What doyou think?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So then it might be better for him I do end it? Or at least broach the topic of him being more self-directed?

Better being?????

I have no idea what you think is 'better than' what he has now. Better than is usually a false ideology - sort of the 'grass is greener on the other side of the fence'.

You can try to tell him to be more self directed, that usually doesn't work with codependent people. IF he is codependent. If he is, he will not see it as such. And that takes either therapy (couples counseling) to figure it out or a personal level eureka moment.

I think it sounds like codependency, this is mostly and off the cuff 'first impression' based on what we have discussed to this point. It isn't a proven fact.

You are asking 'Whats best for him?' 'What's best for me?' - What you haven't asked is 'What's best for US'.

There is no way on this earth I can read a few posts and determine what is best for anyone. No therapist would do that either. Determining what is 'best for us' requires to people willing and able to work together to discover what this 'us' entity is.

There is a difference between willing and able - Many are willing, few are able.

There is a lot more about your relationship I have not heard about. I have no idea how you feel when you open your eyes and first see him in the morning. I have no idea what his smile does to your heart. I have no idea if you too watching TV together is comfortable or 'ugly' to you - or him.

I have no idea what his past partnerships were like, and I can't look into his head and tell you what he is thinking.

I don't know what is best for him, good for him, better for him. For all we know he might see everything in your relationship as perfectly normal and 'happy' and breaking up with him would devastate him.

[Ceruleaan]

thanks bowyn

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Welcome.... See if he is willing to do couple's counseling.... see where that leads.

[fenris]

I would ask him what is wrong - if you can´t find a reason. And if it is only a lower sexdrive than your you should talk about possibilities.... maybe a special "friend" for you.. just for fun.
I´m not a friend of breaking a relationship only "for sex"... I know ... sex is important, but for my opinion not all.
Sometimes - and I know it from myself - you know that your man wants sex... but you are not able to react. At the moment I have pains for more then 4 days... and nothing works... years ago I had said Ok .. lets sex but since a few years my man know that if he just ask or try to - when I´m in this status - I bite him in the neck.
A female friend of myself gets a very high dosage of a antidepressiva..and she don´t want sex in this time, too. But she know that her husband needs sex and so she help him in a special way... he can do and touch what he wants, she holds him and so on ... and so both are happy.

[BobInTampa]

It sounds to me, after reading all your replies in this post, that you've already made up your mind. YOu got with a guy you "heard" was really into sex alot (you said in the first post that you had "heard" he was very active sexually before you 2 were togehter) and now 10 months down the road, you feel like you're missing out on sex - yes, i said sex. I don't hear alot of "love" in your post. This sounds like a relationship of convenience and that neither of you has really "invested" in making it work. I'm guessing you're a younger guy (under 30) and have alot of gay friends, gay couple friends and you're hearing about all the sex and tricking they are having and you're suffering with getting laid once a week. (how am i doing?).

As far as who initiates sex, unless you set the expectations from the outset (i'm top, you're bottom, i'm the dominate, you're the submissive, etc), then, in my opinion, 2 people in love (especially only 10 months together) would want to make love fairly frequently. Now, everyone's sex drive is different, but all that being said, it really sounds to me like you've already got an exit strategy and, you may have already strayed.

how did i do?