how to break ice?

[LateBloomer]

firstly- thanks for the replies.

now the general conscensus here is force questiong onto the other guy. but what sort of questions should i ask? if i dig deep i may end up making him remember a bad memory or make him upset. or simply make him feel like im just a moron who wont shut up lol.

Yeah, there's a fine line between being "interested" in someone and being "nosy" or "intrusive".

We should be *respectful* and *sensitive* to other people. If they're just not a very talkative person that should be respected. But if you feel like someone IS interested in talking, well, our favorite subjects are usually ourselves.

It's endearing to show interest in someone else even if they're not talkative.

[bariuke]

How to break ice? Sharp objects usually work for me.

Sincerity is the best thing in my opinion. Trying to act a certain way to make yourself seem cooler or more appealing more often than not is pretty obvious.

And of course, listen more than you talk. People are much more welcoming to people who show an interest in them.

[fredv3b]

now the general conscensus here is force questiong onto the other guy. but what sort of questions should i ask? if i dig deep i may end up making him remember a bad memory or make him upset. or simply make him feel like im just a moron who wont shut up lol.

Stick to general stuff, work, movies, music, the weather, etc. Don't dig deep if he tries to change the subject let him.

P.S. Beware give my success at chatting up guys, you should take my advice with a large pinch of salt

[zeon]

Hello,
The best way to do it is to pretend that you have known them for ages... Your like me and new people brings barriers and these barriers you need to console to bring down... Dont let nerves get in the way all the time and just brush up on charisma..... Overtime your find as you get older your be more freer on speech i used to think to myself... I am a product and i want that person to buy me.... Once bought im kept as theirs

Kindest regards

zeon x

[Craig]

How to break ice? Sharp objects usually work for me.

These work just as good, love me some ice breakers :biggrin:

[princealbertofb]

I think, as Pix put it, it's a question of knowing how to volunteer a little information about yourself, but not so much as to sound full of yourself, and then bouncing back from what someone has said... so the trick, I guess, in showing interest is actually to rephrase, or rephrase partly what the other person said, so you can volunteer a little more about yourself and then add a question (a genuine question will be better received). You can also admit to being a bit nosey, and remind the person that it's perfectly OK for them not to answer if it feels like an invasion of privacy or to feel free to shut you up.

We are assuming here that the person does indeed want a conversation. It is clear that you won't get someone to speak who does not want to have a conversation. So don't force it.

If in a bar, getting someone a drink can be a starter. "Can I get you a drink? What will it be?" then maybe, something like: "I'm going to have such and such, (if they can't decide), would you like the same thing?". It does help to show that you are not too indecisive and that you are confident. Confidence is generally sexy. More so than people who can't make up their minds, so it might be good to have a bit of the lead here.

"I'm a bit hungry, I think I could go for ..... Are you hungry? Would you like to share a ... / some ... with me?"
or

"I quite like going to the cinema. I saw ..... Right now they're showing ..... I'd quite like to go? Would you like to go with me?"

"I'm a swimmer, I go to the swimming pool twice a week. Are you a swimmer? Would you like to come with me on .... ? Well, if you can't on ...., what about .... ?" Accept to take NO as an answer.

Accept to do something that they like even if it's not completely your cup of tea, and maybe be in the mindset that it'll be a new experience for you and that you're going to enjoy it, because you're doing it with someone you want to be with. You might, indeed, enjoy it. I'd say that, that way, you get to see what makes them tick. For example, accept to go and see an action film if it's not quite your thing. Be open to the film and its message so you can at least discuss points that you found good about it or interesting or controversial, if they enjoyed it. If both of you thought it was crap, then you can agree and not feel bad about it.

Good luck...

[marshlander]

... If in a bar, getting someone a drink can be a starter. "Can I get you a drink? What will it be?" then maybe, something like: "I'm going to have such and such, (if they can't decide), would you like the same thing?". It does help to show that you are not too indecisive and that you are confident. Confidence is generally sexy. More so than people who can't make up their minds, so it might be good to have a bit of the lead here.

"I'm a bit hungry, I think I could go for ..... Are you hungry? Would you like to share a ... / some ... with me?"
or

"I quite like going to the cinema. I saw ..... Right now they're showing ..... I'd quite like to go? Would you like to go with me?"

"I'm a swimmer, I go to the swimming pool twice a week. Are you a swimmer? Would you like to come with me on .... ? Well, if you can't on ...., what about .... ?"

I guess it depends on prevailing customs and attitudes where you are, but I would be wary of using any of these approaches too soon. I might make an exception for the drink if the other person was on his own and the bar was very quiet (as is often the case - apart from the gentle thrum and bomp of techno - in the pub I use).

PA, lover, do you think you should be suggesting to ManicLewis21 that he should be trying to get his target's clothes off quite so soon?