Dealing with stupid questions & assumptions‏

[Pix]

I've been getting private mails (on another board) by an author asking questions about lesbians, after I let it slip that I was a lesbian. He's not that bad (though a tad annoying) but it got me to remembering all the stupid questions and assumptions I've had to deal with in the past. I think one of the most common assumptions is that I don't like men at all and could never have a healthy relationship with them, when I'm close to many men (some who know my orientation and some who don't), and I think being a lesbian actually makes it easier to get along with men without the sexual tension messing it up.

Some questions and assumptions I just find annoying, like the assumption that I just need to find the right man to turn straight (which is exasperating enough, but even worse when a man claims to BE the right one), to which I often reply they just need to find the right person of the same gender before they come out.

Even more annoying to me is when I'm asked "what lesbians do in bed" (which translates into what do I do in bed, which I personally don't feel like sharing with strangers), though I usually answer this one gracefully (especially if I sense it's genuine curiosity rather than just trying to get a cheap thrill) with "it depends on the lesbians" and when pushed for more details I usually suggest they google a lesbian site (made by lesbians rather than "lesbian porn" made by men for men). If they continue to push I usually end it, and when they do push it then it usually veers into true stupidity (like "why do you like straps if you don't like dick" or "can I watch") to being offensive (showing they believe most to all lesbians conform to offensive stereotypes to even mind boggling tasteless questions like, "can I do you and your girlfriend?"--seriously, I've heard both more than once, and come to think of it it's not only offensive, but a man--one I barely know at that--asking if he can have sex with lesbians also deserves a place in the "truly stupid" column as well).

I've also heard more than one man say "I'm a lesbian in a man's body." I usually respond with something like, "Are you planning on transitioning any time soon?" and invariably have to explain that if he's a lesbian--that is a woman--in a man's body then there's medical procedures for that. :tongue:

The question I find most offensive by far, the one that I've been asked multiple times (I think between 5-10x, and I'm not counting the internet as I tend to think people who ask or assert this online are just being mischievous trolls not worth my attention) and offends me mightily is asking me if I'm a lesbian because I'd been sexually abused by my dad. So far I've refrained (just barely) from asking them very similar questions on what their daddy did to them that they'd assume my daddy must've done something to me. If I ever explode over a question that I've been asked before it will be this one. As a matter of fact, I was NOT sexually abused by my dad, but I know lesbians (and many more who aren't lesbian) who have and I bet this question must upset them even more than it does me. I do not talk to these people, other than maybe to tell them they're really offensive and I want nothing to do with them. :mad:

And in remembering I got to wondering, what idiotic and/or offensive questions and assumptions are gay men, bisexuals of either gender, and transexuals commonly faced with? And how do you deal with it? :confused:

[Thibideau]

My biggest one, when people find out I'm gay I get "Well you don't seem like the gay guys on TV". As if me not acting like a day player on Will & Grace some how makes me less gay. I'll admit I'm not that feminine, but for people to basically flat out doubt what they're hearing because I'm not wearing a pink "Fab-u-lous" tee-shirt really irritates me.

I've also been in an argument where the person said "A woman's body is bueatiful, a mans is not." and I just about died laughing. If Women didn't think men were hot then the human species would've died off a long time ago. So how hard is it to understand that straight women and gay men both find the male body attractive. I really wish people would just attempt to see the other side of the coin sometimes, I really do.

[Inchante]

For some reason I think lesbians tend to get the worst of those questions. I think it has something to do with the male, heterosexual brain being socially programmed to believe that they are entitled to access all female bodies.

I have only occasionally been asked about how gay men have sex, and I agree: it does translate into "what do I do when having sex". The dumbest question for me is, "if gay men like men, why do they sometimes dress up as women? You have to spend all your time trying to describe the difference between culture and sexual attraction. Now, the most annoying question for me is when a woman, sometimes a person you have know for maybe a couple of days at best, says "Hey, if I'm not married by the time I'm (insert age), will you have a baby with me?" I swear if I had a child with every woman who asked me, there would be a score of little Travises running around the country.

I hear where your coming from on the whole lack of sexual tension being an asset in friendships. Most of my best friends have been lesbians and straight women. Though, it can even get a little dubious with straight women sometimes, as I illustrated above.

[James]

It is unfortuate people make asumptions based on nothing, rather than maybe getting some information from books, yes there still out there for those who can read, searching history as all this goes back 100's of years, and to assume gays hate women is just as bad as I have striaght and lesbian friends, a police friend of mine was helping an ambulance crew in a one way alley, when a pizza delivery person came up bhind and started blowing his horn. The officer asked why and he said if he didn't get the pizza to the buyr within 30 minutes he had to pay for it, officers reply was the man having the heart attack was moe important than the pizza, he kept his cool the whole time. Told me later when dealing with people like that usually helps to consider the source. So I guess stupid is in real life too, just like on the internet, just consider the source or imagine a jackhass, burro or such asking the question, James

[Genersis]

*Sigh*
It's the purposely spread anti-homosexual misconceptions that really get my blood boiling as i've recently discovered.:mad:

But meh, i think it would be better if i didn't post that stuff.
Everyone knows the stuff and it'd just make people angry.:redface:

As for how i deal with it.
I tell them it's a misconception spread by people with vile intentions, then get accused of being a brainwashed liberal. Heh.:redface:
(This is on the internet mind.)