Hello everybody!!! I was just wondering if I could get some advice from all of y'all.
So I recently came out of the closet to everyone except my dad. My dad is very homophobic and I know he won't handle the news very well. I have decided to come out to him, just to get it over with, but I have no idea how to do it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
is there an option to just say nothing. your at college, he is at home. tell him after your degree. serious. not your issue he is homophobic and insecure.
•
Flowers, candy, poetry, music.... Telegram? Maybe even a strip o'gram?
As with all things, opening your mouth and saying it simply and plainly usually has the correct impact.
I know a lot of stories from people who came out to their parents. Usually the ones that they least expect to have 'accept' it end up accepting it better than the one they expected to be ok with it.
I'm not saying that that will happen in your case, I'm saying it does happen.
What is the worst can can do? Disown you?
My father did disown me, cut me out of his will and lots of other mean nasty things. Its been 18 years since I last talked to him. His choice.
When my older brother died, from AIDS, I sent my father two round trip tickets to come out to the funeral (for he and his wife) he sent them back with a note that said 'No thanks.' He was generous, ordered a small flower arraignment for the funeral.
If you father does the same that is HIS choice, not yours. And its nothing wrong with you, but a lot wrong with him.
•
pellaz Wrote:is there an option to just say nothing. your at college, he is at home. tell him after your degree. serious. not your issue he is homophobic and insecure.
No unfortunatley I want to tell him now. If not someone else will tell him.
•
Man I wish I could help but I'm in a similar boat. I just started the coming out process and haven't started with my family yet. My Dad isn't really homophobic but I think that he will definitely have the hardest time with it.
Sorry, didn't mean to make this about me. Lol
Maybe you could give us a little more background on the situation and your dad? I'd like to think that he'll love you no matter what and will support you. In speaking to a lot of my gay friends about the coming out process, a lot of them have told me that they thought their Dad would take it hard and while some did, most of them were way more supportive than they thought and the ones that weren't, did come around with one exception.
•
I would tell him bluntly in an email, after I had squeezed him for everything I could, requesting he not contact me further... but that's just me.
•
theclosetgay Wrote:Man I wish I could help but I'm in a similar boat. I just started the coming out process and haven't started with my family yet. My Dad isn't really homophobic but I think that he will definitely have the hardest time with it.
Sorry, didn't mean to make this about me. Lol
Maybe you could give us a little more background on the situation and your dad? I'd like to think that he'll love you no matter what and will support you. In speaking to a lot of my gay friends about the coming out process, a lot of them have told me that they thought their Dad would take it hard and while some did, most of them were way more supportive than they thought and the ones that weren't, did come around with one exception.
Well when I came out all my friends were supportive, I was surprised by that. When I told my mom she denied it at first, and she still tells me she thinks I'm joking and/or lying. She is still trying to process it. My older brother also told me that I would be hurting my family by "choosing" to be gay, but I have been trying to convince him that I didn't choose to be gay. My dad has always made homophobic comments, ever since I can remember. When I was little he would always take certain things from me, such as teddy bears, because he thought they would make me gay. He has always criticized me for everything, well not just me, he has always critcized all my siblings. He is a very cold person and I've never felt comfortable talking to him so coming out to him seems very difficult, since we don't have a relationship at all. I'm almost a hundred percent positive he will disown me, because he has done it to my older sister. Not because she was gay but because he doesn't like her boyfriend. I would like to hope he wouldn't take it in a bad way but unfortunatley I know he will. At this point I'm just hoping for the best.
•
aggie2015 Wrote:No unfortunately I want to tell him now. If not someone else will tell him. dont react to him like you have your whole life boo. your dad is not a god and you dont pray to him. I am saying negative things about your father because I did the father thing in a straight relationship so i have some experiences.
nullnaught Wrote:I would tell him bluntly in an email, after I had squeezed him for everything I could ... I am liking the post by nullnaught. things will be smooth till he finds out. Even after he finds out there will be a little time for it to fester inside him before he has the guts to approach you about it. Maintain a standard; keep your home life quiet and secure, let him blow up on his own kind.
-" He has always criticized me, he is a very cold person"... there are reasons why he has never been kind to you (its not all about you, he is unkind to everyone) and it will not change. Its just there is not much there, he is afraid like you.
-" My dad has always made homophobic comments" ... i know this is your dad we are talking about but current theory; most homophobes are latent gay themselves. When your dad was growing up men hid those things about themselves. It was expected they married in a straight relationship and made everyone miserable. His phobic comments only indicate he is insecure about his own sexuality himself.
BREAK THE CIRCLE OF ABUSE; as a gay man get a husband and a loving house.
•
aggie2015 Wrote:Well when I came out all my friends were supportive, I was surprised by that. When I told my mom she denied it at first, and she still tells me she thinks I'm joking and/or lying. She is still trying to process it. My older brother also told me that I would be hurting my family by "choosing" to be gay, but I have been trying to convince him that I didn't choose to be gay. My dad has always made homophobic comments, ever since I can remember. When I was little he would always take certain things from me, such as teddy bears, because he thought they would make me gay. He has always criticized me for everything, well not just me, he has always critcized all my siblings. He is a very cold person and I've never felt comfortable talking to him so coming out to him seems very difficult, since we don't have a relationship at all. I'm almost a hundred percent positive he will disown me, because he has done it to my older sister. Not because she was gay but because he doesn't like her boyfriend. I would like to hope he wouldn't take it in a bad way but unfortunatley I know he will. At this point I'm just hoping for the best.
Hmm... well, of course it's your decision but it sounds to me like you don't have that great a relationship with him so what difference does it make? Whether you tell him or someone else does, it doesn't really sound like it matters.
This may be a bad question to ask but why is it so important for you to tell your Dad if you 'don't have a relationship with him at all'?
•
theclosetgay Wrote:Hmm... well, of course it's your decision but it sounds to me like you don't have that great a relationship with him so what difference does it make? Whether you tell him or someone else does, it doesn't really sound like it matters.
This may be a bad question to ask but why is it so important for you to tell your Dad if you 'don't have a relationship with him at all'?
The reason I want to tell him is because all my life I have tried to impress him. I don't know why it is so important for me to feel accepted by him but it has been something I've always wanted. I guess no one likes feeling rejected, especially by one's own parent.
•
|
Coming out to my dad...
