A bit lost

[reytla]

Hi guys,

All I can do is say thank you for the very valuable input and advice that you have given me. I have graduated now with an honours degree and will be looking for a job and then hopefully gain some independence by being able to move out. I am actually looking forward to it. I am also definitely crossing my fingers for the scholarship to be able to study in the UK as it truly has been a lifelong dream of mine!

I took my bf away for the weekend. We went to a gay friendly hotel in the country - beautiful mountain vista, waterfalls and all around natural beauty in Mpumalanga, South Africa - I would recommend it to anyone who is keen to visit our beautiful country. I had a great time with my bf but honestly in my mind it felt to me as if he is just a very good friend. The excitement and happiness I had when spending time with him has just gone away.

I am seeing a counsellor at the moment and we are working on me accepting my sexuality and defeating my depression but it is really tough. I will be happy and bubbly at one moment and then the next I will be down and ashamed of who I am. Religious indoctrination has played a major role in me feeling this way as well I suppose. I just want to be able to genuinely smile, be happy and be me again but it is so tough.

[reytla]

On a side note, can anyone recommend any good books on the history of homosexuality? I am a keen reader and would love to gain some knowledge on the subject.