The trouble with dating a twin...

[CB75075]

Hi everyone,

I got a bit of a situation that I'm struggling to wrestle with and figured it might be good to get some input before making any decisions.

To anyone who has dated a twin, you will know my blight.

Essentially the short version of the story is that I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 3 years now, and moved to his home country in Argentina to stay with him because LDR's are just too much drama. I'll simply refer to him as "J"...

The thing is, J has a twin brother, "L", who is also gay (and is SOOOOOO much like my partner, but I guess being a twin that would follow). I met him already and we're good friends, but lately I've been noticing that I've been developing strong feelings for L as well.

I still love my guy fiercely and don't want to hurt him by telling him, but I can't deny that I've developed feelings for his twin brother... and I don't know what to do about it? One of my friends say I'm only interested in my partner's twin brother because he lives back home in the U.K. and I'm stuck living abroad in a country I'm not really happy in, and that he represents an escape back to the U.K.

Another friend says that I should pursue a relationship with L because he's all the things I love about my guy + a few other things such as being outgoing, full of life and passion, etc etc., and he's currently single.

I tell myself that I should let this thing just die because I have 3 years with my guy and do still love him truly, but I can't help but wonder am I giving up a potentially great opportunity? I feel like such a horrible person for even considering such a thing. A year or two prior, I had an unshakable foundation and nothing could even tempt me in the slightest to deviate from what I had. But now, idk. Is it me? is it the place I'm living?

Anyways, what do you guys think I should do?

[dfiant]

It makes sense that homesickness would play a part in the attraction to the twin, especially if you have left family behind.

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice other than the heart knows what the heart wants, and I am sure in time you will follow your heart and find happiness.

[Jay]

Hi everyone,
I still love my guy fiercely and don't want to hurt him by telling him, but I can't deny that I've developed feelings for his twin brother... and I don't know what to do about it? One of my friends say I'm only interested in my partner's twin brother because he lives back home in the U.K. and I'm stuck living abroad in a country I'm not really happy in, and that he represents an escape back to the U.K.

There. That should be your full stop. If you have undying love for J, get rid of unnecessary thoughts on L. The more you think of L, the more you will crave for L.

CB75075, whatever you do please consider the consequences if you take the chance with L. Consider that both of them are brothers and ties with each other. Consider that you have the chance of losing J and L both.

Sorry if I sound like a Debbie Downer.

[CB75075]

There. That should be your full stop. If you have undying love for J, get rid of unnecessary thoughts on L. The more you think of L, the more you will crave for L.

CB75075, whatever you do please consider the consequences if you take the chance with L. Consider that both of them are brothers and ties with each other. Consider that you have the chance of losing J and L both.

Sorry if I sound like a Debbie Downer.

No no, thank you. You're absolutely right. I am beginning to think my friend is right that this is a passing infatuation, partly because the L just broke up with his ex and I have that "nurturer" mentality -- wanting to come in and take care of someone --, and also the fact that I am feeling homesick and he represents a way to go home.

But you are right that I would be losing far more than I would be gaining. I do have a good thing going on right now, even if I'm homesick and don't want to be here anymore, and I don't want to lose J forever.

Thank you for the advice. I will try what you suggest and just focus on trying to put this infatuation out of my head. though that sounds much easier said than done...

[ardus]

I know the call for home, eventually it leads you to whatever you want it to lead you to. You have to decide what is stronger, the call for home or the call of what you have.
Richard

[marshlander]

The grass is rarely greener anywhere else, although I appreciate that home is often viewed through green-tinted spectacles.

[Genersis]

I have to say.
I agree with Jay on this one.

Reading all this makes me glad my twin isn't gay.:redface:

[Jay]

No no, thank you. You're absolutely right. I am beginning to think my friend is right that this is a passing infatuation, partly because the L just broke up with his ex and I have that "nurturer" mentality -- wanting to come in and take care of someone --, and also the fact that I am feeling homesick and he represents a way to go home.

But you are right that I would be losing far more than I would be gaining. I do have a good thing going on right now, even if I'm homesick and don't want to be here anymore, and I don't want to lose J forever.

Thank you for the advice. I will try what you suggest and just focus on trying to put this infatuation out of my head. though that sounds much easier said than done...

No problem, CB75075. I wish you the best of luck with J.

Just deliver L to my house via FedEx. I will keep my eyes on him and put him under my magic spell. Roar.