the pain just doesnt stop...

[ManicReptile21]

Reading through your other posts I am going to suggest something that others may not suggest or even strongly oppose my suggesting in the first place.

Stop talking about your sexual orientation "stuff" with your mom. You are not going to win this argument with her, she is not going to change her mind.

Yes I know, it will be hard - very hard. However your mom is forcing you to be the bigger person, which means you will have to resort to being the adult in this relationship.

It means you are going to have to choose to not bring the subject up when ever possible, it also means that you are going to have to figure out 'neutral phrases' to say when the subject hits The Snag.

"I'm going to kill myself." is not a useful argument tool.

Those who take it seriously will have you committed, those who think you are just blowing hot air will turn it against you and hurt you more.

Once an argument starts, there is not real 'winning' in it. Neither party actually wins.

You will not win.

The best you can do is defuse the argument. http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en&...82&bih=661 gives a lot of sites that discuss this issue.

You will also have to learn how to argue using neutral statements/comments/questions.

That one is tricky (I admit it) different people react differently to 'emotionally neutral' phrases. You know your mom and you have some idea what sets her off and what doesn't.

In the case you outlined for this thread, you asked a simple question. SHE over reacted.

The better options would have been to sit there, letting her scream and rant. Nodding and making noised that were not so much in agreement, but signalling her that you are listening to her.

Constructive listening is an art form. It consists of nodding and making other signs that you are listening, and also requires you parroting back what the other is ranting on about once in a while, this way they know you are listening.

However what you parrot back has to be picked carefully. EXAMPLE if she says 'You are an idiot' parroting back 'you are an idiot' will NOT defuse the situation.

Instead of accusing 'You don't care about me' you could have asked nicely, 'When would be a good time to talk about this.'

Not only does this keep her back on track with the subject you want her to think about, it also tells her that yep, you just listened to every word she said, thus now you are taking her 'side' and attempting to work with her needs/schedule.

In such circumstances you can think anything you want however keep most of those thoughts to yourself.

From what you wrote I saw that both of you keep on dredging up everything and using it as part of the argument. While you can't keep her from bringing up the past, you can refrain from reminding her that she acts like a 16 year old at every turn.

Stop bringing up the 'sexual orientation' stuff. She will do it, but do not engage her. It is really hard to use these things as weapon on a person who does not act and react to those things being used.

As for this school thing... you might want to just take matters into your own hands, do the research, gather the information and compile it into an 'essay' like presentation.

Then when you and mom are not doing anything, when you are not in a car, when she isn't on the phone, when she isn't in the kitchen approach her.

Asking first, 'Can we talk?' is the best way to start a conversation. Just throwing a question at her will already set the stage of 'this is another argument'.

Then saying 'can you please read this over when you have time?' and handing it to her, will have far more of a positive impact on her willingness. Ordering her, or telling her or just handing it to her expecting her to 'do' what ever you want rarely works.

While you may not be satisfied with a 'win', you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are the more mature party thus you have actually won in many more ways than winning the argument.

As for the sexual orientation stuff as a subject, slowly and steadily disengage from all conversation on the subject.

You are only there for two more years, After that its your body and you can do what you want with it.

Set realistic goals to do whatever it is you want.

i actually kinda agree with this. Let your mother live her lie till the day she dies. I say you never bring it up. and btw, if your mother never cared about you or wanted you or loved you-she would've had your ass aborted the day she found she was pregnant. She gives a damn about you, i mean she has housed you this long. dont let her get to you, shes just trying to change you and make it be in vain. remeber you have only lived a fraction of your life. You'd be surprised what life is going to be like in the next 5 years. Dont push her, dont antagonize her. the moment you get your chance- make a break for it. be proud, and let her see that. dont speak to her. show her with demonstration. That is how to break people, and that is how you create them.

[Robbie]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. Don't give up hope. This is only making you a stronger, better person.

[zeon]

I usually win arguements by doing silent treatments it works a beauty once ya wound someone up just shut up all together and pretend they arent there and they then get stressed out not getting a reaction they want

[oldster]

ok wheni was 15yo i was left by my lover and i felt totaly alone and worthless and i had been bullied in school and the whole 9 yeards(american expression= almost the whole way
ten yardes being the full feild ) so i decited to end it my self but when i got every thing ready i decited thats what they would want and it would just please them so
as not to let them win i stuck around.
Remember your mom is a person too and may be haveing self doubts see hetro parents whitch is most parents of gays not many gay couples concive. so anyway wemaon wrig their hands and wonder if it was something they did or dident do thats responsable for your being or acting diffrently lots of men do too but they let anger in moreand many ttimes theylet their aanger out and against their kids so please think about things from your mothers point of view fustrated not knowing if it's her fault and dosen't have any idea what to do about it So think about this it's your life and you do what you can
to eleveate your problems but remember you will have to lice in this scocity and lern how to get along with theise chuckel heads and 1/10 brained half wits since they are the majority but you can have pleasure in your life just beating them at their own game can be pleasurable just don't let them take away aall your pleasure in life you are young but that too will pass