Why be unkind?

[nullnaught]

I empathize with you and agree with you about the use of the word...I am offended by it as well but the place where we differ is that I am aware that no one else is responsible for my feelings and everyone is entitled to their own perceptions. I don't let anyone else define me so when someone else uses the word queer I know they aren't talking about me anyway.

I sincerely hope that you can come to terms somehow so you do not feel devastated by the word because life is short and as you titled the thread "Why be unkind?"...may I suggest that you might be kinder to yourself and find a way to process this and let it go or react to it in a manner that is not so devastating to you.

Thank you very much for your kind words. All I can say, is that I keep repeating I am in therapy for this. I have been for most of the last 20 years. I can't just buck up and get over it. I am only asking for reasonable accomodation according to the Americans with Disablities act. I am well within my legal rights, I understand. This isn't just I don't like the word, this is a slur, and it is hurtful. It is not just a way to self-identify, it is a way to exclude those who aren't self-loathing.

[nullnaught]

I identify as gender queer.
I don't see any thing wrong with the word "queer'. If you do then too bad. Go home and re-educate yourself about that word.

This is the sort of exclusiveness I am talking about it. This site is for Queers and Queer lovers and if I don't like it I can just leave.
Hey! I am a member of this community too, and I deserve to have reasonable accomodation made for my disability.

[East]

Thank you very much for your kind words. All I can say, is that I keep repeating I am in therapy for this. I have been for most of the last 20 years. I can't just buck up and get over it. I am only asking for reasonable accomodation according to the Americans with Disablities act. I am well within my legal rights, I understand. This isn't just I don't like the word, this is a slur, and it is hurtful. It is not just a way to self-identify, it is a way to exclude those who aren't self-loathing.

I am glad that you are in therapy for this...I didnt' notice until now re reading this that you have Post Traumatic Stress...is there a connection with PTS and the word or is this somehow related to your extreme reaction to the word?

[nullnaught]

I am glad that you are in therapy for this...I didnt' notice until now re reading this that you have Post Traumatic Stress...is there a connection with PTS and the word or is this somehow related to your extreme reaction to the word?

What an informed question... I appreciate this sooo much, words fail me.
As an answer, it is a mixture. The word is intimately involved in some of the trauma I sustrained, but also there is this long running frustration that other disabilities are so much more respected than PTSD. I am constantly running up against this attitude when I need accomodation. People don't seem to understand; I can't suck it up. I actually am as much as I can already. There are weeks sometimes I don't leave my apartment at all. This feels trivialized by most of the people here. Have I not expressed myself clearly, or do they not care or not understand do you suppose? Could it be something else I have missed completely?

[East]

What an informed question... I appreciate this sooo much, words fail me.
As an answer, it is a mixture. The word is intimately involved in some of the trauma I sustrained, but also there is this long running frustration that other disabilities are so much more respected than PTSD. I am constantly running up against this attitude when I need accomodation. People don't seem to understand; I can't suck it up. I actually am as much as I can already. There are weeks sometimes I don't leave my apartment at all. This feels trivialized by most of the people here. Have I not expressed myself clearly, or do they not care or not understand do you suppose? Could it be something else I have missed completely?

I can relate to what you are saying actually because I have a case of Survivor's Guilt from having everyone I knew practically die from AIDS and Survivors Guilt is similar in nature to PTSD. I think perhaps some people might not really understand what PTSD is and maybe a quick reference might be in order? I would post a link but I dont' have enough posts.

I have been on this site on and off for a couple years and I remember one time I felt almost paralyzed from Survivor's Guilt and so many of the members here helped me alot....I actually moved past the place I was stuck at because of the help I got here which was amazing because I didn't expect to ever move forward at all....so hang in there and if you find you are not being understood or heard try again because we are a community of individuals and your voice and contribution are as important as anyone else's...and maybe you can help enlighten other people in the process.

BTW...I went to High School in San Jose.

[dfiant]

But what I really want is equal access, not a bunch of weak excuses why others have a right to be hurtful and exclusive. Because that is what is happening. People like me are excluded by this insensitivity towards us.

You have equal access, there is nothing that has been done to exclude you, and there are no weak excuses. The fact is you are in a community where this word has been used for good and bad for over 400 years, so it was around a long time before any of us were born.

Mate, I'm not trying to make trouble, simply telling it like it is.

I don't like the word, I don't identify with the word, I very rarely use the word, but to INCLUDE myself in a community it is one of those things that each and every single person has to learn to deal with.

So I ask you WHO IS EXCLUDING YOU? We have welcomed you, we have embraced you, we have listened to you, we have responded to you, but you ask each and everyone one of us to 'change our ways'? Is that fair?

I personally feel that no one here has excluded you. You have excluded yourself over a word that is very rarely used in GaySpeak. I haven't seen the word used in general discussions here until you used it so in effect you have created a discussion that has excluded yourself where there are thousands of other discussion you could be involved in and be INCLUDED.

So I ask you have we not done our utmost to INCLUDE you and is it not yourself that is EXCLUDING you?

[Pix]

I have PTSD. But I've never used that as a license to say others must do as I say.

[nullnaught]

I can relate to what you are saying actually because I have a case of Survivor's Guilt from having everyone I knew practically die from AIDS and Survivors Guilt is similar in nature to PTSD. I think perhaps some people might not really understand what PTSD is and maybe a quick reference might be in order? I would post a link but I dont' have enough posts.

I have been on this site on and off for a couple years and I remember one time I felt almost paralyzed from Survivor's Guilt and so many of the members here helped me alot....I actually moved past the place I was stuck at because of the help I got here which was amazing because I didn't expect to ever move forward at all....so hang in there and if you find you are not being understood or heard try again because we are a community of individuals and your voice and contribution are as important as anyone else's...and maybe you can help enlighten other people in the process.

BTW...I went to High School in San Jose.

Thank you again for your sage words. I will take them to heart.
Don't tell me Pioneer High School, or I will swoon dead away!

[nullnaught]

You have equal access, there is nothing that has been done to exclude you, and there are no weak excuses. The fact is you are in a community where this word has been used for good and bad for over 400 years, so it was around a long time before any of us were born.

Mate, I'm not trying to make trouble, simply telling it like it is.

I don't like the word, I don't identify with the word, I very rarely use the word, but to INCLUDE myself in a community it is one of those things that each and every single person has to learn to deal with.

So I ask you WHO IS EXCLUDING YOU? We have welcomed you, we have embraced you, we have listened to you, we have responded to you, but you ask each and everyone one of us to 'change our ways'? Is that fair?

I personally feel that no one here has excluded you. You have excluded yourself over a word that is very rarely used in GaySpeak. I haven't seen the word used in general discussions here until you used it so in effect you have created a discussion that has excluded yourself where there are thousands of other discussion you could be involved in and be INCLUDED.

So I ask you have we not done our utmost to INCLUDE you and is it not yourself that is EXCLUDING you?

Thank you for what you have said, but I think it is different for this reason. The few times it has been close to being tested as a legal matter, the other party backed down. Having won more than once, I think I have established it is a matter of equal eccess. If you would like I can explain the circumstances better, and you can tell me what you think.
Thank you again for telling me plainly what you believe.

[nullnaught]

I have PTSD. But I've never used that as a license to say others must do as I say.

not knowing any particulars of your case I can't respond other than to say if you have ever had to fight for equal access because of your disability, I dare say you would feel somewhat diferently.