Yeah the attitudes in the gay community can be so pathetic and sad that its crazy to want to have anything to do with it. Other guys will look down upon someone because they are a sissy, a fem, bottom, a twink. I mean really? You don't like someone because they are a young gay guy and just might not be the same as you? Wow that is rather sad. Yeah I might not want a relationship with a younger guy but I am not going to be a complete dick just because he is younger than me. Yet on the flipside I love how some so called twinks think that all older guys are into them, its like don't flatter yourself kid, lol.
Yet it seems like more games and BS are within the gay community than the straight community in my opinion, just seems like if you are not good looking enough then you aren't up to par to some peoples expectations. Or if you are too straight or to gay and blah blah blah. I went to a gay bar when I first came out and a guy asked me what I was doing there and I asked what he meant and he said the straight bars are down the road. I just looked at him and told him to get away from me. I am not sure if that was his pick up line or what or if I was just so used to those straight bars before I came out that I just didn't want to deal with the guy.
I just feel like that we should embrace people more than judge them like we do. God I have never seen so many cliques at a gay bar since high school. If you don't fit into a specific group then you are an outkast looking in. Yet for me I really don't want to be in a group because I try and be open to everybody, my biggest issues to date is trying to accept Drag Queens more because for some reason they have always freaked me out. I just don't get pleasure from seeing a drag show and my attitude towards them sometimes really sucks but I am working on it.
I wonder if anyone on the board read an article printed in the NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE around July of this Year entitled "My EX-Gay Friend". It was written by a man who worked for a gay magazine with his friend who one day decided we wanted to be straight. The friend moved to a western state so he could live the straight life. His friend interview him and wrote the article.
There were over 200 related comments... some of which really hit home. Some people, no matter what their sexual orientation like to hide behind their computer screens and make hateful comments. I couldn't believe the hostility concerning this guy's attempt to "become" straight from gay commentators. Funny how everyday we hear about individuals discovering they have "feelings" for the same sex and the LGBT community is arms out accepting. What if someone discovers he has hetero feelings? SOME of the LGBT community goes balistic!
One person commented she was in a gay relationship with a woman for many years and decided she wanted to have a family. She is married to a man, has several children and is happy. She has lost ALL of her gay friends and the hate coming from some of them she said was overwhelming..... worse than the hate some heteros have for gay people.
So yes, I feel the same as OsirisGuy, we HAVE to do better.
I think it's just human nature. For example, in the Bible Belt the various denominations hated each other, and constantly criticized even members of their own denominations. People in the suburbs feel a need to "keep up with the Joneses." Geeks who face a lot of shunning will treat each other viciously over differences in taste (such as Star Trek vs Star Wars, or even ST:TOS vs ST:TNG). And I could go on. Why should we be any better? (Well, yeah, we SHOULD be, but so should everyone else!)
I've noticed a lot of cliques among lesbians as well, and it's easy to get shunned by them. But I guess I didn't notice it that much (as annoying as it could be) because I've seen girl cliques shun other girls who didn't live up to their exacting standards since elementary school.
And on that note, just for fun, here's a song I think holds a lot of truth....the first one just the song with lyrics and the second one being the same song set to a cartoon called Kim Possible (I have it on one of my YT playlists) for those who'd rather see a cartoon rather than reading the lyrics:
How many straight people are hauled off against their will to 'Gay Camp' where the programs are designed to reinforce that straight is wrong and a sin and that the person must be gay?
Gays on the other hand have been hauled off and brainwashed, some against their will. Further back the 'treatment' was electroshock therapy.
Thus when confronted with a closeted hetero sexual, many of us are going to suspect that this is one of those "pray the gay away" type deals and not really that person with a serious question about their nature.
LGBT have been programmed as much (perhaps more) as Christian Fundamentalists are programmed. A lot of the self hate we have for ourselves as individuals and as a community is largely transposed onto us through years of per-community brainwashing.
Like it or not we are all products of our childhood. Yes its easy to say 'grow up and forget it' but that childhood is our basic programing and we adopt habits and characteristics that we carry to the grave. while the programing we receive in our childhood may not be totally intolerant by our parents, we are faced with school and the popular use of words and profanities that make it clear that 'gay is bad', with many students even saying that gay sick and needs to be fixed.
We remember the words, and even actions, and we know that there was a push to 'cure' the gay. Once we grow up and accept that we are 'gay', when a gay person suddenly turns straight we are deeply reminded of the years of hatred and the secret (and not so secret) desire of the 'straight world' to make us straight.
Hello,
I totally understand where your coming from... I emerged onto the Brighton gay scene eight years ago at a tender age of 18. I was new nervous and very very frightened in a way but i had to build my confidence up and just as i built it to a certain degree because i came from a family which is on the poverty sort of boarder i shopped in a cheap clothes store known as primark... I got judged by several people who were in their late 20's and early 30's. I didnt have contact lenses back then and only my bins and to be told you look like a cheap skank is offensive... I got so upset by this it took me ages to venture out again.
I have witnessed other gay men put one another down a typical gay man tries to out do another gay man by saying i got a house with three bathrooms and a room for a pony whereas other gay men then respond to this by stating well ive got a yacht in the marina.... How bloody fake and boring trying to big themselves up... Why not just be pleased for what someone has achieved in life whether its a friend foe or lover? I see all the time despite us being a discriminated part of society we have to discriminate against those less fortunate to ourselves??? I have however taken the mature approach and congratulated people on getting their three bathroomed house and room for a pony with a big fuck off bull shitty yacht in the marina and not tried to out do themselves and when they asked me what ive achieved in comparison ive been honest and upfront... A mortgaged 1 bedroom small flat on the outskirts of town with two beautiful dogs a old banger of a car a cat and a full time job which funds this... I have often admitted i may be in debt of £11,000 but i am a fighter and dont give up or get upset at people trying to outdo me.. If they want to be fake let them be fake because the only person they are bull shitting is themselves... People who judge others I feel sorry for because all they do is spend their days bitching about someone whom they are jelous of... Wars break out in the gay pubs from time to time and even the pubs in Brighton fight against each other instead of working together... I used to have around 50 friends and a mobile filled with contacts and it was brilliant however as time went on 49 of them only wanted one thing.... A quick fuck and go but i didnt give into that shit i just ended the friendship there and said friendships are like plants... If you fuck em up its very hard to bring them back to life...
To members on this site if you see someone sitting alone in a club or a pub why not go and say hello as a friendly gesture....? Sure they might not be someone you may ordinarily hang with however doesnt everyone deserve a friend in life??? The only way this issue of discrimination can be stamped out is through self education... People wont get off their arses and change their ways but if one person started the change then as more people adapt the circle gets bigger. Gay men should work together along side the lesbian community transgendered and bi sexual community and understand that no one in this world is perfect... Everyone has something which others dont agree with so until its figured out its a constant catch 22 if not sorted out...
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