I have reason to believe that being Gay, and coming out to him would drive a stake between my brother and I.....I warn you...this may seem maudlin, and histrionic, but it is SINCERE to my heart....here it is.....
My younger brother is my WHOLE WORLD....nothing else in my life comes CLOSE to having the privilege of being his BIG BROTHER....:biggrin: I'm so proud of him everyday, so seeing his frown KILLS me....he thinks that most gay men are effeminate, lacking where men "gain"....It KILLS me to know that his older brother, the guy he looks up to (if only in a small way) is gay.....These feelings have driven me to the brink before.......to suicide.......The idea of me being so selfish as to leave him behind in THIS world sickens me....His love ALONE, was the only thing that pulled me away from the edge of the blade, SOO many times before; sickened with such a selfish course of action, From that day forward, I've DEDICATED myself, to finding the resolve, and NEVER falling short, of being the brother he DESERVES; to be the influence, and support he needs...
Just being his older brother is too great a feeling!  mile:; he AMAZES me with his often simple, yet, succinctly placed judgements, and outlooks on life; He sees more of it than he knows, and I nudge him every-so-often to see if he's "awake" yet and acknowledging his potential.... mile:
He brings out the very best instincts to protect, and lead in me....he's younger, and I'd be lying to say that I didn't get off on the idea of being the "brainy big bro" not to flaunt it, but I love when he needs me.....makes me feel more closer to him, like I've got ONE MORE THING to leave him.....like our time will go on.....
He brings out the deepest, and most powerful instincts in me to protect, and keep a watchful eye over him, and to knock the head off the shoulders of anyone who would hurt him; what a fool to do that...  What I'm saying here is, he's the source of my courage, my desire to know everything around me, to pass it on to him, to prepare him for whatever comes his way.
Even if we are only a year apart, even if we're like night and day, If I lost my day, my night could NEVER really exist after that......because I could never find my way out of the night....if I lost everything else in the world, so be it; I can HONESTLY say that; that little jerk is my WHOLE world....I refuse to loose him....I would loose my will to fight....the resolve to draw breath would leave me....He's not homophobic, but the idea doesn't settle well with him, and I can expect no different, as the idea doesn't rest on me too easily either.....:frown:
How, HOW can I hold onto him....? How can I choose this Life, or ANYTHING over HIM? NOTHING could be worth loosing him! I HONESTLY would rather go on struggling, than to loose him entirely....how can I reconcile these two very reluctant forces? My questionable sexuality, and the relationship that I have with my brother; They have no COMMON ground....which could be the beginning of something new all together...Either way...I refuse, REFUSE to go on with this if it means loosing him....embracing a life that has no him in it, isn't worth it....Help....I'm DEEPLY troubled over this....
Any holes in my understanding are subject to EVERYONE'S information, and beliefs....I just need to get through this.....thank you all.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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How 's about you think this way: if you come out to your brother, he would learn the lesson from his brother that a man shouldn't have to lie about who he is?
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Ouch! Nice one! lol What by the way makes you think I'm lying? I said I love my brother, MORE than any man THAT'S for certain....I think I said that actually to some degree/effect in my opening thread....
None of the feelings I've ever had for men were substantiated, reciprocated, or developed beyond anything quite more than a thorn in my side to be frank....I have many doubts....doubts compound the issue of my sexuality by making it rather obscure; we're not looking at this as I'm a CONFIRMED gay man, but one that places HEAVY emphasis on the speculation that I may be gay.
But I don't want to lie to him either....I just don't want to hurt him.... Are you a big brother? Did you ever see that look of complete, and total shock, and disillusionment, and worse yet, DISAPPOINTMENT in your younger siblings eye? Did you ever see that when you came out to him?
If you are an older bro, I hope you NEVER see it....it can mess you up; if you're not they type of guy who's narcissistically hung up on yourself, and is genuinely caring about things going on around you, instead of WHAT'S/WHO'S inside of you, it can REALLY hurt...I'm facing potentially loosing my brother....my buddy from the SAME bosom....lol
Idk....maybe I care too much? Maybe I shouldn't? Maybe I should take a big steamy crap on our relationship, and tell him "I'm here, I'm Queer, Get Used to It!" lol ugh....
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As well as using yourself as an example ,perhaps you can use Alexander the great as an example .
I am pretty sure he was not considered effeminate.
May I ask you to consider one thing . How would you feel if it were he that was gay and he already prejudged as not understanding?
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Well, I consider hiding about your sexual orientation and your feeling as lying.
And I am not an older brother but a younger brother. And I do love my older brother too. That is how I know whatever my brother becomes won't change my love for him. I don't really care if he is queer, drug addict, or whatever. But I would admire him more if he would be the man who can always be honest about who he is.
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If you are still questioning your sexuality, your brother maybe the friend you need to help you find the answers, so you can both learn from each other.
It is beautiful the way your describe your brother and the relationship and bond between you, it's so strong that I believe it would be tough one to break.
I'm an older brother so I can relate. I had tortured myself in coming out to him, thinking the worst, planning for the worst. He was living in Japan at the time so I had to do it over the phone, the conversation went something like this.
ME : You might want to sit down, I have something big I need to tell you.
BRO : Fuck, who has died?
ME : No one.
BRO : Whi IS dying, is mum ok?
ME: no one is dying, no one is sick, everything is fine. I just need to tell you something about me. I'm gay.
BRO : *silence* (I felt like throwing up) I'm waiting for it.
ME : That's it, that's all I have to say.
BRO: You're kidding, that's it. You're a fucking idiot if you thought for a second that would change anything.
Sorry about the language, but that was pretty much what was said.
