Confused about my friend

[curious101]

I have been friends with this guy and the majority of the time that I am with him he will bring up gay stuff and it has made me wonder why he does so? For instance he will bring up that he had a conversation with a co-worker and they were talking about how many guys that it would take to fully do a guy in the butt like in a circle -- he referred to it as a circle jerk and it made me question why he would be talking like this with other co-workers?

He has also stated that he tried to talk with one co-worker about gay things and that this guy got upset and he ended discussing it. When he is around certain friends and me he will refer to us as sweetie, buttercup, honey, and baby. And I don't know what to make of it because is he trying to convey something?

One of his friends one day said that he had stated that he would s*** a certain dudes d*** and then I later asked him about it and he said that he was just joking around about it. He will also watch some program on TV and it will be a really attractive looking guy and he will say I would F**** them. And when he says it he doesn't laugh about it or say that he is joking. He just leaves it at that and this behavior continues.

Certain friends he will wrestle with and they will even show there junk and act like their going to do something but they don't go through with the whole thing. I know that people joke around about certain things but when I am around him he spends about 95% of the time talking about gay stuff and other sexual stuff and I have recently brought it to his attention and that he knows that I am gay and I feel like sometimes that he is picking on me or belittling me.

I go to try and find out whether or not he is into guys or where he swings and he will say that he is comfortable with his sexuality and that the reason why he brings these things up is because I am a very open minded person and he feels comfortable around me. But, I guess the thing is that it seems like it gets out of hand and now he is being careful what he says around me because he says that I take things to serious.

He will also bring up about someone that he is not acquainted with and say that he suspects someone is gay. One time we were working somewhere and he said something that was sexually provocative and this guy had to go somewhere else that he was referring to and he asked his friends and didn't know this guy if the guy he was talking with was gay? I later asked him why he would want to know if this guy is gay when he doesn't know him and that to me was a little too forward.

In closing he will say that this guy is hot on TV, and what it comes down to is that he will say something and not act like he is joking but as soon as you bring it up to him then he will say oh I was just joking. He will also mention some guy that is hot that he saw somewhere and describe the guy and then he will try to make it like it is for me and if he is checking out a guy my sexual orientation doesn't have any bearing on it. When I discuss it with him and try to get him to answer me he never gives me the same consistent answer. It will be different each time and this is where I feel like he isn't being honest with me and I tell him that if I am your friend I would be honest with you and I expect the same in return and it gets very frustrating. So I sometimes wonder if he really is a friend or if he does this because he is into guys and it is a part of him that he doesn't accept and so he does this to make himself feel better when he does it around me.

I have talked to him about this and for a while he will say I am going to be careful what I say and all because you take it too seriously. It isn't that I don't want him to be himself but it gets uncomfortable and when someone dwells so much on this kind of thing and keeps talking about it like he does why do you think he does? What should I do? Does it sound like he is into guys?

[pellaz]

you posted a lot of text but from what you said he is into guys.

Its a big commitment for someone to come out to them selves as gay / bi.

you need to evaluate what does for you as a friend. Are you comfortable just waiting for his public actions to catch up with him? Is it time to toss him to the curb?

if you are the best "gay man in a straight relationship" that you aspire to be:
When it is possible to talk to him one on one; firmly express to him how you are uncomfortable with him. How this is socially not acceptable. Like most thing emotional self improvement issues you are going to have to re assert your conversation many times.

[edkrfv]

In my opinion, he is not your friend.
Or at least, I dont like friends who act like your friend.
I feel sadness from what you wrote, and I think you thought about letting him go (unfriend him).
You said you had a talk with him about this whole thing, but he still does that stuff.
Try and put in a ballance or on a paper why is he your friend, and take a decision.
It was very frustrating for me to read about his deeds, and I think it is a lot more frustrating for you.
Man up!

[dfiant]

I actually think that you really need to tell him exactly what you are feeling and why. There is no reason why you should be uncomfortable around friends and as a friend he should listen and understand you and put your friendship before anything else.

You need to have THE talk so he knows why you are so sensitive.