Need to express my feelings, no real point in this post

[Aester]

There is no point in this post, I just feel like i need to express my self in any way. The weekend has been rather good in general but also bad. My mothers boyfriends daughters boyfriend got shot and died this Friday, I didn't know him well personally but it has been very sad mood at home, yet we've been doing pretty much things to forget the sorrow like yesterday was the first time i tried French Escargots Provençale (Snails).

Anyhow i just woke up from a bad dream (Which I do not remember now) and I started to think about a girl from my middle school years and earlier. I was never that close to her and I remembered I wasn't that nice to her in junior high and haven't seen her in years. I remembered when i was little i had a huge crush on her and i had hard expressing my emotions and that noone of my friends liked her.

I had hard to feel asleep again and i feel very crappy so I felt the Internet could cheer me up, obviously i popped Facebook up and searched for her name. As i saw her pictures I just started to cry hysterically and tried my best to be silent and not to wake anyone up. There is few things I am proud of and I really regretted that I never took my chance with her since she was even prettier now and my heart became heavy just by looking at her picture. She had a boyfriend from many years back and I do not think she is into me.

I have felt suicidal many times before but now was it worst. I do now know why exactly, I have never though of her in many years and now all out of the sudden I do. It also confused my sexual orientation, I had considered my self as closeted Bi but i had never this strong feelings for anyone and I know for sure that I am also attracted to men.

[LateBloomer]

Just write it all out Aester. It's good to write it down. Life is messy, that's all I know.

Peace.

[Almac]

There is no point in this post, I just feel like i need to express my self in any way.

Aester there is a point for posting your thoughts, not bottling up your feelings is such a good reason, a lot of people bottle up their feelings and become ill or worse.

[dfiant]

More than happy to hear and read your thoughts Aester, It really sounds like you are having a tough time and my heart goes out to you.

Perhaps you saw some of your vulnerabilities in this girl at school and you identified with her, empathised with her. Maybe that is why she seems special to you.

But PLEASE fight those thoughts on suicide...I don't want to have to spend 24 hours ona palne to come over there and put you over my knee ;-)

[Aester]

Aester there is a point for posting your thoughts, not bottling up your feelings is such a good reason, a lot of people bottle up their feelings and become ill or worse.

Yeah that is a reason although, but it wasn't as any other post where you seek for answers

More than happy to hear and read your thoughts Aester, It really sounds like you are having a tough time and my heart goes out to you.

Perhaps you saw some of your vulnerabilities in this girl at school and you identified with her, empathised with her. Maybe that is why she seems special to you.

But PLEASE fight those thoughts on suicide...I don't want to have to spend 24 hours on a plane to come over there and put you over my knee ;-)

I do fight the thoughts everytime yet everytime I do I feel I loose a bit of my sanity as well.

It might be, but I do not know her problems and worries. I feel bad if i did something to hurt her but I do not remember any specific memories of how and when. I talked a lot to her in middle school but nothing ever since.

Although I would like you to come so i got someone to talk things like this with hehehe

[dfiant]

Although I would like you to come so i got someone to talk things like this with hehehe

Hahaha...cheeky man

But I do love the thought of you as my tour guide, I think you would be amazing company if I ever got a chance to visit Sweden.

[Aester]

There is loads to show, Sweden is a big country with loads of contrast From hilly mountain skiing in the north to soft beaches and charming landscape in south. Think you would be a very appreciated company to do so as well with

[princealbertofb]

More than happy to hear and read your thoughts Aester, It really sounds like you are having a tough time and my heart goes out to you.

Perhaps you saw some of your vulnerabilities in this girl at school and you identified with her, empathised with her. Maybe that is why she seems special to you.

But PLEASE fight those thoughts on suicide...I don't want to have to spend 24 hours ona palne to come over there and put you over my knee ;-)

I'm not sure 24 hours would suffice. My assistant came from Sydney recently and it took her 34 hours and two days to come over here. On a lighter note, I'm sure Aester would not like you to spank him.... however meaningful. Maybe a cuddle would be more in order.mile:

[pellaz]

I had considered my self as closeted Bi but i had never this strong feelings for anyone and I know for sure that I am also attracted to men.

let your self enjoy the people around you. love everybody i a different way. i think you care more about people than you choose to admit.

some nights i hold my partner tighter, i know both of us are awake. we are all codependent.

[dfiant]

I'm not sure 24 hours would suffice. My assistant came from Sydney recently and it took her 34 hours and two days to come over here. On a lighter note, I'm sure Aester would not like you to spank him.... however meaningful. Maybe a cuddle would be more in order.mile:

Gawd, in this day and age it's so close yet so far. 34 hours over 2 days travelling, might be quicker to swim and walk

Of course, cuddles would be in order as well.