd love the guy.

Now if your bf wants to be the aggressive one 100%, I'm figuring he'll not gonna change from that. This doesn't mean that he doesn't love you though, K?

[princealbertofb]

Thanks everyone for the comments and help.

I’m starting to realise I must have been silly thinking my bf would change his preferences because of me despite all the love and everything else we have.

Some of the comments above suggest I should try to get him interested with foreplay – I’ve tried this many times including rimming him which I’m not a fan of but I’ll do it anyway because I know he likes it. The problem starts with penetration, even as little as a fingertip freaks him out. The only time I’ve been inside him (no more than an inch though) was after a club night when he was probably high. That was several months ago and nothing like that has happened again. To be honest I’m not very turned on by the idea that my bf has to take drugs to have sex with me.

I guess I should just admit to myself that he’s an exclusive top and accept him as he is. A relationship should be about loving your partner for what they are right? Wanting your bf to be different can’t surely be part of a happy relationship?

Being sexually compatible with my bf is important to me. Sex drive is one of the primary instincts and I don’t think it’s healthy to supress it – especially since all I want is just plain vanilla sex (the gay version of it obviously) with no fetishes or anything else like that involved. I’ve enjoyed my many flings in the past but having sex with someone you know really well and love to bits is AMAZING and tops everything! I really can’t bear the idea of not being able to do it again. Also as I’m quite an emotional guy I wouldn’t see being in an open relationship or having threesomes as a solution. I would consider having a threesome at some point in the relationship but only as an addition to normal sex life not as a substitute for something my bf can’t provide for me.

I’m really gutted it’s come to this. I love the guy to bits and I know he wants me too but I just can’t go on being so deprived. It’s the same as I could never be with someone I’m not physically attracted to or have no emotional connection with. Two out of three is good but not a match for me. FML

I can see one way out of this, but I'm not sure either of you is going to like it. Maybe you should consider having some threesomes in which your topping would be expressed, but I'm not sure you'd find that as pleasing as giving your boyfriend a good topping, since you know how good it feels.

I think a lot of this has to do with his mind construct of anal sex and probably roles too. Maybe you two really need to talk about WHY he cannot bottom for you. There may be some hidden reasons there, that, for modesty's sake, he hasn't told you. How do we know that he hasn't suffered from some form of rape in his childhood? How do we know if he considers this sinful or just too dirty for words. Some guys just don't like anal sex and it takes some really strong feelings to let someone into you when it's not what nature intended the hole for in the first place.

You have obviously found reasons for bottoming, hopefully pleasurable ones as well as compromising ones, but it really isn't something you can force on someone. So, either your patience will be your virtue, or you'd better discuss it seriously before it takes its toll on what seems to be a good relationship otherwise. Please learn to accept that No is No, until there is such as time as you awake his curiosity. It seems strange to me that he wouldn't be interested in finding out what all the fuss is about, but there must be some strong taboos there to tackle.

Forcing yourself upon him will only bring you remorse and guilt. So don't even go down that route. I think a discussion, possibly also getting some literature about anal sex (like the Joy of Gay Sex) so that he can better understand what makes anal sex interesting.

I find it healthy that he has enough regard for himself to stick to no-anal-sex if he doesn't like the idea of it, or has qualms about it. I know what you're saying: that it doesn't seem fair, but we don't know how his heart and brain work in those matters. Education may be the key to happiness for you both. Read up on it, explain it, ask him about it. Don't do this while you're in bed, trying to make love, but maybe after you've made love, and maybe told him how great it was (and why it was great). mile:mile: Don't give up on him, not just yet. Express your frustrations to him, maybe that'll take some of the sting out of them.

Take care Jon.

[Kyle]

Well, It's all about personal preference. I am top and I find bottoming uncomfortable but not possible.
I have been with my boyfriend for an year already and we had sex many many times and I bottomed only twice and I can say I absolutely did this for him and didn't enjoy myself. Although I didn't like it I'm up to doing it several more times like few times in a year, It's just because I love him and if I ever do it, do it for him. Fortunately my boyfriend is bottom and never been really interested in topping, he had never topped so he wanted to try and I let him try. He said he enjoys being bottom more so we are happy with that. about your case I have to say, if he loves you he has to bottom for you. If not 50-50%, at least sometime. This is how I see that, if you love someone nothing is impossible, especially bottoming, because it's not anything disgusting or extremely painful. I understand he might have some fears because he is inexperienced but 8 months is a time when he has to understand if you two want to be together he has to give something and please you sometime.
I wish you two will have everything fine mile:

[TySlamma]

He sounds like a pure top to me, in which he doesn't like or want to be a bottom. You like both with is good but doesn't mean that he does. If you put to much pressure on him to bottom for you then you may lose him, and I doubt you would want that to happen. Except the roles that you and him live and be happy with them, if your not happy being the bottom all the time then you may have to find another boyfriend. If you are happy with the roles then let this go and live your life together with him for the rest of your days.