Bottom line, a brothers love is stronger than anything you could imagine.
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Does your being gay change anything about your relationship, besides your little brother's fucked up expectations? No.
So continue being the big bro that your little bro has come to know and love...and he will come around. It might take years...but he will. But only if you refuse to give up on him.
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Your brother has been exposed to a stereotype. The choice is ultimately yours, but if you are close with a shared location, shared friends, etc, it'd be best to tell him before he finds out some other way. Should you come out to him, it will take him time. Just as you may have struggled to accept who you are - I know I struggled a bit before admitting the truth to myself - so will he struggle. That doesn't mean you'll lose him. It just means he needs to come to terms with it in his own way - to see that you are the same brother he has loved and that nothing about you or your demeanor has changed.
If you don't come out to him, then what? Do you spend the rest of your life alone? It'd be unfair to try and pretend to be straight; to lie to whoever you'd end up with going down that path. And it'd be unfair to you to never experience love. As close as you and your brother are, what happens when he becomes busier with career and kids down the road?
My situation is a bit different as I had sisters and was not as fearful to tell them, but the reaction was not as positive as I'd hoped. They still loved me, but they didn't understand... things like that it's not a choice; how could I know without being with girls; etc. They didn't want people in our hometown to find out. My younger sis once cried that she didn't think it was fair for children of gays (though I don't have any and hadn't brought it up), because the children didn't have a choice - she didn't understand. But they always kept loving me, as I imagine your brother would you, and have come to better understandings. Recently my older sister saw a repeat of 'Prayers for Bobby' on Lifetime, and apologized to me. It's amazing how something like that can help a person think in a new way. And even before that, I know she'd come to see that I was still me, that I was a great uncle to her daughters, that I wasn't going to change my mind and was indeed gay.
Good luck to you.
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OsirisGuy23 Wrote:I have reason to believe that being Gay, and coming out to him would drive a stake between my brother and I.....I warn you...this may seem maudlin, and histrionic, but it is SINCERE to my heart....here it is.....
My younger brother is my WHOLE WORLD....nothing else in my life comes CLOSE to having the privilege of being his BIG BROTHER....:biggrin: I'm so proud of him everyday, so seeing his frown KILLS me....he thinks that most gay men are effeminate, lacking where men "gain"....It KILLS me to know that his older brother, the guy he looks up to (if only in a small way) is gay.....These feelings have driven me to the brink before.......to suicide.......The idea of me being so selfish as to leave him behind in THIS world sickens me....His love ALONE, was the only thing that pulled me away from the edge of the blade, SOO many times before; sickened with such a selfish course of action, From that day forward, I've DEDICATED myself, to finding the resolve, and NEVER falling short, of being the brother he DESERVES; to be the influence, and support he needs...
Just being his older brother is too great a feeling! mile:; he AMAZES me with his often simple, yet, succinctly placed judgements, and outlooks on life; He sees more of it than he knows, and I nudge him every-so-often to see if he's "awake" yet and acknowledging his potential....mile:
He brings out the very best instincts to protect, and lead in me....he's younger, and I'd be lying to say that I didn't get off on the idea of being the "brainy big bro" not to flaunt it, but I love when he needs me.....makes me feel more closer to him, like I've got ONE MORE THING to leave him.....like our time will go on.....
He brings out the deepest, and most powerful instincts in me to protect, and keep a watchful eye over him, and to knock the head off the shoulders of anyone who would hurt him; what a fool to do that... What I'm saying here is, he's the source of my courage, my desire to know everything around me, to pass it on to him, to prepare him for whatever comes his way.
Even if we are only a year apart, even if we're like night and day, If I lost my day, my night could NEVER really exist after that......because I could never find my way out of the night....if I lost everything else in the world, so be it; I can HONESTLY say that; that little jerk is my WHOLE world....I refuse to loose him....I would loose my will to fight....the resolve to draw breath would leave me....He's not homophobic, but the idea doesn't settle well with him, and I can expect no different, as the idea doesn't rest on me too easily either.....:frown:
How, HOW can I hold onto him....? How can I choose this Life, or ANYTHING over HIM? NOTHING could be worth loosing him! I HONESTLY would rather go on struggling, than to loose him entirely....how can I reconcile these two very reluctant forces? My questionable sexuality, and the relationship that I have with my brother; They have no COMMON ground....which could be the beginning of something new all together...Either way...I refuse, REFUSE to go on with this if it means loosing him....embracing a life that has no him in it, isn't worth it....Help....I'm DEEPLY troubled over this....
Any holes in my understanding are subject to EVERYONE'S information, and beliefs....I just need to get through this.....thank you all.
First thing that popped into my head (a little Shakespeare).
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
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I found out about my brother was through my mother.
The way she informed me (us, other people were around) was in one of her screaming fits where along with F***T many other succulent words were used.
Devastated? Sort of, kind of... but then I found out he was a F***T long before I found out he was gay.
I was pretty 'tense' about the whole gay thing myself. I verbally bashed homosexuals, proclaimed them to all be sissies, and shivered way back in the back of my closet for years.
Had my brother come out to me in private, I most likely would have come out MY closet years earlier in a safe way instead of being yanked kicking and screaming out of my closet when my step father 'heard word' and made it into a experience in horror and shame.
And that was the same day my brother found out that I was gay.... he regretted until his dying day the ways all of that turned out.
I suppose like you he was trying to keep me safe, but ultimately his staying in the closet didn't save me from nothing, if anything it made things worse.
I do not know if your brother is gay, its possible. If he is, and is hiding in his closet, you might actually be an inspiration and be able to hold out a welcoming hand for him.
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