Need to get this out

[Crs30]

I don't know your father, and I don't know how he would react, so if what I recommend isn't really a good recommendation feel free to toss it.

I would get my ears pierced again. When the next freakout ensues, I would calmly say "I don't need your approval, but your acceptance is appreciated. I am my own person, and your attempt to control who I am can't work. I live my life for me, not to please you."

[princealbertofb]

I have a suspicion that your parents know about you or suspect about you. Your mum seems the easiest person to tell in that case. It's odd how parents seem to think that their children being gay reflects on them as parents. It doesn't. What will reflect on their upbringing is how positive you are, how kind and helpful you are, and other such things. It may be good to reaffirm to your father that what he did the other day was only a rant and that he was lending you acts and intentions that aren't yours. It was unfair and uncalled for. For this you might want to send him an e-mail or leave him a letter explaining who you are (as a decent person). If you are not ready to tell him you're gay, leave that bit out. Just tell him you are well behaved and not interested in doing all the crap he mentioned. It would be nice too for him to be able to understand that he's hurt you deeply and that he really ought to apologise for going way over board. You might modestly 'apologise' for creating such a stir in him that he felt he had to go all crazy about a simple earring. You are American, and I suppose you are circumcised. I'd like to take this example to say that he didn't ask you your permission to have you circumcised, if that's what happened. Having your ears pierced was YOUR decision and it's hardly as bad a mutilation as having a circumcision.
I suspect your father doesn't like you getting your independence so much. But like most things, he'll have to adapt, won't he?
Have a little talk about it with your mum first. Ask her what she makes of his reaction to your earrings? It may be the occasion to let her know that what she suspected is true. Give her time to adapt to the news, as it has taken you time to get used to it too... It's only fair. But you are still the same lovable person. Don't forget that.
Take care.

[Blake1122]

I'm sorry buddy! Hang in there. Just because you got your ears pierced does not make you a bad person. obviously you know you don't get into trouble and shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone. Then on the other hand I do know how ignorant and uneducated older folks can be. I grew up with my grandparents and they are old school. I once got my eyebrow pierced(This was when I was 21) and was so scared to show them it made me sick to my stomach. i was never in trouble growing up. I was the type of person you never had to worry about getting into trouble. But I still was scared to show them. My uncle got his ear pierced when he was 19 and my grandpa backhanded him. Sometimes old people are set in their ways and will never change but they should have respect for the choices you make especially now that your a young adult.mile:

[marshlander]

I was going to answer, but PA has saved me the trouble. That is precisely what I would have said, including mentioning the possible mutilation you didn't ask for.

I would agree also with much of what azulai wrote (so much wisdom is there in one so young, young Padawan ), especially that an event like this can shape your relationship with your father for years to come.

If your father is paying your bills, you may need to tread carefully, but if you are financially independent, hold your head (including your pierced ears) high and show him you will not be bullied ... although having backed down once you may have a little ground to make up.

Good luck.

I've been toying with the idea of having my ears pierced for years. In my case it would clearly not be a folly of youth, but I neither do I want it to be an expression of a middle age crisis. However, if I leave it much longer it'll just be seen by my family as proof of senility. :tongue: