Need to get this out

[Wolf]

So recently I finally had my ears pierced, which i've been wanting to do for a long time. I paid $30 of my own money to have both my ears done. I was so happy with it the earrings they looked so good on me! But i guess things that make me happy just don't last.......
Cause here's what went down. I went back home that weekend and my parents didn't yet know i had done this. My dad FLIPPED OUT big time!! my mom didn't care so much that i had them, she told me she didn't like them and that was all. Ok. I can live with that. But as for my dad. Holy fucking shit. He thought that because i got a piercing, that now i was headed off to go do drugs, make criminal friends, get drunk every night, and go catch aids. Um HELLOOOO its an ear piercing. women get them all the time, and now so do a lot of guys. and i am not the kind of person to do drugs, get drunk or have irresponsible sex. at all. period. I never once gave them a reason my whole life that i would, and i never will. i've never been yelled at like this over anything. If i did get in trouble, it was usually over childish things. I had never been so pissed off and upset at the same time. But then....oh then it gets worse. After some silence, he wants to know why i got them. So i said because i think they look cool, and they did. He believed me. He says he notices that more guys get them now, but then he comments on how utterly stupid and...and.... how queer and...faggoty it looks. ( I nearly had a meltdown, it took all i had to not hit and scream and cry and just stay calm about the whole thing) I said almost nothing the rest of the time i was home, and ended up taking out the earrings and letting the holes close. :frown: i cried so much after the incident, i was deeply upset, but i'm fine now. Just still a bit pissed every time i think about it.

And now, i know that i'm never ever coming out of the closet. if my dad knew, especially after that episode over harmless earrings, there's no telling what he would do if he knew the real me. I couldn't face that. It would be...horrific. I wanted to come out, and now i cant... well at least not to him. ever. my mom said once she would be ok with it if i was gay, and then she added she doesn't believe i am anyway. sometimes i think deep down she knows about me, even though she'll ask me from time to time if have a girlfriend yet. Maybe i'll tell her someday. At least she could accept her kid for who he is.

Sorry for the rant, but it felt so good to talk about it

[zeon]

Hello Wolf,
You go get your ears pierced again babes... Fuck your father your 19 years of age and if he doesnt like you getting your ears pierced that is HIS PROBLEM..... You never live for other people only yourself.... Once you do it again say to him regardless how i look or how i act to be honest.... Im 19 years of age I am now offically able to look after myself i dont need someone like you in my life giving directions and to be honest if you cannot or will not accept the fact that I am who i am and if i want to wear ear rings regardless whgether i look like a right homo or not you will respect me and there will be NO questions and NO answers end of! You stated that you feel unsafe coming out to your family.... To be honest if u did it might calm your father down and settle his fears but when u do come out dont look back stand defiant and regardless what he says remember 1 in 10 men turn out gay on average so if he doesnt like your sexuality ask him to respect it or (your own term entered here... Mine was consider you dead to me)

I did something once and my dad didnt like it so i told him to go fuck himself and his nothing more than a sperm donor..... That was the day i came out as gay

Kindest regards

zeon x

[OrphanPip]

I agree with zeon, you should get your ears pierced again. Small acts of defiance mean a lot. In general, coming out can start really bad, but parents get used to it with time. My parents are not the most supportive ones out there, but they get gradually better sometimes.

[fenris]

Some pierced ears should not be a problem... my are both pierced and I plan to set some new ear-piercings in time. My mom payed the pearcing of my "look I´m gay"-ear in 1984... so it seems that pierced ears are not really new...
Show your father that it is your decision to pierce your ears whenever and how often you want to pierce your ears ... but don´t discuss it.... if he starts to discuss it... just leave the room. A pierced ear is - for my opinion - not worth to start a battle but it is worth to show that you are 19 years old and you are able to decide if you want your ears pierced or not.

[zeon]

Furthermore to coming out if now isnt time wait a little while and break it when your ready or if your view was like mine and u think whats the worst they could do then let em know but u only can do it once as telling ya mum your gay twice doesnt really work as she says.,.. I know lol

[azulai]

Hi, Wolf.

