Ace

[Anonymous]

I came out just over four years ago as gay and now I kind of need to do it again. I thought it was pretty simple, and that there was just straight, gay, lesbian, bi, transgender/transsexual and questioning/queer but I've been training to counsel LGBTQ people and I came across advice for people who are asexual or nonsexual. I identified with the articles and information a lot, and looking at my life I haven't ever enjoyed sex, I rarely ever even speak to people I've slept with afterwards. I guess what I'm saying is I'm all most 100% sure I'm asexual, what I'm worried about is coming out (again).
Coming out as gay was difficult, but homosexuality had been recognised as socially acceptable back then, just with less media attention than it's got now and it turned out better than I expected. I'm worried that people will think I'm plain weird for not wanting sex, I have told two friends from home so far and they both took it well, however I also told my flat mates at uni and their first reaction was to laugh (possibly because I have a bit of a reputation for sleeping around) even when I tried to explain it, I'm just not quite sure they all get it, apart from one of them who is a really lovely person, she apologised for laughing and actually tried to give me some counsel.
The person I'm most worried about telling is my mum, and I'm not quite sure why. She was accepting when I came out as gay, and as far as I see it I'm still gay, I just don't have sex now. I guess it's the same thing as with my friends, I'm worried she'll think I'm weird, even though that's a silly thing to think about my mum, her and I have a really good relationship.

[princealbertofb]

I'm sensing, anonymous that you are not quite happy with not wanting sex. I'm sure your mother won't care whether you have sex or not but what she will care about is whether you're happy. I feel your sexlessness as a sort of isolation and a kind of loneliness that could be quite frightening to all of the other gregarious humans. It might also just be that you are a little bit tired of all the sleeping around you've done and need a break for a while, until something more meaningful happens.
My last feeling is that you are suffering, maybe, a mild form of depression and that it's making you asexual. It might be a good idea to discuss your lack of desire with your doctor, as maybe it is the sign of some hormonal imbalance? I don't know, since I'm not a doctor. But the reason I'm concerned is because you're finding it important enough (so worrying enough to you) to write to us about it. I don't know if there's any other way we can help.
Take care of yourself.
PA

[zeon]

My motto is.... If its not broken why fix it??? Asexual people dont need to come out they can still be deemed as gay just saves telling your family your not planning on having a shag ever again....

[Anonymous]

PA, I'm not depressed, or anything like that, I just feel that this is something I've been building up to and having not known too much about it I stayed away from the idea. I have to admit that when I typed that I was a bit unhappy, I had just been talking about it with my flat mates so... meh. I've thought about it and I'm extremely happy, it's like how they talk about growing up and the pieces fall into place and stuff and this feels like somthing I've been missing out. Also I do still want a relationship, just no sex, so it's not much of a change.
Zeon, I thought about not telling my mum and that seems weird to me, I tell my mum everything. She's my Oprah I will tell her, it just depends on how soon, the only time I'm going to see her before Christmas is in two or so weeks. Either I'll tell her then or it'll be after Christmas.
I think that's all that I need to say on the matter, I seriously don't feel like a change has happened in anything but my understanding.

[Anonymous]

I might even delete this thread, I'm much happier than I was when I wrote that, thanks though guys

[princealbertofb]

Good, then, anonymous... Hope your mum is fine with your news.