Is It Okay to Flirt with a Colleague?

[princealbertofb]

Jay, like Marshlander, I would urge caution here, but for the reason that most people who've answered you here don't live in Malaysia and have no idea what the atmosphere is like for that sort of things in KL... Please, don't take this as a negative, but just bear in mind that most of us will be giving advice on the basis of what we know is acceptable in western countries. Adapt it to your particular social circumstances. But please don't give up just because of that. I just think you are probably the better judge of what's safe and what's not.

[Jay]

Jay, like Marshlander, I would urge caution here, but for the reason that most people who've answered you here don't live in Malaysia and have no idea what the atmosphere is like for that sort of things in KL... Please, don't take this as a negative, but just bear in mind that most of us will be giving advice on the basis of what we know is acceptable in western countries. Adapt it to your particular social circumstances. But please don't give up just because of that. I just think you are probably the better judge of what's safe and what's not.

PA, I understand. As much as Malaysia has progressed in terms of accepting homosexuality, it is still taboo and unacceptable to majority of the public.

So far I'm fortunate as all of my friends and colleagues do not have problem to accept my sexuality. We are very open to each other.

My straight male and female friends/colleagues like to discuss about gay sex/finding me a boyfriend/matching me up with a guy everyday. My boss knows that I'm gay and she's very protective with my safety. My straight male manager wants me to buy me uh, dildo for Christmas present so I can 'warm up' myself. They were the ones who originally suggested me to use Grindr on the first place. We are very close and intimate with each other. .

One of my Aussie clients and his wife just found out that I am gay and they don't have problem with it.

All the guys that approached/approaching me were/are non Muslims. Majority were/are British and American with few Chinese guys. There are two Muslim guys that do show their interests toward me but I try to 'avoid' their flirts. I know it sounds shallow but they aren't out. From what they have told me, they are comfortable to stay in their straight masks. Gay sex/romance at the back. I'm sorry but I can't accept that.

[ZackT]

Flirt away. If he likes it, then why not?

[Jay]

And it has begun.

I received additional motivation and encouragement from my other colleagues. One of my colleagues, Edmund asked me to accept his dare. He dared me to ask that guy's name, get his number and ask him out. All these need to be done before I Nov 2011.

If I do not complete the so called mission, I will have to date one of the office building's security guards.

I was reluctant to accept his dare. But Edmund told me that his dare was meant to push me to be more confident and aggressive. He said this is necessary as I don't have a lot of experience with guys. Edmund is straight as hell but I love to ask for advice on flirting. relationship and related from him. He doesn't mind.

I understood and agreed.

I purposely stood outside of my office after I saw him walked past by my office. He was heading to the men's room. I acted like I was waiting for an elevator.

Then he showed up.

"Heyyyy...you just moved to the 27th floor, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, my name is XXX etc." He replied.

We shook hands.

"My name is ... (I forgot my own name for a few seconds) ... Jay!"

Then we had a quick chat.

But I didn't ask him out. I'll do it on next Monday.

Holy, I am slightly nervous and excited.

[Uke]

Well I think it is. If it serious, that is. Because relationships with boss and co-workes and colleagues should remain either formal or friendly, not romantic in any deeper meaning than for joke's sake

[Jay]

Well I think it is. If it serious, that is. Because relationships with boss and co-workes and colleagues should remain either formal or friendly, not romantic in any deeper meaning than for joke's sake

I understand your point. It has a risk. A huge risk, as a matter of fact. But I've decided to take the risk, Uke. Good or bad it is still an experience. I can only learn and improve myself from experience.

Another thing is I've passed/avoided so many guys and opportunities in the past due to lack of confidence, experience etc. It needs to change now. As my friend named Edmund pointed out on last Thursday, I need to choose either to be an achiever or a daydreamer.

Good or bad, wish me luck, Uke.

Oh yeah, as I've previously mentioned, I'm going to ask him out on next week. Just to grab a bite during lunch time. Casually. Not a date. I'll take it slowly. :biggrin: Again wish me luck and hope I will not pee in my pants whilst asking him out.

[Uke]

I understand your point. It has a risk. A huge risk, as a matter of fact. But I've decided to take the risk, Uke. Good or bad it is still an experience. I can only learn and improve myself from experience.

Another thing is I've passed/avoided so many guys and opportunities in the past due to lack of confidence, experience etc. It needs to change now. As my friend named Edmund pointed out on last Thursday, I need to choose either to be an achiever or a daydreamer.

Good or bad, wish me luck, Uke.

Oh yeah, as I've previously mentioned, I'm going to ask him out on next week. Just to grab a bite during lunch time. Casually. Not a date. I'll take it slowly. :biggrin: Again wish me luck and hope I will not pee in my pants whilst asking him out.

I wish you the very best of luck, Jay ^^ I hope you know what you're doing. But if you want to be casual about approaching him, you must act normal! And it's very hard to act normal if you have butterflies in your stomach.

And as you suggested, I wish you the best of luck again!

[Jay]

LOL All I can say is good luck! Let us know on Monday what he says. I bet he accepts a date with you. You have a lovely speaking voice. He just HAS to say yes! :biggrin:

Well update.

I didn't see him on Monday.

But he was around today.

5.40 pm - I was talking to my boss, Felicia outside of our office. She was waiting for an elevator to go home. Then Mr.X and his colleague walked past us. They were heading to the men's room. Both of them said hi to me. I grinned and showed them a peace symbol via my left hand.

My boss looked at me with a puzzled look. She whispered, "Peace symbol? Jay, you can do better than showing a peace symbol to that guy."

"I wasn't planning to. It was a spontaneous gesture..silly one, I know." I said to her.

15 minutes later, Mr. X walked past my office again. I called his name.

"Yo...!" He replied.

Okay Jay, ask him to go out. Ask him to go out. Ask him to go out. I kept telling myself. I can do this!

"Hey, did you know that I lost my Iphone? So you better watch your things in your office!" I sputtered. Uh, that wasn't the question that I supposed to ask him.

"Really? In your office?"

We then continued to chat about my Iphone. Our conversation was interrupted by a phone call for me. Darn.

6 pm and I was ready to go home. Another colleague of mine, Sheron suggested me to wait for Mr. X outside of our office as Mr.X was preparing to go home as well. The idea was to share an elevator with Mr.X. Alone. Roar.

I agreed.

Sheron wasn't able to go home yet as she was waiting for a phone call from her client. She accompanied me whilst I was waiting for Mr.X.

Then we heard Mr.X's voice coming out from his office.

"Is that his voice?" Sheron asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ready. My body is ready!!! Sort of" I joked.

Mr.X appeared but unfortunately he wasn't alone. He was with one of his female colleagues.

"Way to spoil the chance..." Sheron muttered.

Next time I guess.

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Oh boy, I only have 4 days left to ask him out. Tomorrow is public holiday so I will only going to see Mr.X on next Thursday.

[Rainbowmum]

You can do this Jay , I have complete confidence in you.
Deep breath and ask him out for coffee.

[BinarySurfer]

Good luck man!