Looking to come out but where to start?

[chillythoughts]

I want to start coming out but I think I know where to start. my friend who's best friend is gay. I think thats the best start right there. everyone else in my circle I dont know where to start. They all seem to be weird about it. then my family, they are homophobic, so thats harder for me to come out to them.

[kenaboy808]

Id say ur gay friend then the girls then the dudes. Im bi and I have only recently came out as bi to my parents and very close friends. The girls Ive told could care less. Im afraid of what my guy friends will say... Im not feminine at all. If anything I act way more straight than gay, I don't want them thinking I'm gonna change all of a sudden and start acting fem or checking them out..

[jamiebfd]

Come out to the people who mean the most to you.
who you think is important to you.
Its expected that a few people might have a bad reaction at first but dont be put down by it. Once it has sunk in with them they will become more comfirtable with it.
As for family.... you are still their son/ brother. It probs wont affect their love for you.
Usually its all the things that can go wrong which people think about.
Try think of the weight lifted when you tell them.
As the saying go's.... Honesty is the best policy.
They should respect you for being honest with them.

good luck

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Start with the known gay. Then work from there.


Coming out is a 'process' and varies from person to person.

When my brother 'came out'. He exploded out of the closet. He also went from All American boy to flaming queen at the same time..... One day he was wearing jeans, a foot ball jersey, the next he was in super short cut offs and a t-shirt cut so high up to be nearly just a collar and sleeves.

His 'coming out' was a one man party, where he just threw it out there and let the rain of hate fall over him, sort of like wearing aluminum foil and running through a lightening storm. He said "I'm Gay!!!" and let things fall.



I on the other hand did it 'privately' with each parent, taking them aside, sitting them down. The conversation went sort of like this:

Me "I found somebody I really want to spend my life with"

Mom/Dad "That's nice, who is she."

Me: "Ah, um, er... his name is Robert"

Mom "Get the fuck out of my house you son of a bitch"

Dad ---- long pause --- "You know we didn't get as much rain as we needed, I fear the potatoes will be far less than last year".

Understand that people are going to react their own way. Some parents will pause, then let their love of their kid overshadow their 'dislike' of the gay. Others will have no issues with 'the gay' at all, and others will either deny it just happened (and deny any attempts you make to convince them), while others will explode with venom.

I know of guys and gals who came out to stern 'homophobic' parents that went on to have wonderful relationships with their parents. I know others who's parents were all open and tolerant, but just unable accept 'it' in their kid.

Get a friend or two to back you up, some place you can run to for a shoulder to cry on if needed.

[ToddYoung]

Often, when trying to get out of the closet, people become caught up in hangers. You trip on a pair of your mother's stiletto heels, and before you know it, you've fallen through the doors and landed flat on your face with a fox fur in your mouth.
"What the hell are you doing?" your parents might say.
"I've been in the closet."

And then to your friends' closet, your grandma's, your sister's and so on. It's not easy, and if you're a big person it can be harder still. Closets aren't as big as they used to be.

[nomadicgay]

I came out years ago, the reaction I got from family and friends totally blew me away.
Mom- so your gay what's the problem.
My bro has gay friends, he's straight, so didn't give a toss.
My friends aren't that bothered, it's my life and my happiness that's important!mile:

[TySlamma]

I want to start coming out but I think I know where to start. my friend who's best friend is gay. I think thats the best start right there. everyone else in my circle I dont know where to start. They all seem to be weird about it. then my family, they are homophobic, so thats harder for me to come out to them.

Comming out is never easy to do and if done in the wrong way can be catastrophic. Take a look deep inside yourself and make for certain that you know for a fact you are 100 percent gay and can easily speak those words "I'm Gay" without hesitation, having feelings for men and being completely gay is different. If you are ready to come out I would start with your closest friend and sit him/her down and calmy, and without being nervous, tell him/her that you are gay, if he/she is your true friend then they will still be your friend after the "big news". If they aren't and start raising hell then they truely weren't your friends to begin with, after all it is your life and not thiers. Hope this goes well because next it is time to come out to the folks which is never fun and not what every parent looks forward to. I would pick the easiest parent first, be it your mother or father. Sit that parent down and tell them, it is going to be emotional and you will have a lot of questions to answer so be prepared for whatever the outcome may be. Once that is done go on to the other parent and repeat. At the end of the day it is your life and no one can live it for you or change your mind for you, if you are gay then embrace it and never deny who you are deep inside.

[Jay]

Start with people who can truly support and understand your sexuality without prejudice. Announcing your sexuality to people that can support you will build your confidence.

I think your parents should be the last since they are homophobic. Maybe it's even unnecessary to tell them unless they start asking.

[AirBorn]

I have a really good idea.... I know because Wakeboarder tried this today (about being bi sexual). Go to a random book store and go up to a sales person and say "I am gay and looking for books on the subject" or something like that. Doing this should help you take some major baby steps to feeling more comfortable verbalizing your sexuality to others. Good luck and let us know how it goes if you try this.