Are you in college? I can't remember. But, whether you are or not you need to start working on your plan for independence and living your life as you want to.

What you are describing as your father's reaction is nothing more than a temper tantrum. When we think of a tantrum, most will think of children, but no, it's also a way for parents to manipulate and control their children. Your father continued his outburst until he achieved his goal, right? He got his way.

When you said your mom has indicated in the past that she would be ok with you being gay, etc. It seems to me, they both suspect. I think your father saw your earrings as another indicator and he manipulated you into removing "the gay."

It's understandable that you are pissed. But, channel your anger into "training" your parents. :tongue: You need to realize that the small steps you take will add up. You seem like a really sweet person, and I bet, confrontation makes you uncomfortable. I think this was a good thing, and like you said, it gives you a window to your father's reaction if you were to come out.

But, I hope you don't choose to let him win the big fight. The one that really matters. I hope you don't deny a part of you that over time will need to be expressed. You are going to want to be loved for who you are, and you deserve to be. We all tend to seek our parents' approval but part of becoming independent is letting that go. It's hard but it's important.

But, we all live within our families and we know the unique dynamics. We know where we stand in our dependence on them and our own comfort levels. We know our emotional strength and what we can handle. So, you have take your time and build your framework. In the art of war, sometimes it's wise to retreat, rebuild your defenses, study your enemy and plan for the next battle.

I don't think you should rush out and get your ears pierced again. I think you need to work on your internal self and build up self-confidence, love of self, and identity. Then, when you are ready to face their reaction and stand firm, yeah, get them pierced again. And, don't back down.

This is also going to be important for you in future relationships. Take care.

[dfiant]

Really? he got upset over peirced ears on a guy? Thats pretty shallow.

I got three ear peircings when I was 14 years old, that was in 1983, and I still have them...and my mum paid for them.

Wolf, be proud of yourself, don't let people bring you down, even if it is one of your parents. Your father's reaction isn't your fault nor is it your problem...it is wholly your fathers fault and his problem that he has to deal with.

Go out and get your ears done again if they make you feel good about yourself

[zeon]

I love moments like these when we all agree one our beleifs which is sort of like a faith in a way... I kinda wish i was living near ya mate so i could just say look his ya son still with or without ears pierced and regardless whether his gay or not u should still love him exactly the same as you would anyone else.... Alot of peoples views are nothing more than an alcoholic needing a drink.... Mixed wires lol

[Aester]

I do not get ears piercing or piercing in general but its your body. When i got my dreads my dad was flippin', he said to me after all studies and how good I've been have i decided to become a junkie (Although i smoke weed sometimes but I'm far from addicted and he knowns noone) and jabbin' about some other stuff i don't quite remember. I laughed at him for a bit and told him its just freaking fucking hair and if i was smoking what has that to do with my hair? He is the kinda guy that goes to Church everyday and generally a bit Flanders (Simpson) alike but very strict. I still love him and WHO he is but not exactly WHAT he is. I am sure i can't ever tell him about being gay, it saddens me but not as much as my brother. I have gotten very fond with his girl friend and she suspect that i am gay, since i barely never gets out and never had a real girlfriend, i heard her and my brother when i laid fake sleeping in the living room when they were in the kitchen she said and tried to convince him that i were gay and we should accept that but my brother just kept denying it, after several times hes voice shook. I had also have had some anti homosexual conversations with him where i just agree. I'm still closeted and i don't sincerely know how to get out specially to him since we are really close. We hang out many times a week and sometimes tops 10 times a year i hang along with him to do graffiti and other stuff.

[JShell1265]

I didn't come "Out" to my parents . . . my boyfriend might have told them (long story I'm not getting into right now). It was a horrible time in my life. I often wonder if it would have gone better if I told them right away instead of having someone else tell them after years of dating.

My parents and I are on good terms now (that was 20 years ago), but we don't discuss my love life.