I'm really lost for what I should do. I have opened up a bit to where I'm like half closet and half openly gay but not advertising it (if you know what I mean). but it seem like I'm doomed not to have a relationship. I mean I tried online dating thing but nothing seems to transpire, I do the craigslist thing get people are married and want a side thing which I don't want to be a side dish or if i find someone I like it seems like its a one way street and I'm the only one doing the contacting. I even go out to what few gay bars are here (which is almost nil). They act more like a straight bar more then a gay bar so you really don't know who is who. then of course there is the fact that I'm in my mid 40s but still look younger then my age.
I would like to have a meaningful relationship with someone where things are special, but it seems like no one wants that.
What should I do? keep doing what I am doing, become a slut and get fucked by everything out there, or just forget about even trying?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Keep trying! There's always hope even though there seems to be none.
And do not become a "slut" unless you absolutely want to.
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my partner grew up in Boise ID and he thinks its not the best gay city. relocate?
be active in the gay community, example: volunteer at the GLBT center front desk? in the community too. develop[e a base of friends, girl friends work well for a gay person.
you just have to let it happen, it takes time and in the end the relationship may be not as expected.
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Well, unfortunatly, when you're 1/2 in and 1/2 out of the closet, it's pretty unrealistic to expect to get the full benefits of being gay (ie: meeting and dating other single gay men).
Very few "out" gay men want to date a guy who's not out - as i'm sure you've discovered and i'm sure you understand why! They don't want to "pretend" to be "buddies" in public and lovers in private.
My advice to you, make the decision to either be 100% out or 100% in the closet.
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The key to a relationship is not to look for one.... I told a friend of mine this a few months ago and he said he isnt gonna bother anymore and enjoy being single and last week he bumped into a guy and now has a new relationship which he didnt plan or look for.... Enjoy your single life while you can and when its snapped up begin to enjoy that too 
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I think it is also possible to find a relationship on a site that is not specifically gay, ie that caters to all sexes and sexual orientations. Try some of those. Specify that you are not looking for a casual date or a one-night stand, but for a lasting relationship.
Incidentally, I wouldn't necessarily agree with BobInTampa who seems to think that it is not possible to be half in, half out, ie to be openly gay to whom it may concern but not to the rest of the world.
In fact most of us are probably in that category and until people get to know us, they could just assume that we are straight, couldn't they? Because that's what people do if you're not camp or a flaming queen.
It will help to go to gay specific places, no doubt, like the bars you frequent in Boise and thereabouts, and surely the environment should be less worrisome and more conducive to meeting the right sort of person. But, again, ask yourself what people in those bars are there for? Are they there for a one-night stand, a beer and a bit of sex on the side, or are they there for a relationship?
My personal experience, since I don't go to bars, is to look in other avenues. I'd go looking in places that are not about hooking up but about other things that life has to offer, other things that you enjoy... Join a cinema club, a cookery class, a dance class, a choir, a drama class or something sporty and that's probably where you'll meet your significant other. Good luck.
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princealbertofb Wrote:I think it is also possible to find a relationship on a site that is not specifically gay, ie that caters to all sexes and sexual orientations. Try some of those. Specify that you are not looking for a casual date or a one-night stand, but for a lasting relationship. I wouldn't necessarily agree with BobinTampa who seems to think that it is not possible to be half in half out, ie to be openly gay to whom it may concern but not to the rest of the world. In fact most of us are probably in that category and until people get to know us, they could just assume that we are straight.
It will help to go to gay specific places, no doubt, like the bars you frequent in Boise and thereabouts, and surely the environment should be less worrisome and more conducive to meeting the right sort of person. But, again, ask yourself what people in those bars are there for? Are they there for a one-night stand, a beer and a bit of sex on the side, or are they there for a relationship? I'd go looking in places that are not about hooking up but about other things that life has to offer, other things that you enjoy... Join a cinema club, a cookery class, a dance class, a choir, a drama class or something sporty and that's probably where you'll meet your significant other.
I have learnt with sites and being sort of youngish that people only want to meet for a quick shag and a im not looking for a shag status is a cover until darkness!
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We are talking about a middle aged man here, Zeon, who, I suppose may have a different outlook on life. I always think that if I go onto the Internet to meet someone like me, then there must be other people just like me looking around too. It's worth contemplating.
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oh yeah lol wont b long and ill b middle aged.... god time goes very quick lol
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I only "met" three guys at a bar (no not at the same time). Two were strictly one night stands - my 'slut phase' (yes yes I know, 2 is not really slutty at all). But considering I have had only 8 sex partners my whole life - 2 is a pretty big deal
The third I tried the relationship thing with... Oh boy that was a massive fail.
My first at the place I was working at. The others I met at other places, such as at dinner parties, at AA meetings, and other not really hook-up places but social like places.
This meant that I would be around folk who shared some commonalities with me, or be around other people who also shared things in common with me. I'm not suggesting you troll the AA meetings, Churches and other places....
I am not 'openly' or 'obviously' gay. I do not have 'GAY' tattooed on my forehead and I am decidedly 'straight acting'... I don't hide it, but I do not advertise either. However gay men tend to know 'their kind' in mixed group settings/places.
I have no idea what your hobbies and interests are, but do try to find groups/social settings where people of like mind congregate that is open to LGBT. Network - you do not have to go to bed with other gay guys, but you can be friends and they will introduce you to other gay men... If you are lucky (Or cursed, its a mix blessing) you might find a a gay friend who will set you up with potential mates.
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