Why do men have erections?

[gilhooly]

:mad:My female friend who found it hard to believe I was gay even after I told her I was gay, came back to see me. Despite my vigorois warnings, she has continued to seek sexual advice at the hands of bizarre Catholic priests. Their latest admonition to her was that men have ONLY sexual erections. I asked her what ONLY meant. She said her Catholic priest had told her that men only have erections when they are, you know, horny.:mad:

I told her I always awoke with an erection. She said you mean you sometimes awake with an erection. I said I had awoken with an erection for 65 years which is a lot more often than sometimes. Her priest told her that when men awoke with an erection they were having dirty dreams. I said if your priest always has dirty dreams he is probably dreaming of having sex with altar boys. Stop listening to idiot Catholic priests.:mad:

I said I awake with an erection because i have to pee in the morning. I am not having a gay or a straight erection. I am having a urinary erection. Didn't you ever a 6 year old boy hopping around holding his erection. He is not making sexual advances at anyone. He just needs to pee.:mad:

She is suddenly shocked. You may be right, John. my 6 year old nephew behaves like that. So men get erections for sex and urination. I was getting annoyed at her. Sometimes I get an erection while washing my penis and, no, I am not masturbating myself. It simply starts to harden up. At other times while walking in the park, I sometimes get an erection. And, no, I am not planning to make sexual advances to squirrels, ducks or trees.:mad:

But John you are denying the teachings of the whole Catholic Church. Please tell the whole Catholic Church to kiss my ass. Men often get erections for no other reason than they are in good physical health.:mad:

She asked if she could repeat that to her priest. I watched her write down the words "good physical health" and she promised me she would talk to that goddamn idiot Catholic priest who was talking to her and the other women in her sexual studies seminar being given by imbeciles who have taken a vow of abstinence.:mad:

After 65 years of erections i was at a loss to come up with more than the reasons I thought of. I know I've had over half million erections in that period of time. The next time I see her I would like to give an extensive long list of why guys get erections. With a little luck I would like to meet this priest and suggest that he try removing his head from his ass.:mad:

Give some examples I can shove down his throat about why you got an erection.:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
.

[dfiant]

bumpy car/train rides
high blood pressure
anxiety
excitement
reaction to drugs
bowel movement
riding a bike
sneezing/coughing fit
exercise

[gilhooly]

God bless dfiant:
I knew there were a lot more good reasons. Just before she asked me anout male erections she asked my opinion on menstruation. I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. Finally I said how did your period feel when you were 15. That's brilliant she cried. I never really thought of that. I can't wait to tell my gynecologist about your suggestion. Jeepers guys if I knew what my suggestion was I might make some money from it. She rattles me. But she makes me almost pee. She is so frantic she sounds like a machine gun when she speaks.

What would you call my friend. She is 50. She looks like a 15 year old emo boy. She is completely flat chested except for 2 beautiful nipples. She claims to have brain lesions which hospitals have never found. Her symptoms match every single disease I have ever heard about. She believes she is dating Jesus Christ since I refused to become her boyfriend. When she stops speaking like a machine gun, her words slow down and there is a gap of 3 to 4 seconds between words, She is one of the smartest people I have ever heard and she tries to stick religiously to the truth and science. She is either a perfect pagan. a mental patient or one of the funniest women I have ever met. I am still nervous of her because she invariably accuses all straight guys of making unwanted sexual advances. I find her sexually desirable but I fear she will accuse me of rape or assault. She has no money and can't even cook. At 65 I don't have time for a real love life anymore, She's thrilled by my attention but she seems easily bored.. It's funny pretending to be straight after being gay for 65 years. So many pluses and minuses. I used to mental arithmetic whiz kid. I like explaining what paganism is, I wonder if I can interest her in the occult. Lots of possibilities for someone like me who pretended to be a CIA agent to get a free trip to Brazil. Insanity is what you make of it. Not something to be feared like some people think. God bless me I still have free will.

[Almac]

high blood pressure

Unless you're on a high amount of hypertension medication then a man's erection, becomes more of a floppy experience....!

[marshlander]

Your friend sounds scarily good company, gilhooly. About forty years ago I read a brilliant interview with Yoko Ono. She was talking about how hilarious it was for men to have this thing on the front of their bodies that goes up and down without them having any control over it. She said, "If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself."

I think that observation explains a lot about men

[Drew]

Your friend sounds scarily good company, gilhooly. About forty years ago I read a brilliant interview with Yoko Ono. She was talking about how hilarious it was for men to have this thing on the front of their bodies that goes up and down without them having any control over it. She said, "If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself."

I think that observation explains a lot about men

OMG that's awesome! Gotta love Yoko. :biggrin:

[Drew]

Wow, she's taking sexual advice from Catholic priests? They're not exactly trained medical professionals. These are questions she should be asking her doctor, if she's that curious about them.

Penile erection is the result of an increase in blood flow to the penis, which may or may not include sexual stimulation. This doesn't happen to me much anymore, but I remember when I was 12 or so, I would get an erection in class if we had to sit for too long. It wasn't comfortable, not when you knew the bell would be ringing for next class and you'd have to get up very soon......walking around with an erection would have been pretty noticeable and, yeah, a social death sentence for any 6th grader. Thankfully this doesn't happen to me much anymore.

But you know, it's funny, women never believe the morning wood thing when they first learn about it (I had a convo with two female friends in college who didn't believe it when another guy told them about it, and being their trustworthy male friend I told them, yes, men often times wake up to erections.....I thought it was silly and that it was common knowledge, but then again, not being male themselves, I suppose they wouldn't know about it).

So yeah, erection =/= horny, not in every instance. (And it's possible to be horny and not have an erection....look at the market for Viagra, Cialis, etc)

[odpeople]

i think every male gay or st8 in healthy condition will have erection .. is very normal

[ToddYoung]

I like the suggestion of getting her to talk to a doctor. I mean, who the hell is this priest? The reason some priests become child abusers is because they are repressing their sexuality. Any psychoanalyst will tell you that.

[marshlander]

On the other hand I know of two catholic priests who have had and continue to have a lot more sex than me :redface: One seemed to be very well known in his local gay community and had an intriguing range of contacts for regular orgies.