nullnaught Wrote:And the disadvantage of already unavoidably negative and hurtful. Why would you purposely use a word that excludes people? I am neither represented by the word queer nor can I read any article where that is being used to refer to a group of people I should otherwise belong to. It leaves me sick and shakeing. Can't you see that it is important to accomodate those of us who have already been hurt the most?
After being hit by a car I'm afraid of cars on the street. I think we shall ban them all. I see a car racing at 25 miles per hour down the street and my heart starts pounding - it goes any faster than that I am immediately taken back to the moment when a car slammed into me.... Maybe we should just reset the global speed limit to 15 miles per hour, I can handle cars traveling that fast....
But lets be fair to all of the other people who have had a bad experience with an automobile and just ban cars. I have a phobia.
Phobia:
noun
a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.
( Red = my emphasis)
Irrational:
adjective
1. without the faculty of reason; deprived of reason.
2. without or deprived of normal mental clarity or sound judgment.
3. not in accordance with reason; utterly illogical: irrational arguments.
( Red = my emphasis again)
If you have a problem with the word 'queer' then you need to take that up with a therapist who will, if they are any good, give you tools to deal with your 'issues'.
You have a phobia of the word queer, it is irrational fear that is compelling you to avoid it. You are presuming that everyone else must share your take on the word and stop using it. that is irrational, unrealistic and borders on tyranny. You propose censorship, censorship is bad - very bad.
Again, get you a therapist and work through the issues. Trust me there are plenty of tools that a person with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can learn in order to take the sting out off all aspects of it.
Been there, done that and am doing that... I know from experience the severity of emotions, I also know that a therapist is the best way to 'deal with' it.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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There are a few things that confuse me here :
A. Why it was o.k to use the word queer as a chant for gay rights. ( Oh yes they did , I was there with my friends in 1984 marching along with them, they were proud.)
B. With T.V. shows named "Queer eye for the straight guy" or" Queer as folk" what do you expect ?
Just a tad bit of a double standard ; wouldn't you say?
I never go out of my way to insult someone,but at the same time I do not expect anyone to dance to my tune.
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nullnaught Wrote:Why use the "'Q-word" to self-identify? Has it not occurred to you that there are gay men who can not help but find this word devastating? Must we encounter it wherever in The Community we go? Does this seem fair?
I empathize with you and agree with you about the use of the word...I am offended by it as well but the place where we differ is that I am aware that no one else is responsible for my feelings and everyone is entitled to their own perceptions. I don't let anyone else define me so when someone else uses the word queer I know they aren't talking about me anyway.
I sincerely hope that you can come to terms somehow so you do not feel devastated by the word because life is short and as you titled the thread "Why be unkind?"...may I suggest that you might be kinder to yourself and find a way to process this and let it go or react to it in a manner that is not so devastating to you.
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And welcome back East, good to have you back 
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dfiant Wrote:And welcome back East, good to have you back
Thanks!  mile: Nice to see you!
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I identify as gender queer.
I don't see any thing wrong with the word "queer'. If you do then too bad. Go home and re-educate yourself about that word.
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dfiant Wrote:I believe ZackT surmises the way a majority think and feel, just because it is contrary to the way you think and feel doesn't give you the right to lose your manners and call someone a troll.
You started a discussion and asked for opinions and got them, don't go slagging people of who think differently to you.
Your extreme reaction to an inocuous set of letters that happen to spell out a word that you don't like puts you in an extreme minority, it's certainly the first time I have ever heard of anyone being physically sick by the use of any word, and in my mind that isn't natural. Sorry to be blunt, but 6 999 999 999 don't get physically sick by the use of the word Queer and 1 person does...who has the problem?
I know I have a problem. I have said as much. I am completely disabled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I called him a troll because he didn't appear to have read the thread very carefully, and I couldn't believe anyone could be so exageratedly insensitive. I didn't think he was for real, is all. If he is not a troll, I am certainl sorry for insulting him. I just don't know where to begin with somebody so completely ignorant. I should have ignored his post, I suppose.
Yes, the way I have worded things, I am asking for a debate. But what I really want is equal access, not a bunch of weak excuses why others have a right to be hurtful and exclusive. Because that is what is happening. People like me are excluded by this insensitivity towards us.
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I should say, I barely know what a troll is. Gay Speak is my first direct experience with forums. If I have missused the term through lack of experience, I apologize for that again. I just didn't know I was commiting a faux pas.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:After being hit by a car I'm afraid of cars on the street. I think we shall ban them all. I see a car racing at 25 miles per hour down the street and my heart starts pounding - it goes any faster than that I am immediately taken back to the moment when a car slammed into me.... Maybe we should just reset the global speed limit to 15 miles per hour, I can handle cars traveling that fast....
But lets be fair to all of the other people who have had a bad experience with an automobile and just ban cars. I have a phobia.
Phobia:
noun
a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.
(Red = my emphasis)
Irrational:
adjective
1. without the faculty of reason; deprived of reason.
2. without or deprived of normal mental clarity or sound judgment.
3. not in accordance with reason; utterly illogical: irrational arguments.
(Red = my emphasis again)
If you have a problem with the word 'queer' then you need to take that up with a therapist who will, if they are any good, give you tools to deal with your 'issues'.
You have a phobia of the word queer, it is irrational fear that is compelling you to avoid it. You are presuming that everyone else must share your take on the word and stop using it. that is irrational, unrealistic and borders on tyranny. You propose censorship, censorship is bad - very bad.
Again, get you a therapist and work through the issues. Trust me there are plenty of tools that a person with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can learn in order to take the sting out off all aspects of it.
Been there, done that and am doing that... I know from experience the severity of emotions, I also know that a therapist is the best way to 'deal with' it.
I don't have a phobia. If you bothered to read my responses at all, you would see I acknowledge that I have a disability, and am in therapy for it. What I am asking for is the same equal access all other disabled people are legally due.
Asking a website to censor a slur is a reasonable accomodation for somebody with my condition. I have talked to lawyers about this. We disabled have free lawyers working for us. I don't want to have to sue more people over this. I won against my local college. They are not allowed to have a LGBTQ group, it is now LGBT. I didn't like doing that. I don't want to sue more people. In that instance the individuals in the group refused to listen to me so I had to take it to court. I would rather avoid that in future. So now, I try a lot harder to ask for understanding and compassion rather than just walk in and tell everybody what they have to do by law. Should I ignore restraint?
Your idea of bannings cars would not be a reasonabl accomodation for your disability, if you had one wich you neglected to state in you exagerated straw-man example.
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Rainbowmum Wrote:There are a few things that confuse me here :
A. Why it was o.k to use the word queer as a chant for gay rights. ( Oh yes they did , I was there with my friends in 1984 marching along with them, they were proud.)
B. With T.V. shows named "Queer eye for the straight guy" or" Queer as folk" what do you expect ?
Just a tad bit of a double standard ; wouldn't you say?
I never go out of my way to insult someone,but at the same time I do not expect anyone to dance to my tune.
I dont think it is O.K. to use as a chant. I am not asking for anyone to dance to my tune, I am asking them to use polite language around me, so that I can participate.
You all act as if I am alone in this. Just because I am the only one speaking up doesn't mean I am the only one thus affilicted. I am just the only one here asking for accomodation.
If you don't wan't my contributions, say so. Otherwise create an evironment that is welcoming of everyone including myself. Do you really need to self-loathingly slur yourselves like that? Is your self-hatred really so important to you?
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Why be unkind?
