First time comming out Check... Failure?

[Aester]

Well... Today I went out the closed to 1 person, the guy that i Though would be least judgmental at that point. Started out like a normal day, i came to his house and played some X-box. We discussed something and i was spontaneously i just told him

''We are almost as close as brothers man, and i love you as a bro, but I do not want to hold any secrets any more... I do not want this to effect our friendship for a bit and if we are that close it should mater. I have always seen you as the accepting one. I can't hide it, anyways not from you. {Anonymous}... I... am actually Bi, or gay. I DO NOT want us to change, i need you as a friend, i just need to get it off my chest''

I wasn't sure what flew into me but it felt good getting it out for the moment. He stared at me sarcastically and started to laugh after a while. I was ratter confused at this point and he stopped laughing after a while and asked ''...W-w-wait... this wasn't a joke? your gay?''. After it he made an unidentified facial expression, I got very nervous after that so I just nodded.

I stepped asides from him and he turned his face to the TV and shut it down. He just stared at it. The silence lasted 30 minutes, maybe more but i left after that. The only thing said was easy questions and answers like Y:TV? X: No. Y:Beer? X:No.
It was kind of freaking me out so I left eventually. Can't stop thinking of it, i regret it tough :frown: . How should I take his response? He was clearly in denial first and was chocked.

[dfiant]

Yeah, I agree. He is just in shock so give him some space and let him come to you.

[zeon]

Hello,
When you first tell someone you are gay the shock does set in and to be honest give him time.... If this is a friendship that is ment to last he will come round or as he gets older he will realise his naive ways and remember you as someone who he brushed aside and judged when not meaning to.... l would recommend maybe now finding time to move one step further and telling other people to see the reaction.... You seem to want to just get it out off your chest and be free which is natural and understanding and my advice is.... Grab whatever happens grab it by the horns and go with the flow some will be good some will be bad it happens to us all no matter where you are in the world.... Even a gay city like mine with 55,000 gay residents ive experienced people go cold on me and to be honest i thought... Bothered?

Kindest regards

zeon x

[marshlander]

Sorry to hear your first experience went like this. I hope he gets over himself soon and you can pick up your friendship again.

[princealbertofb]

No, Aester, I don't think you should think of it as a mistake... You did well. You said all the right things, and mentioned that you still needed his friendship. Obviously he will need to reassess what it is that you mean to him, and since it has taken you time to come to terms with the reality of your sexual orientation, then it will take him time to adjust too. I hope that you will be able to talk to him again soon and to maybe joke about it. Maybe he felt really foolish about laughing at you before realising that you were serious. Maybe he also knows how difficult it is to say something so intimate, so give him a little time. Text him, if you can, to ask if he's alright, and if he needs time to come to terms with this new reality. If he decides that he can no longer hang out with you, then it's his loss.... Hopefully, he'll realise that it doesn't change a thing between you and you can still get on like brothers.
Good luck.

[princealbertofb]

Oh, and one more thing, Aester.... I am PROUD of you!!!!

[pellaz]

mention he is the first friend you told.

[Aester]

I realized after this that I wasn't ready to come out after the closet yet... but i took the first step atleast. I shall give him sometime, Just hoping he will accept it. Thanks for the replies anyways mile:

[red06sc]

i really dont understand why the words "im gay" is such a big deal. why cant people just say ok and move on.

[Inchante]

Aester, there could have been many things going on in his mind at the time and probably were. He didn't kick you out, he offered you a beer and asked if you wanted to watch T.V.

As others have said, shock is likely the reason for his silence. He maty have even been waiting for you to say more. In either case it became uncomfortable to both of you.

That doesn't mean that your relationship with your friend has changed, it just means that it was a rather new experience for both of you.

Best of Luck