My confession

[billyclay]

I want to just get it off me since it has always weighed on me. I think of it every day for the past 10 years. When i was 13, in middle school, i was raped by the Athletics coach(most would think this a fantasy), I still didnt know what i wanted back then, and i know i didnt want to do it. I am gay i know that, i was wondering if anyone thinks this may have been a turning point in my life. I never spoke of it to anyone besides having my schedule changed to get rid of athletics (also might explain my hate for football) but i seen the coach today while i was at walmart, and i just felt hurt all over again. i felt stabbed, i wanted to die right then and there. I just wanted to type or write this someplace to get it out off my chest, i never told anyone until now.

[marshlander]

I have never had an experience like yours, so I cannot reply in the way that I know some of the others on here will be able to.

First of all, may I congratulate you for taking steps to purge yourself. Having carried your experience around all these years that must have been difficult. Whatever that coach did was a criminal act and he should have to answer for it. Unless you disclosed to anyone else at the time or unless he now confesses I don't know what can be done. Were you to go to the police it is, I suppose, just possible that others have already complained and you case would add further weight of evidence against him. My local newspaper carried a story a few weeks ago of a man who was convicted of abusing children decades later and after they met up again on Facebook and began comparing stories. If you can bear to read it the newspaper report is here Proof, I think, that some criminals can eventually be forced to pay for their crimes.

In cases like this I would generally suggest that the victim consider professional counselling. An act like this leaves metaphorical scars in places that cannot easily be reached.

Best wishes to you and good luck for a happier future.

[pellaz]

discuss your situation professionally. you may never find a total resolve to your feelings only temporary relief.

instead of seeing this person on a daily basis you could consider moving away for a while. i am just worried for you to be in that environment.

[billyclay]

Thanks, everyone

[SleepTalker]

This post is a big step in your recovery i think.