I feel inferior to boyfriend's ex

[biggie]

Long story short, me and my current bf had a fling/dated for a few weeks and i fell for him badly. He ended up back with his ex and turns out i was a rebound. It really knocked my confidence.

I wasn't nice to him for months until I got over it, i disliked him for the way I was treated. Turned out when I was finally over it we met again through mutual friends, he had left his ex and one thing led to another. he was more level-headed and mature.

We've been together for awhile but i still feel second-best to his ex. Even if he's brought up into a conversation it makes me really insecure. It affects our relationship in certain ways too. I think i'm cold to him affectionately, withdrawn, i pick at every fault and haven't introduced him to my family because i'm scared history will repeat itself.

I never turned off my feelings for him and feel a lot of bitterness because of what happened. He does make me happy and i love him and have never felt so strongly about someone., but i will never trust him 100%. I'm paranoid he's only with me because his ex has moved on. Am i right to still feel bitter? I've talked to him about it briefly and he says it was a mistake but i have doubts.

What should i do. get over being paranoid and bitter or move on?

[DRIMO]

Try not to get your jealousy get the best of you. And give the guy another chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. If he f*cks it up, move on.

[jamiebfd]

Long story short, me and my current bf had a fling/dated for a few weeks and i fell for him badly. He ended up back with his ex and turns out i was a rebound. It really knocked my confidence.

I wasn't nice to him for months until I got over it, i disliked him for the way I was treated. Turned out when I was finally over it we met again through mutual friends, he had left his ex and one thing led to another. he was more level-headed and mature.

We've been together for awhile but i still feel second-best to his ex. Even if he's brought up into a conversation it makes me really insecure. It affects our relationship in certain ways too. I think i'm cold to him affectionately, withdrawn, i pick at every fault and haven't introduced him to my family because i'm scared history will repeat itself.

I never turned off my feelings for him and feel a lot of bitterness because of what happened. He does make me happy and i love him and have never felt so strongly about someone., but i will never trust him 100%. I'm paranoid he's only with me because his ex has moved on. Am i right to still feel bitter? I've talked to him about it briefly and he says it was a mistake but i have doubts.

What should i do. get over being paranoid and bitter or move on?

This is something that i am going through too :0
I was with someone and we split up. I had a fling with someone and then ended up back with my ex. After a while we split up again and through a mutual friend i ended up getting back with the lad i had the fling with. We are still together and he always thinks i still have feelings for my ex which i 100% do not.
I often wonder how i can make him trust me never to do it again and how i can make him sure i do actually love him.
I love him alot more than i ever loved my ex and if i could prove it i would.

If your bf came back to you and admitted he made a mistake then you should try respect that and be glad that he saw the light
I dont think moving on is the answer here. You have him now and you love him so why waste what you have?
Im sure he does love you and from experience im guessing he wishes the same as me, that he could show you that your his man

All the best

[pellaz]

... If your bf came back to you and admitted he made a mistake then you should try respect that and be glad that he saw the light ...

as jamiebfd said "it was his decision to come back to you"

relationships are about communication so would things be better if you talked about it with him? it might take several conversations, often repeating the same thing, kisses and hugs in between.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

This is why I walk away and never go back.

I know that I am 'unable' to forget. Forgive, sure, forget - never.

I also know that with me, I tend to allow the past to shape my perceptions of the present, thus being in a situation similar to yours, I would be hard pressed to 'let it go' and start fresh.

I do not know how you 'operate' emotionally and mentally. Are you the type who can forgive and forget? Or are you the type who clings on to data and uses that to form future opinions/actions/etc?

You are suffering from 'trust issues' and there is a sense of betrayal. There are websites that address this: http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#sclien...15&bih=677

Betrayal is one of the hardest emotions for most (not all) people to work through. There is a lot more than just the betrayal to 'deal with' there are many other emotions, such as fear, anger, and a lost sense of security (among others).

While it is easy to say 'get over it', the truth is that nothing in life happens in a vacuum, and things are rarely cut and dry, there is usually a lot of levels and depths and other emotions coming to play.

I can't tell you what to do in this, that is ultimately your choice.

[BobInTampa]

I'm concerned when you say, "i will never trust him 100%" - that does NOT bode well.

If everything else in your relationship is strong, then you holding on to that anger will pretty much guarantee the end of things.

So, it's all on you buddy - if you KNOW you can't let it go, then end it - but just remember, you can't un-ring that bell!

[posterpicture]

You should never trust anyone who broke your heart once. They will do it again.

[jbd555]

I'm with Bob in Tampa and Postpicture, they may have experienced situations similar to yours. All we can do is give you an opinion based on our experiences.
A lot has to do with experience and more so with the age of the relationship. Bob is correct, if you can't trust your partner 100% the future doesn't bode well. You will always feel uneasy when others flirt with him, you may constantly want to know where he is when he's not with you... the list goes on. Communication is the answer and there is no waiting. Talk to him about it now. Best to you both.