Hello. I don't ever talk with anyone about sex or relationships, but I'm feeling kinda frustrated lately. My thing is that I only get turned on when I think about guys doing terrible things to me. My fantasies are about being in bondage and being beaten and neglected and forced to suck dick or take it up the ass. I've been seeing a guy who gives me a lot of that. He usually ties me up and blindfolds me, then he tortures me a little with whips and clamps, puts a butt plug inside me, and fiddles with my dick until I cum. That part is okay. Sometimes, he gets a little rough, and then it can be great. After the sex, though, he is all nice and sweet. He unties me and wants to cuddle and talk. That's when I start to feel nervous. As soon as he starts to treat me like a person, and not just a sex object, I get very uncomfortable and start counting the minutes before I can leave. It has reached the point where I don't think I can bear to see him again. Sigh...
TC
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I can think of a few psychological issues that this could relate to.
Fantasy and even role-playing can be 'fun' and even help relationships stay afloat.
However feeling uncomfortable once the fantasy part ends and the 'sweet' side of intimacy rolls in could mark a serious underlying 'issue'.
I would suggest that you seek out a therapist and explore the 'unhappy' part you have with intimacy.
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it sounds just like the episode of bad sex that i just watched. eerily similar. i would seek help.
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Thanks for the advice, but I don't think of myself as psychologically damaged. I just feel like a misfit.
In any case, I didn't come to this forum to get fixed. I just want to engage with people who aren't judgy about gay sex, and maybe learn a little about what others are thinking.
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I get where you're coming from. The fetish is what drove you in the relationship, and now you're worried that he wants more than just good sex, but you're not entirely comfortable being in a normal relationship since you're focus is bondage not a relationship. Sort of like you're not sure that beyond the fantasy that you're capable of letting someone get that close to you. For you the fetish creates an emotional seperation from your partner.
Look I'm not going to lie, I'm a virgin and have 0 exp in this subject and maybe I have a, naive, romantic view of sex. But when you have sexual contact with anyone who isn't being paid to have sex with you, you start a relationship. Part of that is knowing that's it's not just what your wants and desires are, it's what his are. Consider that maybe he doesn't just want to dominate you, consider he wants to love you in his own way.
If you really can't move past this and you have to move on, then that's your right. But next time it might be a good idea to tell the person in advance you just want what you want casual sex with no relationship so that you can avoid this from happening again. Unless we're missing a huge part of the story anyways. Right now it seems like you're comfortable being a social misfit to the point where you're willing to dump someone because they want to be closer to you after sharing time with you. I'm not judging just saying what it's like looking in from the other side.
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all i can say is whatever floats your boat and if you get off on that great and if he needs tohhave a cuddel
with you and it makes you too nervious then talk it over with the guyand see if you can gice back to your master then sorry but youall need to work it out so both are able to sastafie needs for both of you
so i hope you all can work it outor find some one that only wants to do what you like
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Thibideau and Oldster, you guys are perceptive. The problem isn't that I get off on kinky sex. The problem is that I'm too much of a selfish bastard to give this beautiful, generous man the affection he deserves. When I do try to satisfy him, my heart simply doesn't go along. It becomes a "lie back and think of England" situation for me. Yeah, I'll talk with him about it, but I've been here before and I know where this relationship is going. Sigh...
TC
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Think I'm Done With Another Guy
